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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refuse to chip in

150 replies

MumOf2Here · 26/06/2024 23:27

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 27/06/2024 04:19

Fuck that shit.

And I thought bouncy castles were for 6+, some places suggest smaller kids can go on with an adult (so one kid, one adult, no one else) but even those recommendations are for 3+.

Sounds like an expensive nightmare.

andyourpointiswhat · 27/06/2024 04:55

Keep your childcare, go kid free, and tell this friend that as you are not bringing your child there is no need for you to contribute to kids entertainment. I wonder which suckers are going to end up supervising the kids, bet this woman swans off “organising” leaving her kids with others.

Re. food smile sweetly and tell her you are sure she has it in hand, unfortunately due to other commitments you won’t have time to make a dish but you are happy to bring a couple of bags of crisps if someone else wants to provide dips. As you have probably realised I hate CFs.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 27/06/2024 05:03

MumOf2Here · 27/06/2024 00:05

and yes a dress code - A “fancy floral maxi
dress”
Which i dont own lol

Not in a million years would I buy / wear a dress like that, it isn’t 1970 fgs.
I certainly wouldn’t pay for a bouncy castle.
I wouldn’t mind bringing food - except I wouldn’t be going. Baby Showers are just ridiculous. She’s a twat.

ichundich · 27/06/2024 05:10

Someone's spent too much time following American influencers. I wouldn't chip in or adhere to the 'dress code' either. In fact, I'd be busy all of a sudden.

KomodoOhno · 27/06/2024 05:15

As a Hispanic we take baby showers seriously. I'm also American and had over 80 people at mine, it's a Mexican thing. And I still think this dress code jumping castle drama is nonsense. I'd suddenly remember a previous commitment.

olympicsrock · 27/06/2024 05:24

Absolutely ridiculous. The bouncy castle is far too expensive. A movie on the TV would do fine for the children who shouldn’t be there but need to be.
The dress code is also silly . I’d be unable to attend this do. Take the MTB out for tea and cake another day and give her a gift. Job done.

Nanaof1 · 27/06/2024 05:34

MumOf2Here · 26/06/2024 23:27

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

I think you should be "busy" that day and buy your friend a nice gift (what you can afford) and go see her another day.
This organizer is trying to write checks her abilities can't cash; so she expects everyone else to "fix it" for her.
Not your circus, not your clown car.

Andwegoroundagain · 27/06/2024 05:44

A bouncy castle is not appropriate entertainment for 2 small children and the mum will have to be in there with them.
Tell your friend to ask the mum what entertainment the kids would like eg TV, some toys would be spot on. Maybe a paddling pool if it's outside

Codlingmoths · 27/06/2024 05:47

’thanks but I’m good. I organised childcare like you said I had to, so I’m locked into paying for that now.’

101Nutella · 27/06/2024 05:59

Bouncy castles are really noisy with the pump sound and 1 year old don’t really understand them. We had to supervise on them so it’s not something you can leave then on as childcare, it will ruin the relaxing atmosphere.

id day no

FUBAR77 · 27/06/2024 06:04

OP she sounds like my sister who loves to ‘do’ for people, but in reality ropes in others while she gets the credit for it.

example; years ago she calls me and said she wanted to get a friend of ours (neither one of us particularly close to btw) a gift for her 30th birthday as she’d had a rough time with ‘blah and blah’ and did I want to come in on it, I said yes that fine - then said ok great, can you buy something then as I don’t have any money at the moment. Gubbins me organised a card and present from both of us that I didn’t get thanked for, my sister did as she’d messaged the friend to say expect something special 🤣😂

Just say no sorry, this is all getting a bit much now…

Singersong · 27/06/2024 06:13

I simply wouldn't go.

pinkdelight · 27/06/2024 06:14

That dresscode sounds like The Stepford Wives. No way would I go along with this. Don't get swept up by any of it. You made childcare plans on the basis of what she told you. Say you'll come along if she likes but you're not funding a bouncy castle or buying an outfit specially for it. If that's an issue, use the childcare time to do something nice for yourself. Taking food along is about the only part of it I'd go along with tho I'd buy something not make.

NeverEnoughPants · 27/06/2024 06:19

So basically she needs to take her kids, wants a bouncy castle for their sake but is trying to say it's for someone else that has kids that are too young to use it so that you will help pay for it.

That would be a big nope from me.

Kitkatcatflap · 27/06/2024 06:20

I think it would be nice to take some food. Can be bought picky bits of you don't have time. Tiger do floral headbands - easy if you don't want to commit to a flower power dress. No way would I be forking out for a bouncy castle. All the women with with children bring along a couple of toys, that can be put in the middle a shared and the the children will love it.

Poolstream · 27/06/2024 06:32

I wouldn’t pay towards a bouncy castle.
A 2 year old would be happy with a soft ball.

Conniebygaslight · 27/06/2024 06:38

Not a chance….CF!

SapphireSeptember · 27/06/2024 06:46

The Relief Society in my ward are throwing me a baby shower, the friends I've invited from outside the church have been told I'm not expecting presents, as they've already given me stuff! I just want people who've been supportive of me and my pregnancy to come and have a nice time. 🥰

Alwaysthesun24 · 27/06/2024 06:51

I'd give it a miss tbh. I hate the concept of baby showers full stop though, especially themed/expensive ones.

SheilaFentiman · 27/06/2024 06:52

If this woman doesn’t have kids, I am wondering if she has even spoken to the mother of the 1 and 2 year old about the bouncy castle idea.

hopscotcher · 27/06/2024 06:53

I'd refuse to pay towards the bouncy castle. Not arsily, just no, sorry, then don't mention it again. I wouldn't actually want to go to the thing itself if it meant buying a new dress (wtf) but if that seems a bit too grumpy, go, and take a dish. Be specific about what you'll bring though, or she'll have you responsible for half a buffet!

SheilaFentiman · 27/06/2024 06:55

I’m sure that mum is planning to bring along a couple of toys for her two and that’s it.

I think it would be a shame to miss it for the sake of your friend.

”hi CF, I’ll bring a couple of quiches from the co op, I don’t have a floral dress so I’ll sling on something summery, I think a bouncy castle is a bad idea and my kids aren’t coming, so I wouldn’t book one if I were you, but I won’t be contributing if you do. Busy at work the next few days so I will be slow on messages, but see you on Saturday!”

Alwaysthesun24 · 27/06/2024 06:55

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 27/06/2024 05:03

Not in a million years would I buy / wear a dress like that, it isn’t 1970 fgs.
I certainly wouldn’t pay for a bouncy castle.
I wouldn’t mind bringing food - except I wouldn’t be going. Baby Showers are just ridiculous. She’s a twat.

Show quote history

A dress code is silly, I agree, however floral maxi dresses are not just a 1970s thing. 🫣

entiredayfighting · 27/06/2024 07:02

Not a fan of baby showers. Wait til her baby is here safely before celebrating.
No danger would I be funding a bouncy castle. The children sound too young for it anyway, and would need to be supervised constantly

DeliciousApples · 27/06/2024 07:16

Totally agree with a PP who said:

"I’m sure that mum is planning to bring along a couple of toys for her two and that’s it.

I think it would be a shame to miss it for the sake of your friend.

”hi CF, I’ll bring a couple of quiches from the co op, I don’t have a floral dress so I’ll sling on something summery, I think a bouncy castle is a bad idea and my kids aren’t coming, so I wouldn’t book one if I were you, but I won’t be contributing if you do. Busy at work the next few days so I will be slow on messages, but see you on Saturday!” "