Parents applying for jobs for their children!

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I've advertised a small job for my business. It's quite a fun role, and we have had a lot of interest. However, the number of responses I have received from parents regarding their adult children has been shocking. I'm talking 22-25 year olds! Please don't get me wrong; I suspect many of them are possibly ND, which is excellent. There are no issues there, and it would probably suit us better, but even still, there were options to text, call, email, etc. I suspect my mum probably did the same when I was 16, but at 22 I was married.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Maybe I'm unreasonable but I don't think I am to expect the applicant to reach out not their mothers.

Yes, we had the same. We were advertising for a weekend job. 4 hours on a Saturday.

Advert said please email.

We had:

8 mothers send FB messages.
1 mother send an email.
3 16 year olds emailed themselves.

There is absolutely no reason why parents can’t help with this stuff but the sign off should at the very least be from the applicant.

None of these kids were bullied. And I don't think it was the odd teacher that was the problem either. It was the controlling nature of the school - the rules, the punishment, the grading, the passing, the failing, the ranking - the constant reminders that not putting the effort in will destroy your future. The schooling process can be incredibly stressful and mindnumbingly boring. Spending hours a day doing things that make you miserable - with no option to walk away, no control over your day. I even know academic kids who did really well in exams needing a year to recover from school - the system made them feel totally turned off from education.

One kid I know spent a year in his bedroom with crippling anxiety, despite having loads of good friends at school but really struggled, his anxiety went under the radar. Started a job in the local corner shop. (his mum got him the job - the manager had a soft spot for struggling kids) - he flourished, he manages the shop now whilst doing a part-time OU degree. He maintains that working was the key to his recovery - it gave him confidence and a sense of purpose - something school couldn't do. He's not the only kid who feels like this, our schools suit some kids but they are failing many - and those kids matter too!

I have one child so everything is new to me every day. I see jobs that might suit her and I am sorely tempted to apply on her behalf...but I don't. She's nearly 18 ffs! I have to learn to let go. I have to teach her to start fending for herself!

My son just finished his second year at university and has not got a summer internship. He is looking for any job he can get now. We did not help him get an internship, but we did talk to him about applying for them and, well, it just didn’t happen. Several of his friends have internships, or subject-relevant summer jobs, and yesterday my son talked me through how they got them - two have got jobs their parents found them, two were “forced” by their parents to fill in applications for internships during weekends spent at home and one is working for his father. So now I’m questioning our “You can’t do it for them,” attitude to be honest.

I helped them a bit with their first jobs. Now they are independent and applying and getting jobs that are so far out my reach they might as well be on the moon.

I'm also an employer and it doesn't work for me at all. I'd rather have someone who's got the initiative to walk through the door and be personable, with nothing to put on their CV, than a CVs and requests for work experience sent by a parent, which I don't even consider.

If they haven't got the beans to apply, it's a fair indication of what they're going to be like in the role. You're not doing them any favours at all putting your foot through the door for your DC.

I’ve always encouraged the dds to be independent with every thing from applying for part time jobs (dd2 got her first at 13 independently) to college and uni applications. Happy to advise and check what they’ve put, but always looks better coming from them. It’s also a good life skill so don’t know why parents would want to do it for them. Dd1 is ND and needed more support when younger with these things than dd2, but I still encouraged her to do it herself, I just held her hand a bit more through the process.

Second year at uni? That's a bit mad.
Are those parents going to force their dcs to apply for their graduate jobs too?

Though having said that, I know someone who is 27 and has never had a job although has an excellent degree. Perhaps if his parents had "forced" him, he wouldn't be in this situation.

Hopefully your ds has now found his inner drive while those other dcs won't have.

Honestly this is my thinking too.

If they can’t even send an email themselves, how are they going to do the job itself. Most jobs require initiative.

I also find it cringe when parents post requests for jobs on fb and say ‘he’s such a lovely lad and hard working’, as if employers will take mummy’s word on that and hire him.

I recruit and am currently speaking to someone’s wife on behalf of them for a job, it’s shocking and of course means the person has zero chance for the job as if they can’t even apply themselves as a grown adult then what hope do they have doing a job!

