Refuse to chip in

[MumOf2Here]

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

I find neutral non-engagement works well with people like this.

I'm going to have to cook for days and I don't have time - I'm sure everything will turn out fine.

Can you pay X towards the bouncy castle - that's not possible, I'm sure you'll get it sorted out.

I'm going to suggest a dress code - I know what I am wearing already but I'm sure some people will be happy to participate.

How many people are chipping in for the bouncing castle - sounds like she is buying something rather than renting or it’s actually to cover the costs of meat and stuff for all the guests (I assume it’s not for booze). If she is buying is she keeping it afterwards? Is this in her house? Is she a cf who wants to keep the extras or is she just an anxious perfectionist?

I’ve been to lovely garden parties where they’ve had kids of all ages - people brought umbrellas/gazebo’s and put babies/younger toddlers on blankets under them with toys and brought a few toys along for the older kids who tend to just be excited to play with other kids anyway. Bouncing castles are not necessary and as people pointed out will just cause issues with younger kids being crushed.

In terms of food I don’t see a problem with it being pot luck and asking guests to bring a dish. I’ve been to pot lucks where some people bring elaborate stuff and others buy mini muffins from their local supermarket and it’s all acceptable. Happy to be asked for a starter/desert as long as I can decide what I bring and doesn’t have to be homemade. In terms of sprucing things up - ask all the guests to bring a flower and put them in jars/vases. Or older kids can make crepe decorations at the start of the party! Ask people if they can bring tablecloths or things they already own - keep it simple, no need for spending a bomb!

I would let the woman know “happy with a floral theme/summer theme but I don’t own a maxi dress so I will wear a skirt”. At the end of the day the party is for your good friend not the acquaintance throwing it.

I’d say you’ve stated it’s child free so I have sorted childcare and won’t be chipping in for others kids entertainment. It was her idea not yours I don’t understand why she’s trying to make you pay a penny!

basically this. She said her kids are home as will be the holidays therefore her kids and the other 2 very young kids will have bouncy castle entertainment x

“Sorry something has come up and I can’t make that date any more.”

a bouncy castle for 4 children is a joke. sounds like it's something she might have promised her children, and now expecting others to fund it

Since when would a one yr old use a bouncy castle anyways.

I would be curious how much the total cost is- I bet she's trying to put most of it on you!

This sounds like she wants an Instagram party - “look how cute this is, kids having fun in the wildly unnecessary bouncy castle and we all have matchy matchy outfits.”

I would reply:

”happy for kids to attend, but as we initially has said we wouldn’t I’ve now got childcare lined up and paid for. As such I won’t contribute to the bouncy castle on this occasion otherwise I will be quite a bit down on this one due to change of plans. Happy to make a dish, how about (insert basic cost effective dish)?”

I would say she’s taking the mick. Is this party for the m2b or is it for her? It’s all totally unreasonable and unnecessary!

Same here. Making it a massive event is madness.

Yes OP, the expectations of your friend are completely OTT. And changing the rules re bringing children so that it suits her, then dress code, food dish and contribution towards bouncy castle. NO NO NO

Exactly this. She wants to organise a party that would look good on the gram and she can take all the credit. Is your friend always like this OP?

I would say "I'll wear something floral/summery if you like but I'm not splashing out on a maxi dress and I can't contribute to a bouncy castle, it's a bit excessive!

I'll bring a trifle".

Thank you for all of ur replies xx

She has been messaging me and another friend of mine non-stop over the past few days suggesting one of us makes burgers and another does the drinks and cocktails / mocktails - should we now invite kids - can u help me search for deco, now I need long tables for the garden and to “help me source them” etc etc etc

I told her I have sorted childcare already, so in terms of bouncy castle i wont be contributing. Food wise im bringing a cake that I know pregnant friend likes. Helping her source deco - I’ve told her to look in the local shops first - she replied i’ve spent £80 on deco how will i manage the rest?

The tables - I told her to call around the community centres see if they hire but i am unable to call for her as i work the hours they are open.
I ended the message with, can’t wait, see you then

Im completely shocked that she is throwing this in her house considering how big she is wanting it. Initially anothrr friend attending did recommend a hotel which hires a hall at £20 a head to cater an afternoon tea and provides everythn like deco furniture food etc but she wanted to be the one who threw the shower and took credit for it all.

Tbh ive never really seen this side of her, but i think she has just took on a task too big which she now regrets and instead of asking for help, she is delegating tasks to everyone as if we are all co-hosts forgetting the fact that we all have other responsibilities

She hasn't taken on a task that's too big - she has made it too big.

This is utterly bonkers. Tell her she has to scale it back. If you are in UK, there’s a 50% chance it will rain on her tables in the garden! what is wrong with people? Over the top does not mean better, disaster waiting to happen

this is like watching a some spectacular disaster unfold like someone walking into a massive cake. she's set herself up to fail.

keep your distance otherwise you will just get the blame and needless aggro

I like your friends suggestion of going out for a cream tea. Everyone can pay for their own and chip a couple of quid towards the special guest, so she doesn't have to pay. Having it in her house is mad, if it's small inside as it may rain outside.

how many tables are needed for a baby shower?!
why isn't one enough?
and she's already spent £80 on decor but wants more?!
do you know how many guests are supposed to be attending this extravaganza?
can't her own children entertain any visiting children in their garden or bedroom(s)?
what does the poor heavily-pregnant friend think of all this batshittery?

This sounds completely out of hand, but OP you are setting some boundaries. If she keeps on messaging, either ignore the requests, or if you can’t, just say that you feel this is getting a bit OTT and that if she wants to go to all this huge effort that is fine, but as far as you are concerned it’s not necessary. As for the dress code, if you don’t have a flowery dress or whatever, just say ‘I don’t have anything like that in my wardrobe’ and don’t offer to buy something!

Well she gets to keep all the decorations afterwards
All the spare food.

Clean up the mess.
Her children get a bouncer castle afterwards for a few hours...
I would go to Tesco, lemonade is 40p for a 2 litter bottle. Yes it tastes fine.
Grab some juice, orange , pineapple , grapefruit and apple and some squash.

Paper cups.
£10 max. Leave on the side self serve.

Nope, say really sorry, but you have made childcare plans so you won’t be contributing to the bouncy castle. Incidentally I hate bouncy castles - I know of a really horrible accident that happened on one, and my own little grandson fractured his leg on a bouncy pillow - he just landed awkwardly :( It seems like she is getting carried away with it all.

She sounds like an awful tit that I would be muting and NEVER agree to be involved with anything with her again.
The £20 all in deal sounds reasonable but she allowed her ego to take over.
I have never been to a baby shower and have only heard of them being a thing on MN.
I suspect a lot of people think they are the definition of tacky, like so many of the outsized hen do's that cause such drama on MN.
Be very clear you had NOTHING to do with it on the day, it was all her.
I too had a lunatic second child, good call to leave them at home...no peace with them😁

Tables - advise her to message everyone to see if anyone has (or can borrow from family/friends) some camping tables and throw some table clothes over them.

If that's a no go, everyone will cope.

I have never had or attended a baby shower, but ones I've seen photos of on friends' social media seem to be mainly cream teas or a few games in someone's living room.

Sorry … a fucking dress code. What is she on ??? And no, I definitely would not be funding a bouncy castle!