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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I don’t need to buy these just in case?

132 replies

FlyingSoap · 27/06/2024 12:37

My sister has a toddler and chose not to breastfeed, which is completely fine and she had her reasons! Individual choice. She has been asking me (loads) how I plan on feeding my baby. I intend to breastfeed, I’m researching into it as much as I can before baby’s arrival and really hope we can be successful. If it doesn’t work out for whatever reason I’ll move to formula. I have looked at this too and know the brand we’d go for, and how to safely prepare a bottle and sterilise the equipment.

My sister is repeatedly saying that I must buy 8 bottles, steriliser and tubs of formula just in case. She won’t let it go. I try and change the subject but she finds a way to bring it back onto that whenever we talk about baby prep. She keeps repeating, ‘trust me, breastfeeding is not the easy option from watching my friends, it’s so limiting’. It’s making me feel a bit awkward actually. We live very close by to a 24 hour ASDA so it’s not as though we couldn’t nip out and buy everything we need if we had to. I feel like if I have formula available it will be easier to give up when it is inevitably a bit tricky in the early days.

When it’s not that, it’s how all of her friends had a really traumatic birth, she was never expecting parenthood to be so hard, they nearly got a divorce…

Observationally her DH doesn’t seem to help very much and never has done. My DN is a very easy going toddler with a placid temperament and has slept through for 11 hour nights since about 4/5 months.

I’m not naive enough to think it won’t be really difficult at times (beyond my current comprehension, even) but I never understand why people have to tell you this when you are pregnant almost like they are basking in the experience of having done it already.

Anyway, AIBU to not buy bottles ahead of time? I would worry it would be money wasted. I do have a couple of small ‘Mam’ bottles gifted from the Boots parenting club so not entirely without.

OP posts:

herewego9 · 27/06/2024 12:39

Not unreasonable at all, my two never had a bottle or formula so would have been a waste for us.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 27/06/2024 12:40

I agree with you, in these days of 24 hour supermarkets you can always get those supplies if you need them. You could always buy one bottle of premade formula just in case you do need it.

Slinkyminky22 · 27/06/2024 12:40

No you don't need to buy bottles and other equipment in advance. As you have a supermarket close buy you can buy them if you need them.
Good luck with breastfeeding, it can be very hard to start with but will (should!) get much easier in time.

JurassicClark · 27/06/2024 12:43

The best advice I got was “if you really want to breastfeed, don’t buy anything in ‘just in case’ because when you’re tired and sore it will be too easy to grab that instead of persevering in getting feeding established.”

A lot of people who choose formula do get their knickers in a twist undermining those choosing breastfeeding instead. (Not all or most, but enough to be noticeable)

That’s about them, not about you. Just ignore it.

Very best of luck with the birth and the feeding, OP. I hope it all goes well.

Misthios · 27/06/2024 12:44

Setting yourself up for failure in my opinion, breastfed all three of mine for varying lengths of time but none had a bottle until they were about 6 months old. Your sister sounds like she is insecure with her own decision and sees you doing something different as some sort of criticism of her - which clearly it's not. She is not going to be supportive of your breastfeeding at all, so prepare yourself for all the usual comments about how breastfed babies don't sleep, don't you worry not knowing exactly how many ounces she/he is having, aren't they gaining weight a bit slow, how your DH is being left out, how much easier it would be to share the load etc etc etc.

OhMoreDrama · 27/06/2024 12:44

I'd buy a box of the premade bottles - I was determined to breastfeed but had a very traumatic birth with my second and didn't have any milk/it never came in.

