To think I don’t need to buy these just in case?

[FlyingSoap]

My sister has a toddler and chose not to breastfeed, which is completely fine and she had her reasons! Individual choice. She has been asking me (loads) how I plan on feeding my baby. I intend to breastfeed, I’m researching into it as much as I can before baby’s arrival and really hope we can be successful. If it doesn’t work out for whatever reason I’ll move to formula. I have looked at this too and know the brand we’d go for, and how to safely prepare a bottle and sterilise the equipment.

My sister is repeatedly saying that I must buy 8 bottles, steriliser and tubs of formula just in case. She won’t let it go. I try and change the subject but she finds a way to bring it back onto that whenever we talk about baby prep. She keeps repeating, ‘trust me, breastfeeding is not the easy option from watching my friends, it’s so limiting’. It’s making me feel a bit awkward actually. We live very close by to a 24 hour ASDA so it’s not as though we couldn’t nip out and buy everything we need if we had to. I feel like if I have formula available it will be easier to give up when it is inevitably a bit tricky in the early days.

When it’s not that, it’s how all of her friends had a really traumatic birth, she was never expecting parenthood to be so hard, they nearly got a divorce…

Observationally her DH doesn’t seem to help very much and never has done. My DN is a very easy going toddler with a placid temperament and has slept through for 11 hour nights since about 4/5 months.

I’m not naive enough to think it won’t be really difficult at times (beyond my current comprehension, even) but I never understand why people have to tell you this when you are pregnant almost like they are basking in the experience of having done it already.

Anyway, AIBU to not buy bottles ahead of time? I would worry it would be money wasted. I do have a couple of small ‘Mam’ bottles gifted from the Boots parenting club so not entirely without.

I never found BF limiting at allbut I have to say I FF DC1 and that was no where near as much as a comical exaggerated faff that some make out to be.

Few spare bottles in bag with cartons or the ready made bottles with teats for emergencies

Always having a few bottles in the steriliser ready

Few cartons in the cupboard just in case

Literally did not have any of the trouble that often gets brought up, just got to prepare a bit like you do when bfing (time it took to prepare was same time to get my maternity bra on or make sure I picked an easily accessible top,had my lansinoh packed, breast pads were new and not used ones I'd chucked in the bag etc).

There are little pre sterilised formula bottles you can buy for newborns they eat so little. If I were you I would buy a box (6 little bottles I think) then you are covered just in case without buying a sterliser or bottles etc and it might just shut your sister up about it

You can also just buy a pack of Milton tabs and do cold water sterilisation if you need. They're cheap and come in handy for stuff like dummies, and toys/teethers down the line. All you need is a big bowl or tub and a tab.

Not even for storing bottles in the fridge and the breast pump parts?! We would sterilise all of those things as that’s guidance

I've breastfed both my sons and I didn't buy any of this stuff. Like you say, if you change your mind you can just go out and buy it all then. Or get it same day on Amazon.

You will face comments from mums who formula fed the whole time you breastfeed. It's boring and exhausting. You do you.

Yep. Them as well!

As I say - you don’t need one if you don’t use bottles. Lots of people don’t pump at all so babies never have bottles.

I got a pumping beginner pack for about £15, it included hand pump, one bottle and a small microwave steriliser. I also bought a single bottle of premade formula for about £1, which lived in the back of the cupboard until 2nd child was about 2.

I knew I would want to pump, so felt better buying that then a load of formula stuff I didn't intend to use, but also knew I had enough in the house that if I was rushed to hospital (or whatever) DH could feed baby.

I never found breastfeeding limiting- quite the opposite! So much easier to leave the house, be out as long as you want, you already have the next feed with you! no sterilising, no planning!

I intended to breastfeed and it didn’t work out. Anyway, when pregnant didn’t buy any bottles or anything related to formula feeding because in my mind, I was going to breastfeed.
When it didn’t work out We just popped out one day and bought those pre made bottles, bought a steriliser and bottles and sorted that all out while the baby was asleep.
It wasn’t an issue- quick trip to boots.
i wouldn’t bother buying bottle feeding paraphernalia yet

Just to note op, a baby might not understand they will have to wait for same day Amazon delivery 😬 (that's if it even turns up same day)

Don't buy anything in advance - if you need it go and get it. Don't buy it 'just in case' best case it's a waste and worst case it makes it more likely you will give up when the going gets tough.

Make sure you get lots of help from the infant feeding team. Don't try and push through if it's painful - get help with the babies latch if needed. And just remember - people have been breastfeeding for as long as humans have existed - you can definitely do this. Good luck!!

