To think I don’t need to buy these just in case?

[FlyingSoap]

My sister has a toddler and chose not to breastfeed, which is completely fine and she had her reasons! Individual choice. She has been asking me (loads) how I plan on feeding my baby. I intend to breastfeed, I’m researching into it as much as I can before baby’s arrival and really hope we can be successful. If it doesn’t work out for whatever reason I’ll move to formula. I have looked at this too and know the brand we’d go for, and how to safely prepare a bottle and sterilise the equipment.

My sister is repeatedly saying that I must buy 8 bottles, steriliser and tubs of formula just in case. She won’t let it go. I try and change the subject but she finds a way to bring it back onto that whenever we talk about baby prep. She keeps repeating, ‘trust me, breastfeeding is not the easy option from watching my friends, it’s so limiting’. It’s making me feel a bit awkward actually. We live very close by to a 24 hour ASDA so it’s not as though we couldn’t nip out and buy everything we need if we had to. I feel like if I have formula available it will be easier to give up when it is inevitably a bit tricky in the early days.

When it’s not that, it’s how all of her friends had a really traumatic birth, she was never expecting parenthood to be so hard, they nearly got a divorce…

Observationally her DH doesn’t seem to help very much and never has done. My DN is a very easy going toddler with a placid temperament and has slept through for 11 hour nights since about 4/5 months.

I’m not naive enough to think it won’t be really difficult at times (beyond my current comprehension, even) but I never understand why people have to tell you this when you are pregnant almost like they are basking in the experience of having done it already.

Anyway, AIBU to not buy bottles ahead of time? I would worry it would be money wasted. I do have a couple of small ‘Mam’ bottles gifted from the Boots parenting club so not entirely without.

Like you I wanted to breastfeed but for various reasons it didn't happen. If I'd have known then what I know now I'd have just had a box of pre made bottles because it was just one more stress on top of everything else that could have been avoided. Hope you manage to do it but don't let people push you if there's a reason it doesn't happen. Fed really is best. Good luck 🤞

I've breastfed one and combi fed the other. Still going at 10 months with DS. I would say if you want to exclusively breastfeed, it's better not to buy formula in advance as it is a temptation when you are sore/baby is fussing etc. I had lots of pain breastfeeding my second but never offered a bottle for the first month as I'd had an experience with my first where we gave formula top ups and it pretty much made getting to exclusive breastfeeding impossible. Having done both I would say breastfeeding was harder for the first 6 weeks or so and then incredibly easy.

As others have mentioned, your sister's comments are about her own feelings and nothing to do with you. My MIL and SIL have bottle fed all their children and occasionally made comments to me about big hungry boy/sleep/father being able to help etc. I just smiled and either explained why I had made the choice or changed the subject.

I had a difficult birth with my first child and I have discussed it with pregnant friends but only to s ccay why I think it happened (it was fairly classic "cascade of intervention" resulting in my pushing on my back for ages and an assisted delivery) just to explain why I think I ended up there and what I would do differently. Realistically I don't think lying about birth helps either and saying everything was easy contributes to women feeling a failure if it doesn't go well. I do also compare it with my second birth which went well and I would only mention any of it if asked to someone I know well.

I was told by a friend who was a breastfeeding counsellor that it is best to go into it thinking that you will succeed, rather than thinking that you hope to breastfeed, it gives you a more positive outlook.

I think your approach is perfect, you can get what you need easily, but it is not there immediately if you have a bad day. I did have two of the ready made bottles in the cupboard just in case with my eldest, but it wasn’t needed.

If things don’t work out for any reason, please don’t be concerned about switching to formula, I had to wean one of my three early due to being ill myself and it has made no difference to her health either then or now (she is 32 next week!)

I was planning to breastfeed but also bought some ready made formula (individual serving where you put a disposable teat) in case. I thought if I have a crying baby that isn’t latching or whatever I’d have it to hand instead of having to go to the store etc. but you do whatever works for you

Sorry, just to add, I also follow the hospital where I gave birth on Instagram and they have the statistics about assisted delivery etc so I would also say, "this is 15%" of people, far less than the % who give birth by elective or emergency caesarian or without any of those things. Most of my friends I think would want to know what the possible outcomes of birth are and what that might be like for them.