If baby is screaming a minute seems like a long time and it's really nice to have something to hand rather than having to run to the shop!

beckybarefoot · 27/06/2024 12:46

my DD has just had a baby and her intention was to breastfeed full stop.. but, they did have in a couple of bottles and some ready made formula as a back up. You can buy individual bottles nowadays that are 'self sterilising' so you don't need to buckets, and tubs and fluids and things.

breatfeeding didnt work for the first 3 days, so baby needed feeding, so he had formula, as her milk came in, it was easier for her and now at 6 weeks she breast feeds and bottle feeds... she pumps and her hubby can now be involved with the feeding because it is exhausting to begin with.

i don't thinkit hurts to be prepared...

as for all the rest, just don't listen. Every mum has a birth story that will curl your toes.

do your research, do you planning with the midwife and all will be well

Slinkyminky22 · 27/06/2024 12:47

Also just have to pick up on the "breastfeeding can be limiting" comment from your sister.
Yes it was incredibly tough with both children for me. Yes it was limiting at first in that it took a while each feed to latch, I was probably topless and definitely leaking milk everywhere. So getting out and about for the first 2-3 weeks was tricky for me. It was far more comfortable at home. But it soon got easier and everything settled down.
It's very much not limiting when you personally carry as much milk as you need, for an unlimited amount of hours out of the house!

ridingfreely · 27/06/2024 12:47

My DD never had a bottle / formula . I wouldn't know how to prep any of it !

You do you - it sounds like you have a sensible back up option should you need it

I did eventually get a steam steriliser for dummy's but it was small and cheaper than one needed for bottles

Etherealcelestialbeing · 27/06/2024 12:48

I agree you can get what you need if you need it in terms of feeding, as long as you have a shop nearby. Although, middle of the night may be the time you relent!

This however:

There really isn't much chance just after having a baby or when you're in the thick of the newborn days to share how you feel about the huge changes your body and mind are going through. Then when baby is older (maybe toddler years) and you have the headspace, no one wants to hear about how tough you found the baby phase any more.

Perhaps your DSIL needs to talk about her experiences (especially if she has a useless DP). and you, being pregnant, may be more interested than others. She may be trying to forewarn you or protect you or pass on what she has learnt so you don't have the same difficulties.

I don't think people want to upset pregnant women but rather try to inform them of how hard it can be and encourage them to reach out if they need help.

Megifer · 27/06/2024 12:49

No harm in getting a bottle (can sterilise it in boiling water) and a couple of cartons as nothing more stressful than a starving baby cry but I wouldn't say you need to get all of that stuff!!

Roundroundthegarden · 27/06/2024 12:51

Get a few bottles. You really don't know what birth or baby you will have and whether you will struggle in the first few days or not. Easy to think everyone can BF but in reality it's incredibly difficult.

YellowHairband · 27/06/2024 12:51

Honestly it sounds like she isn't totally happy with her choice, and wants you to validate it by making the same decision.

Buying "tubs" of formula just in case is potentially a complete waste of money. We bought bottles but that was because we knew that even if breastfeeding went really well, I'd want to express at some point. I don't see why you'd need formula - you're not going to need it so completely urgently that you need it in the house already.

I'd tell her to cut it out, because I imagine that if you have any issues breastfeeding, she'll be there saying "told you so".

Sandwichgen · 27/06/2024 12:52

if you find you cant breastfeed easily, please ask for help on here when the time comes. There is amazing knowledge.

painauchoc512 · 27/06/2024 12:53

I felt exactly like you did. I planned to breastfeed and didn't want to have formula at home just in case I caved when I was having a bad day. We live nearby large supermarkets so there never would have been an issue if we wanted formula at any point. I ultimately ended up combi feeding after about 11 weeks and it was fab. Everyone's experience is different and everyone's journey is individual. All you can do is prepare in a way that works for you and be ready to change course as having a child often means plans don't quite work out exactly as you'd like. All the best.

PigeonPigPie · 27/06/2024 12:54

Agree it's setting yourself up to fail. You can get anything you need if things don't go to plan. Women have breastfed for all of history - if you're well educated and know where to access support you should be fine. You'll have feeding observed before you're discharged from hospital. Babies only need colostrum to start with. If you want you can hand expressing some syringes as back up once you're later on in pregnancy.

bluebeck · 27/06/2024 12:55

YANBU.

Neither of mine ever had a bottle and I breastfed both for 14 months each. I found it ridiculously easy. Far easier for me than all the faff of bottle feeding.

Your sister sounds really defensive and wants you to fail in some way? Does she have form?

If you have problems breastfeeding you can get bottles. Absolutely a waste of money to do that now.

