Parents applying for jobs for their children!

[newnamechangeforthisone]

I've advertised a small job for my business. It's quite a fun role, and we have had a lot of interest. However, the number of responses I have received from parents regarding their adult children has been shocking. I'm talking 22-25 year olds! Please don't get me wrong; I suspect many of them are possibly ND, which is excellent. There are no issues there, and it would probably suit us better, but even still, there were options to text, call, email, etc. I suspect my mum probably did the same when I was 16, but at 22 I was married.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Maybe I'm unreasonable but I don't think I am to expect the applicant to reach out not their mothers.

I messaged about a job for one of my DC when they were 15 as it was advertised on Facebook and my kids don't use Facebook. But it was more do you have an email address my kid can contact you.

How are young people going to succeed in a job if they can't even apply.

I was applying for my own jobs from 15. If you're Getting your mommy to do it in your 20's, barring ND, it's not a good look to the employer is it?🤣

Yep. I have a very anxious 17 year old (possibly ND) and whilst I might make a tentative enquiry on her behalf, she needs to be able to follow though herself.
I know some adults do need support for job applications and would be fine once in a role, maybe with some adjustments, but I assume you mean young adults whose parents need to loosen the strings a bit?

I wouldn’t rule the adult out as an applicant, on the off chance that they have an overbearing helicopter parent and they don’t realise they’ve even done it 🫣

But I would have a stock response, “thanks for reaching out. We only consider direct applications, so please pass the details on to your son/daughter - we’d love to hear from them.”

It’s ridiculous.

That is pathetic. I would not remotely consider an applicant on that basis. I'm sure lots of applicants get their parents to help/read over the application form for them, but for their parents to apply on their behalf is just embarrassing.

It's not good. But at the same time, I have to stop myself doing it.

DS is currently working for a really appalling boss who pays way under minimum wage (by paying an entry level salary and then bullying everyone to stay late night after night and come in at weekends. DS is comatose with exhaustion but doesn't want to get the sack from his first job post uni in a very competitive field. He also needs to move house as his tenancy is up and the rent rising too high for his low pay. By the time he comes home every night, it's about 10 or 11pm and he hasn't even eaten.

At weekends he has to work too, see flats to rent, and try to actually get to see his mates and his girlfriend and have a life. So I am very tempted to send off his CV on his behalf. But haven't yet.

Edited to add: what I mean is, it may not be that all these DC are too lazy or immature to apply for themselves. They may be working antisocial hours already.

LOL younger people do seem alot more tied to the apron strings than we were.

I did a stint at the probation service, and every day we'd get calls from mums to say their little darling wont be attending their appointment with their probation officer or doing their community payback hours today, because they've "got poorly belly" or "a cough" -these weren't youth offenders, they were grown men aged 21+ 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

How can we expect young people to develop independence if we don’t allow them to look for and apply for their own jobs. It’s entirely reasonable for a parent to encourage a child to do a search. It’s entirely reasonable to make suggestions for the application and to maybe check it, but to contact the potential employer is not the right way to do it.

This, my first thought would be that the pushy parent had taken it upon themselves rather than the child asking them to (unless that was clear from the message). Your suggested response is good.

Young people seem to lack confidence these days. It seems to be more young men that seem lacking in confidence.
I think they're mollycoddled more and socialise more online, lacking real life interaction.

I have exactly the same, every time I advertise I say no fb messages but provide an email address. I get tons of fb messages from mums re their kids. I don't even reply to any fb messages as my first thought is that they can't follow simple instructions!

Verbally, when people ask for their dc I just tell them their child needs to apply themselves but it already puts me off the applicant!

My DS is ND and I can honestly say that we have never applied for a job for him. We've helped him with his CV, forwarded job adverts we've seen on Facebook or Indeed (when we've had the "there aren't any jobs excuses") and given interview advice. But all job applications, on line tests and interviews were all down to him.

We run a small business and have been approached by parents - it’s not impressive. And whilst I do think kids are less independent, I’m going to blame the parents thing on the parents. It’s hard watching your child apply for jobs but you must allow them to work it out - you can support from the sidelines but they are adults they need to learn to adult.

Parents who do this are at best preventing their adult children from developing necessary life skills and self-confidence. At worst, they are scuppering their chances of getting a job. They may think 18/20/25 is too young for them to know how to do it 'properly' but employers expect 18/20/25 year-olds to behave as such and will adjust as necessary. Once they are 28 (or whatever age a parent may decide it is old enough to let their children do it alone), they may end up overwhelmed and making the sort of mistakes an 18 year-old might simply because they won't have the experience; employers aren't impressed by that and it is also very hard on the children who find themselves unnecessarily out of their depth. Despite the best will in the world, those parents are making life much more difficult for their children, not easier. It's a bit like preventing a baby from learning to walk until they are several years old because you fear they may fall/find it difficult or frustrating; yes, they will fall but they will do so from a safe short height. It much safer to let them learn step by step when they are 80cm tall and nobody expects them to walk steadily than to wait until they are 150cm and their ability to do it naturally is assumed; they'll really struggle.