Breastfeeding is very limiting as it means only you can feed, and this includes doing the nights, unless you can express enough. Some babies only sleep for small amounts of time, or feed to sleep, so it means you never sleep a full night for months and months and you can’t be away from baby for any length of time. I suspect that’s what she means.

i think thr fact so many people are telling you it’s setting yourself up for failure as you will cave when it gets hard, show the road you may have ahead of you.

i suspect your sister is thinking In your best interests. Breast feeding is hard in thr base case for many women, but the broken sleep it absolutely guarantees and the constant attachment and need to be close can be very very difficult indeed.

I bought two bottles of the ready made up formula.

i made sure to ask nurses/midwives/health visitors for help repeatedly with the latch in the early days. don't feel embarrassed. getting those early days right is vital.

also i watched videos on youtube/nhs website, super helpful

I had friends who struggled but due to my self-educating and with a bit of luck, i breastfed exclusively for 6 months

I think you'll be fine - bless your sister, she's trying to help so be kind, but also do your own thing x

I breastfed my babies and would have at least a bottle and a couple of those of those small premade milk cartons just in case .

I bought bottles and premade formula for all of mine ‘just in case’ - breastfed the first one mostly for 6 months, dh did a couple of bottle feeds on some of the terrible nights. Was pretty much the same with the other 2 aswell. Personally we were really grateful to have had them there as an option, breastfeeding isn’t a competition where you ‘lose’ by giving them a bottle, I didn’t need to prove myself as a breastfeeds and refuse to ‘give up’ by giving a bottle. At 2am it was a blessing we had been prepared and dh could step in and offer a bottle and not have to drive to the supermarket in the middle of the night!
Your choice though, it’s got bugger all to do with anyone else.

I'd buy a 6 pack of the ready to feed bottles with teats. All 3 of mine bf nearly 2 years each, and all 3 had some amount of formula in the early days. IMO it's one of those things that's better to have and not need, than to need and not have.
And breastfeeding is limiting, but only for a few months, and only if they wont take a bottle (DS3!). Definitely don't be put off in advance!

I wouldn't bother buying it in advance giving you have a supermarket so close. Check it's still 24 hours though because a lot aren't anymore.

What I would suggest is spending a small amount of time before baby is here to check. You know what you need to do/buy for formula feeding. I've known several friends who have found themselves almost delerious with exhaustion, staring at the formula aisle at 3:00 a.m. trying to work out what to do.

Having done both personally I had no difficulty with breastfeeding in the early days thankfully (ironic as I didn't want to do it but baby insisted), but I appreciate that can be quite unusual. I did find I got a huge amount more rest when formula feeding my first because we shared it equally. The rest made a huge difference to my emotional mental health, but it was quite nice and cosy with bf and it was nice having it on tap.

The most important thing is that you give a good stab at feeding the way that you want. I'm not personally a believer giving the occasional early bottle screws up breastfeeding (I actively tried this. It didn't work for me!) and most of my breastfeeding friends gave at least one top up in the first few weeks, many started off as combi feeders.

You want to breastfeed, It's good for baby, give it a go. If you want to or need to give a top up just do it. It's not the end of the world. If you have enough and you want to move to formula, that's just as fine.

I’m with your sister as my milk only came in on day 5 after the birth. You only need a couple of bottles and you will need a steriliser anyway

Trust me, it’s incredibly easy to pick that stuff up at short notice. It certainly doesn’t require any particular planning. My dh had to do this when I had an emergency operation when ds was only a couple of weeks old and he managed just fine with a new baby in tow too.

I have always told pregnant women that I had two perfectly normal labours (true) and to listen to advice, nod wisely and do your own thing.

If you have a supermarket just up the road then I don't think it's necessary to buy in advance, but your choice

Has your sister offered her steriliser to you? If you eventually need to buy bottles the ones with straws in are good. My DGC had silent reflux and they did help. Don't think you actually need 8 bottles, DGC had about 5. Steam sterilisers are very quick and don't hold as much as you think

Good luck with everything, would love to hear what you have and how it all goes
x

I went down the route of having a few of the pre-made bottles which already have teats.

With DD1 I did need one (just one), mostly thanks to crap support in hospital.

DD2 I didn’t use them at all.

I used the spare milk in weaning food later on.

She’s nuts to say that BFing is limiting. I know it can be hard for some people to start. But once you’ve got it sorted it’s the easiest thing in the world. Why would you faff with measuring powder / boiling water / sterilising / remembering to take bottles out with you, when you can just latch a baby on.

