Parents applying for jobs for their children!

[newnamechangeforthisone]

I've advertised a small job for my business. It's quite a fun role, and we have had a lot of interest. However, the number of responses I have received from parents regarding their adult children has been shocking. I'm talking 22-25 year olds! Please don't get me wrong; I suspect many of them are possibly ND, which is excellent. There are no issues there, and it would probably suit us better, but even still, there were options to text, call, email, etc. I suspect my mum probably did the same when I was 16, but at 22 I was married.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Maybe I'm unreasonable but I don't think I am to expect the applicant to reach out not their mothers.

I am not sure how much things have changed.
When I was young lots and lots of people seemed to get jobs through their parents or through their parents contacts. That doesn't happen as much now.

In what way?
It's extremely difficult to exclude a child from school and special needs have to be catered for. At work, if you don't do your job properly (and sometimes if you do, but someone doesn't like you!) you can be sacked. You cannot bring a case against your employer in the first two years.

It’s not about being sacked it’s about feeling valued, feeling you have achieved something of value, feeling you contribute something of value, feeling part of a team, school is very poor at making kids feel good about themselves.

It’s not about being sacked it’s about feeling valued, feeling you have achieved something of value, feeling you contribute something of value, feeling part of a team, school is very poor at making kids feel good about themselves.

I'm not sure young people who's parents apply for jobs for them will get the same sense of self worth they would have had if they had applied and successfully obtained a job themselves.

I can tell you they have and they do. They don't focus on the asking - once they have the job they don't fixate on how they got it. Kids I know who have anxiety have benefitted from their parents asking for jobs for them.

I hear the PPs who mention how parents get jobs for their children through contacts, which is true, and that has always been the case. But that is not an option for many people and those of us without contacts can help our children best by helping them to develop their skills and resilience. I get a fair amount of parents contacting me about their children (at university); very often the problem lies with learned helplessness (also mentioned above). In most of these cases, it is not that the young people cannot do what is creating the issue but that they think they cannot do it/find the stress or fear of dealing with it intolerable; they are certainly not useless but they have been made useless. Some genuinely suffer as a result (increased anxiety) while others come across as entitled (they expect others to do things they should be doing themselves); neither makes a good employee or, worse, a happy adult. Many think that self-confidence can only grow when no challenges are faced and everything works out beautifully. My experience is that parents trying to do things for them can patch things over here and there but ultimately helps to create unecessarily insecure/needy adults who require/demand constant support for tasks they should be able to do without external input.

He didn’t apply for any - sadly - but let’s hope you’re right about it being a life lesson!

I once has a parent come into an interview! Iwas so taken aback i let him!

Didnt get the job

YANBU.

I've noticed it a lot on local FB groups recently - "Anyone got any work for my 17 year old?" type posts.

I don't get why people are criticizing young adults for this. It is the parents who are the problem not the younger generation. They are probably cringing.

I like this approach

My parents never applied for a job for me, even my first paper round and Saturday job. It's all part of growing up. I would definitely judge someone for getting their mum to call.

I've had a strong suspicion that a grad candidate had someone else in the room during a Teams call - it created a weird dynamic - where they checked behind them every time I asked a question. It felt very uncomfortable.

School is at least supposed to try for everyone. If you're not good at your job or your boss doesn't like you at work, you're out.
I don't see how you can think work is a kinder environment for those who aren't good at it.

You choose your job by your interests and abilities - you don't choose at school - you are forced to endure hours of lessons on subjects that don't interest you and constantly fail. Kids feel tortured by school, and humiliated by failing, criticized by teachers. Listening to my friend's tutee talking about her experience with her Maths teacher was utterly heartbreaking but she's not the only one - my handyman's son who suffered from ADHD found school very difficult - he now works on the refuge collection - he really enjoys his job - and it's a very essential one and in his spare time he tinkers with his motorbike - at school he was utterly miserable, his parents felt helpless - work has helped him, given him a sense of purpose.
The teachers at my dc's infant school and secondary school used to threaten that if they didn't work hard enough they'd end up on refuge collection or McD's! Nice! Academic achievement isn't for everyone and it doesn't have to be. Schools are failing so many kids - even the one's who walked away with good grades. I can see it in my own dcs, their friends, their cousins, our colleagues' kids - no wonder discipline is a problem in schools - they feel anxious and bloody miserable.

"You choose your job by your interests and abilities"

That is just SO not true. First of all you don't choose your abilities and loads of people don't have jobs that reflect their interests. I'm sure you know that jobseekers allowance in the UK is dependent on looking for a job and you can't decline an offer without good reason.
It's great that it worked out for your son, but his situation is not the norm.

I am speaking about other people's kids - IMO the current education system is toxic and broken - I get the feeling by your postings that you are you part of it? It's easy to blame the kids and blame the parents - school has become an exam factory - it suits a few kids, the rest struggle and often their behaviour reflects their feelings.

He understands that. He is looking for another job. But to do an application that stands out, and isn't just sending your CV into the sea of 1000 other CVs, takes time and he's time poor.

"IMO the current education system is toxic and broken - I get the feeling by your postings that you are you part of it?"

Not at all. I'm part of the real working world.

Sending your cv into an advert will rarely reap rewards. Get your Ds to google specialist recruitment consultants in the area he’s working in. Get him to network, follow other companies on linked in so he can spot when they are recruiting and send speculative messages to their internal recruiters.

I have no issue with parents asking about the job, especially for the younger ones, I've had a few message asking about age etc. so I have two 16 year olds and a 17 year old applying, the 17 year old and one of the 16 year olds did so independently and one 17 year old the parent asked about the age and then the 16 year old communicated after that.

I have no problem parents helping with CVs either. I just have had a few where all the communication is via the parent, they have requested and returned the applications, and those applicants have degrees.

I've also had several employment charities who support marginalised groups like those with ND and they have also done all the communicating etc for them. I don't mind this as much as there is obviously a reason but I can't help but think they would benefit from supporting them to do it rather than do it for them.

No one has been ruled out because their parents are applying on their behalf, I was just shocked at the number of over 22 year olds it was happening with. I do think life is very different for the younger generation than it was for me (I'm 40).

It's just quite a stark difference in applicants, with some with degrees and work experience and their mums doing all the commutation with lots of "he's such a lovely boy" and then 16/17 year olds who have clearly looked at who we are and what we do and responding in that manner and telling me what they can offer. For example, I've driver desirable but not essential and video skills and social media skills desirables, and they are saying, I can't force but I have checked the bus time tables etc. or I have social media experience and none of the adults, even those older than me, have given me the impression they have done that .

All quite interesting. We shall see. Shortlisting will be fun next week.

Surely it people in their 40/50s acting differently to their parents generation rather than the children themselves though. It doesn't really say anything about young adults today.

I've applied for loads of job for my son, written CVs and job applications for him. He's 18 now. But I've always used his indeed and email accounts and if he's ever needed to phone them, he's done that himself. I'd imagine it's incredibly common. At that age all I had to do to get a job was pop in for a chat. Online job applications and the requirements for CVs nowadays are ridiculously difficult, even for entry level minimum wage jobs.

The parents are very naive. None of the recruiters for DS are aware of my involvement.