But I would have a stock response, “thanks for reaching out. We only consider direct applications, so please pass the details on to your son/daughter - we’d love to hear from them.”

@Testina’s response is perfect. My DS (15) is currently applying for jobs and while I’ve helped him with his CV and oversaw him completing an online application, he has to directly contact the employer. He handed his CV into some cafes and restaurants this week, we discussed what he’d say beforehand and he did it. How else is he going to learn?

I've treated them the same and will give them the same opportunity as everyone else. I find it awkward.

I fully expect some of them to be ND, and we have a lot of ND in our family; I do get it! But simultaneously, I can only imagine the nightmare of trying to communicate with them. I'm doing an open day, and one of the mothers said she would see me that day. She also said she would print out the form and bring it along. Much of the work would be self directed so I don't think they would work out.

My friend used to be a teacher at an international school, and they'd recruit teachers from the UK to go and work in Asia.
LOTS of the teachers in their late 20s and early 30s would arrive and their parents would be with them carrying their things and sleeping on the floor of their hotel for the first few nights!!!!!! TEACHERS!!!

My older brother's wife (I refuse to refer to her as a SIL) applies to jobs and grad schemes on the behalf of her 21 year old daughter. I feel it's at best unhelpful in the long run, and at worst very controlling.

That's pretty awful state of affairs! Of course parents can and do assist with applications, but applying on their behalf is just weird. I would be replying accordingly, they need to learn.

I did the same. At 14, I got ds to apply for volunteering positions. I got him to rehearse what he was going to say but he called them himself then had an interview. He emailed them himself if he couldn't make it some weeks. It was a good experience for him.
Now at 16, I'm helping him to apply for jobs. I even got him to call a couple of places to see if they were still recruiting.
Young people really seem to fear telephone conversations for some reason. I don't want dc to have that fear.

I would give it the young person who actually walked through the door and asked for the job

Christ mine are early 20s and I've never applied for a job for them! I've encouraged, begged and bribed over the years, but it has to come from them.

I think actually applying for a job as a parent is a bit silly. Well a lot silly! To be fair I have responded to a Facebook post about a job just to see if the job was still open as the post had been there a while when I saw it but in my defence it was in a group for over 18s and my son was 16 at the time.

But I wonder how many parents send out applications on behalf of their kids in their kids' name - eg you can often fill in a contact form and attach the CV. The child still has to do the interview of course - if they get one. And then the actual job!

I got my son his school work experience when he was 15 (and in Y10). There are some kids who are very outgoing and would have walked through town asking for a week's placement but he wasn't one of them. Neither was I, I got work experience at school but the school organised it back then, whereas ds' school expected the kids to do it, no doubt knowing that in most cases the parents would do it for them.

We have an employee who's dad initially applied on his behalf.

He's a lovely lad and does what we ask of him OK, but shows about as much oomph towards his career as he did at the start... i.e. none!

I think Testina's reply is a good one and I'll remember it should I need it.

We've had discussions amongst us, erm, more senior members of staff, and said how we feel that the cost of property nowadays, both to buy and rent, is creating a generation of people that just don't grow up, because they can't afford to leave home and therefore stay at home being treated like kids.

I left home at 19 and bought a property with my now ex, qualified in my profession at 22 and was a manager at 23 and partner at 33.

Nowadays, a big chunk of our staff are in their late 20's/early 30's, not qualified, doing work that I was doing at 19/20, still living at home and living like they're teenagers, focussing more on socialising with their friends, than their studies. Presumably they're socialising more with friends to get them out of the house.

At 19 I had to be fully independent, running a house, working and studying to improve my earnings, to pay the bills. With no responsibility seems to come no ambition in some.

That's not to say they're all the same, we've had some stand out staff members who have wanted to focus on their career and have been very committed to work and studies, knowing they could have fun later, but they're very few and far between nowadays in my experience.

We have this all the time in retail. If your child cannot approach the tills to ask about handing in a cv, how are they going to approach and offered customers service? We see time and time again teens unable to even hold a simple transaction conversation when buying things, so if your parent then comes along to ask about a job, when you are standing by their side, the cv is going straight in the bin. I am hiring you, not your parent!

Yeah not great.

I had a guys wife email me about the job and send his CV. I'll be honest I didn't even read the Cv!