Yes but equally they will not let her home unless she is able to start breastfeeding so although she might choose to switch later, if she has been BFing to some extent she will be able to continue to do so for a couple more feeds until she has got herself sorted with bottles etc.

You've got enough to get by with if you do decide to change, especially if you add a couple of small cartons of premade to stay in the cupboard until that point comes (if it does).

Absolutely zero point in buying everything in advance - it's a waste of money.

Not unreasonable, no.

I'd say it was wise to avoid making any unnecessary purchases until it comes to the time and you realise you need X or Y. It stops you buying things that end up gathering dust.

And babies have been "failing to thrive" for just as long!

Having a back up plan is sensible - like I said, I planned to BF but had a traumatic birth and never produced any milk (probably because I lost a lot of blood).

Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Sealed tins/bottles of formula can be donated if they're not needed.

With DC1 I was desperate to breastfeed, but he just wouldn't latch. Hospital wouldn't let me leave unless he was feeding and wouldn't give me a bottle or formula as I had 'expressed a strong desire to breastfeed'. They were very aggressive with DH about not bringing in formula as well. 3 days they kept me in with him screaming because he was hungry until eventually a very kind midwife snuck me a bottle. We know now he was neurodiverse and BF was probably always going to be a problem for him. I wish I'd taken in one already sterilised bottle (you can boil - no need to buy a seriliser) and one of those small pre-made mini formula bottles. This was nearly a decade ago though. I can't imagine them keeping anyone for 3 nights now!

You just never know what you are going to get. DCs 2 and 3 BF fine instantly! And although it was tough to establish supply in the first 2-3 weeks, it was waaaaay easier to just pop them on when we were out than faffing making a bottle.

The little sealed bottles of formula are possibly good compromise 👍

I would have 1 or 2 bottles in the house and some formula you can give just in case. In my case it was always in the middle of the night after much crying from everyone that I needed a bottle. The last thing I would have wanted to do is go to the shop.

I feel like you have been very judgemental towards your sister when all she is trying to do is make you open to the realities of life with a baby. No matter how amazing your husband is there is only so much he can do to help.

Ah that sounds like things have changed, like I say I got a cursory glance and a "yep babys latching but looks like hes struggling a bit, practice more, bye now we need the bed, use Google if you get stuck". We were getting in the car 30 mins after that conversation!

In a way I think being a bit prepared with 1 bottle and a couple of cartons (about £12 in total) gave me a bit of reassurance that if I got fed up I knew I wouldn't have to keep baby screaming for ages while DH got the bottle/formula from the shop and sorted it all out.

The point is not about breastfeeding versus formula feeding, it's about the fact that your sister is not respecting your decisions. Yes, offer your advice once and then move on-it's up to the other person whether or not they want to take it.

She sounds very insecure OP. It sounds like she's worried that you might find motherhood easier than she has and she's dumping that all on to you. It is very unfair of her to do that.

I would have an open conversation and say that you trust your own judgement and will do what is best for you and your child.

don’t is my advice.

ime breastfeeding was HARD especially after a section. If you want to feed them you need to keep latching them on to make the milk come through.
if i had formula in the cupboard I would definitely have caved and gone to a bottle. We had to just keep trying and it all worked out in the end.

it’s not like i imagined it would be - ie totally natural and easy and the milk just arrives once you have the baby in your arms.

best of luck with whatever you decide but if you are determined to do it your perseverance will most likely pay off.

studies show less than 10% of women are physiologically not able to breastfeed. So unless you are in this small minority keep trying if it’s what you want!

You don't need to buy bottles in advance. Every single 24 hour supermarket sells bottles and premade formula.

Tell your sister "Thanks for the advice!" and ignore her.

I voted YABU because you can't rely on supermarkets to necessarily be there stocked with what you need 24/7. Supply chains fail easily as we saw in 2020. I wouldn't necessarily expect a run on baby bottles but sterilising equipment will certainly be targetted in certain circumstances eg threat of impending war or terrorist attack.

There is also the question of what happens if you can't get out to the shops for whatever reason.

Yes these things are unlikely to coincide with the moment you need to buy them but you have to assess the risk and see if you're comfortable with it. Likelihood low, impact high. It's fine if you are able to continue to breastfeed of course so factor that into your decision.

I had a discussion with mum's at baby group yesterday, that was about how most are finding motherhood much harder than they expected/imagined it could be. And that's with a range of babies, with their own temperaments, sleep patterns, feeding habits etc. I really don't think people are "basking" in the experience. In the hardest moments of parenting, I think back to other's stories as confirmation that parenting can be gruelling as well as amazing!

Best of luck, OP.