If they have the option to apply through text or e-mail, I would dismiss anyone who didn't bother. I've always been an extremely anxious person, but when it comes to work, you do need to put on a brave face and get yourself out there. My parents did used to ask around for summer work for me when I was at uni as often local businesses would recruit via word of mouth, but I would always go and meet them for an informal interview.

Genuinely curious, would you feed this back to them as the reason you wouldn’t take their application further?

I definitely wouldn't rule out the helicopter parent scenario!
My best pal at uni was away all summer working for camp America, and her mum took it upon herself to apply for term time jobs for when she got back.
She was absolutely furious - one of the jobs was for M&S which would have been brilliant as it was round the corner from her flat, and she intended to apply herself. But they had some kind of online aptitude test before you could progress and the mum failed it under my friend's name!

When I was 14 my mum and dad made me type up and print out several copies of a letter describing myself and asking for Saturday work, look up the addresses of some businesses in the phone book, and mail it out to them.

I got my first Saturday job in a plant nursery, and a phone call from a manager for a cafe telling me he was really sorry that they only hired 15+ workers, but that he wanted me to know how impressed he was by my letter.

And that was the most involved my folks got in my various job hunts!

I would bin any applications which a parent has sent in on behalf of their adult child.
You say you "suspect ND". Why? If the young person is ND and therefore unable to email their application themselves, then I'd expect the parent to put some kind of explanation in the application and if there wasn't any kind of explanation as to why an adult needs their mum or dad to apply for a job for them I would reject it.
You've had plenty of applications so it's not like you will struggle to fill the role. I wouldn't be prepared to take the risk on someone who was not capable/not interested enough to apply for the job themselves.

YANBU

I keep seeing parents in my local FB group, asking for jobs for their kids.

If I was an employer, I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole if they weren't capable of making their own FB account and asking for themselves.

You say "it just didn't happen", implying your son didn't end up applying for any internships? If so, I think that's an excellent life lesson, some people are lucky enough to have things handed on a plate, the rest of us need to put in the effort to get the things we want. Hopefully from now on he'll be more pro-active.

If he applied but was unsuccessful, that's a different matter of course.

Not sure about this covid excuse - children were already 16-18 and by that age you should be applying to 6th form/unis etc and should be well equipped to fill out a form. I say this as a 21 year old who also spent covid with parents. I'm now married, have a flat, applied for my own job at 18 (am now a manager within the role) - a lot of people my age seem to just not realise they can do things themselves (and their parents aren't helping with this).

A new hire in my company in my team (same age as myself) got the job as their mum had applied for them (she also rung up the boss to ask them to reconsider after they regected the application initially). Their only previous other job was obtained by their father and they left because they were "bored" (their words). They are very entitled and seem to expect everything to fall on their lap. Personally, I'd advise staying as far away as you can from people whose parents are applying to for them, barring exceptional circumstances. What do you think they'll be like if you hire them?

Any applications I get sent on behalf of someone else just get deleted/binned.

My mum wants to know who she can speak to on my behalf, whats your email OP?

"mindnumbingly boring. Spending hours a day doing things that make you miserable - with no option to walk away, no control over your day"

Sounds like work for so many people.

"he controlling nature of the school - the rules, the punishment, the grading, the passing, the failing, the ranking "

When and where is/was this? I don't recognise it at all, especially ranking as I don't think lists posted up with the order of pupils has been done in English and Welsh schools for decades.

My DS is 18 and wanted a job for the months between finishing exams and starting uni. He's never had a job before so I helped him quite a bit with finding vacancies and applying. I draw the line at contacting the employer though - that has to come from him. He had quite a lot of rejections but has ended up with three jobs - that will keep him busy until he starts uni!

The boss does it because the workers allow it. You son doesn’t want the sack but as an adult with agency isn’t doing anything to get out of there. What miracle does he think is going to happen if he doesn’t do anything?

Same. Have worked since I was 15 off my own bat.

At 19 I owned a house. The thought of a parent being so involved in an over 20 year old’s life to this extent is incredible to me.

I have a standard template message I send back

Thanks for the interest for your relative, Is there a reason I need to take into account for employment rules and quotas that they are not able to make the application for themselves? We do welcome applications from everyone and wish to be inclusive so Its important we are able to make adjustments in our process to ensure everyone is able to apply.

Its really important to have systems in place to be inclusive of everyone trying to apply