OP I think you have it exactly right. Don't buy it. I think you can over prep in what you buy for babies and truth be told - when newborns they are not that complicated/everything is so available from supermarkets /amazon etc.

If I was you - I'd work on a strategy to shut down the comments - you know what's best for you - so just need a way of telling everyone to mind their own business!

Also disagree with the setting up to fail comments but only based off my experience. And i had those comments from the MW which felt a bit patronising (to me). Like id be too weak and give up persevering just because i knew i had a bottle in the cupboard. It also felt a bit controlling in a way (again just to me), like if I reached the point of genuinely wanting to stop or top up just to save my sanity until I was in a better place I'd then be 'punished' by making screaming baby wait while I went to the shop etc.

Don't get me wrong, I was slightly tempted on and off, but the bottle was unsteralised, so I knew it would take at least 20 mins to sort that, by which time I'd pushed through.

I think this is a situation where only you know your personality and what might motivate you to persevere, or 'give in'. If you think you'd be tempted to try the bottle just because it's in, and you don't want to do that, then don't.

I guess its a willpower thing - e.g. if you know you need to stop eating biscuits, are you the sort who has to ban them from your home type thing.

Feed how you want. Accept that breastfeeding is very emotive as so many have tried and failed at it.

But.....a trip to Asda and back when you have an inconsolably starving baby screaming and are recovering from birth will feel like a very long time! It's not uncommon to have some trouble in the early days with feeding yet still breastfeed long term. I think a couple of bottles and some pre mixed formula would be a good idea.

No, you don’t need a steriliser if you’re not giving a baby bottles or a dummy.

Also, it's not really about 'giving up' or being 'weak'...your milk may be delayed/not come in/baby losing weight and being put on a feeding plan. So you may just have to do the pragmatic thing for a hungry baby, which is feed them. And they don't like to wait.

I found having a pack of the newborn ready made bottles that come with teats really helpful as baby was a bit early and we had a bit of trouble with latching. Giving a tiny bit of formula took the edge off his hunger so he could concentrate on latching and then feeding properly. I found the kellymom website and le leche league websites super helpful as well as in person support!

You can do it!!!

I 100% thought I would breastfeed, never thought about buying bottles just in case. But my milk never came in, baby was starving and I was emotional! I was in hospital after a c section so they had pre made bottles avaliable. I used them and my mum went to boots and got the bottles and formula.
If you can buy a couple of pre made bottles just in case I would. If you don't use them you haven't spent much and if you need them they are there.
I wasnt really thinking too clearly with the hormones and lack of sleep so it might be a little more stressful than you think.

I second Lansinoh nipple cream too. I exclusively bf DS 1 until he was 3 and still bf DD2. Didn't have any comments but that may have been my smiling fuck off face.

I bought premade formula with DS 1 just in case as it was lockdown 1.0 but never used and never bothered with DD 2. I pumped occasionally.

Breastfeeding can be hard but with good support it's amazing. There is a good Facebook page Breastfeeding and Lactation Support UK and use your local la leche league if needs be and for information online. There are also infant feeding support teams on insta. So do look for outside help as not all health visitors/GPs are helpful beyond checking for mastitis or thrush.

Boob solves so many issues too; tired, hungry, over tired, over stimulated, tantrums, keeping baby still to change a nappy. No worrying about sterilising in the night, I've stopped to feed in a car park before, once less worry when going out.

Just remember cluster feeding is completely normal, have plenty of drinks, snacks and tv remote/book ready!

You're right, you don't need to buy anything in 'just in case'. If you really do need it in hospital because feeding isn't working then they will provide the first bit of formula.

If you want to set yourself up for success bf I'd definitely recommend finding out where you can access support for when you need it (and you probably will!) like local breastfeeding support groups. If you can afford it, put some money aside for if you need proper feeding support from and IBCLC or in getting a tongue tie divided.

Research what is biologically normal for a newborn baby so it's less of a surprise when baby won't be put down.

Yes bf is incredibly limiting at first but it's also bloody fantastic not to have to faff around making a bottle in the middle of the night with a screaming baby or making sure you've got enough formula/bottles if you're going out for the day. Yes you have to do the night feeds without any help but if you can learn to bf lying down you're onto a winner 🙌

Ignore your DSis, sounds like she's not happy with her choices and is trying to justify it

Actually teething toys if baby starts teething at 3 months like mine did😳