SmileyHappyPeopleInTheSun · 27/06/2024 12:58

We introduced for eldest bottle of expressed milk around 3 month - other two never had a bottle - second wouldn't take one ever.

I hated pumping got so little out but had many round me insisting I was depriving DH bonding time - turns out he hated bottle feeding. Also had the just in case argument for formula ignored and some actual undermining when bf once baby was there. I think a lot of the anxiety was because rest of family FF and somehow me BF was a negative comment on what they did.

So had nothing in and despite problem never needed it - if you have a 24 hour Asda nearby if you do need them I can't see why it would be a problem to nip over and get if needed.

I did have different problems with first two babies - so my advice read up now - and find where there is BF support before hand just in case.

Apileofballyhoo · 27/06/2024 12:58

I didn't bother getting all that stuff. Had some of the ready made formula but I persevered with breast feeding. Yes it was hard in the beginning, particularly cluster feeding, but when DS started solids and I started to need to bring food with me every where I couldn't believe what a pain it was. Breast feeding is so convenient and easy once it's established.

BooBooButts · 27/06/2024 13:00

I wouldn't buy any of it in advance. Bear in mind you can even buy readymade formula with the teats included if you were to get really desperate. (Or at least you could 4 years ago!).

Good luck with it all, I loved breastfeeding! It was hard work at times but also easier in a lot of ways - I never had to stress about being stuck in traffic etc as I could just pull over and feed if needed. Holidays were a lot less faffy.

Oh and for one of my kids I did end up needing formula for a bit, so we went and bought some and some bottles. It wasn't a big deal!

FictionalCharacter · 27/06/2024 13:01

Tell her to pack it in. She sounds obsessed, she’s bothering you and she should leave you alone to enjoy your pregnancy without being badgered by someone who is anti breastfeeding.
If it turns out you do need formula and bottles you can get all you need in one shop at a supermarket or chemist shop.

Panda34 · 27/06/2024 13:01

YANBU, definitely a waste to buy just in case! Also if you have it in the house, you're more likely to give up when it gets hard. I bought some mam bottles as they were on offer, didn't end up using them, also bought a few ready made formulas just in case, I used 1 but the rest went to waste. This is all I would buy if you want something just in case as they're ready to feed and you can get the ones that come with teets. The rest is a waste unless you end up needing it!

PollyPeep · 27/06/2024 13:03

@FlyingSoap We bought a 6-pack of ready-made formula bottles just in case but didn't need them. You definitely don't need to buy what she's suggesting.

To pick up on her comment that breastfeeding is limiting, it's actually the opposite! Yes I found it difficult, frustrating and painful for the first few weeks but my god it was still a million times easier than sterilising bottles, making up formula, worrying about timings, carrying formula when out, dealing with a screaming baby while making up a bottle, middle of the night runs to the kitchen etc.

When you breastfeed you carry a ready supply of fresh, perfectly prepared milk whenever baby needs it, wherever you are, whatever activity you're doing. Baby is hungry? Takes 5 seconds to whip out a boob! Baby is upset? Takes 5 seconds to whip out a boob! Baby is overtired and won't sleep? Takes 5 seconds... Etc 😄

BloodyAdultDC · 27/06/2024 13:04

I bought bottles and a cold water steriliser before dc1 was born in case my bf didn't go to plan. Turned out that after a bumpy start he never took a bottle. I didn't buy anything at all for dc2.

Bf can be tough, and it does mean that baby is tied to you until they can eat alternatively. But you don't have to spend hours cleaning equipment, worrying about the temperature, packing cool bags, warm flasks, cold flasks etc etc. You can just get up and go whenever you feel like it.

My two tips for anyone planning to be - LANISOH ointment is worth every single penny, and be prepared for every man and his dog to comment on why you're not bottle feeding, and try and prepare some quick one-liner responses.

ErrolTheDragon · 27/06/2024 13:04

I don't think we bought anything in advance. Turned out I had difficulty establishing supply (no one had mentioned that can happen with pcos) and needed to supplement a bit for the first month or so...DH went out and got the necessary. It's not rocket science! That was over 25 years ago, it'd be even more of a non-issue nowadays.

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