Refuse to chip in

[MumOf2Here]

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

Bouncy castle - up to you. I’d be fine with it, but everyone has a different budget.
Food - I would have no problem doing this.
Dress code - up to you.

Suggestions to invoice for childcare - unhinged.

I’m not on board with all this the kids will hate it and it’s not safe- my 2yo goes nuts on a bouncy castle and the trampoline. But I wouldn’t be contributing.

I didn't say that.

My point is whether or not the mum herself wants the bouncy castle HIRED (FFS) or if this is all CF's idea!

Exactly this.

BTW, a bouncy castle is dangerous for such young children unless they are constantly supervised, is noisy and takes up a lot of space. I suspect the organiser hasn’t thought this through properly. I’d let her know that it’s a bad idea as it will completely distract from the rest of the baby shower, and it’s not really fair on the mother who is coming as it will essentially exclude her from the rest of the conversation.

If the mother can’t leave her toddlers (and that’s understandable - they are both very young), it may be better if she gets a teenager or babysitter to come to the event itself and do craft with the kids for an hour. That way, she can actually take part properly and also know the kids are taken care of. However, I would expect her to pay for this herself - this shouldn’t be a communal cost.

I would still go and would recommend you bring food though - I think that’s a normal thing to ask at this sort of event.

An entire bouncy castle for 2 toddlers?! Or are other DC coming now? I wouldn’t want to chip in for the bouncy castle if your own dc still isn’t coming. 2 toddlers just need a bit of sand in a tub or a water table or something surely? or just toys from home or wandering around!

When my dc were 1-2 a bouncy castle would have been more trouble than it’s worth and would have needed or wanted a lot of help and supervision.

It sounds like the person organising it now wants to take their kids, as it's the school holidays. Maybe I'm misreading, but school age kids would appreciate a bouncy castle much more than toddlers..

WTAF? Do not go. Arrange a lovely lunch with your friend whose shower it is.

Ah, I missed that. School age children would definitely appreciate a bouncy castle.

I think I'd pay and take my DC in that situation. And get a dress from Vinted (if time!).

I would suddenly realise I have an appointment that I can't cancel or something so won't be attending the baby shower. You can give your gift direct to your friend on another day.

But then I don't understand or "do" baby showers. Can't see the point of them.

Second thread I've read where people are doing this, paying towards the event. I would absolutely refuse to contribute and only bring a dish of something. Also I would not stick to their dress code. It's getting ridiculously out of hand.

I'd say, no need for the bouncy castle as I've already arranged childcare. I'm not paying extra for the castle! That's crazy 🤪

I cannot stand these head cook and bottle washer types who have to be in charge of everything and think everyone else should fall into line. You just know she’ll try to make it everyone else’s fault if they don’t agree to her plan.

I'd reply “I’m afraid I’ve organised and paid for childcare now, so obviously I can’t afford to pay for children’s entertainment I won’t actually benefit from on top of that. Happy to contribute to the food though”.

And although I bloody love a floral dress, I’d be attending in a plain top and trousers out of sheer belligerence.

I would be backing away from this completely.
You are being used as an ATM, she isn't interesting in what suits anyone other than herself.
I'd be busy.

I'd reply

"I'm not chipping in for a journey castle that my kids won't be there to use 🤣

Happy to provide ingredients or cook but not both. Hit me with a few options."

Ignore the dress code.

If you want to go, tell her the bouncy castle is a bad idea so you're not paying (worded more nicely though).

Then just wear any floral print item and bring something cheap like potato salad. Definitely don't feel obligated to go though, you didn't ask her to plan it.

love this thank you.

Thank you to everyone who has posted. I really did think it was me being an a-hole about it all and my other half made me feel worse and said just do it. But now i know it is actually stupid.
unfortunately, a day later she is still messaging me to search for her deco as “she is too ill to search herself” and asking if she should make certain foods that would take atleast 2 days of prep. (meat - marinating, cooking and then presenting) She is indirectly wanting me to say “i’ll do it” but im refusing to. Really wish i had a backbone at times like this hahaha thank you - I’ll try and update you on what happens next in this ridiculous soap lol xx

I messaged her saying I hardly get time away from my children so i really just wanted time to enjoy myself without pulling my kids apart from fighting every 5 seconds. She still suggested i pay for the bouncy castle anyway lol as its “my fault for pulling out so others will have to cough up more“ I have a floral skirt so think i will wear that. But right now staying home with my fighting toddlers seems more appealing lol xx

I like baby showers, I buy a small gift (bibs, nappies, wipes etc) and take an offering of food. I buy a larger gift when baby has safely arrived.

I would not adhere to a dress code, neither has one ever been suggested.

I would message and say don’t get a bouncy castle with my children in mind as they aren’t coming and don’t mention it again.

Id make the effort to go for your friend, she’d likely be mortified at this woman action who may well of already scared off half the guest meaning she’ll have hardly anybody there!

She is a CF and when you tolerate them making a fool of you, you make little of yourself and send a clear message that you are a mug.

Hence her trying to tell you that you should pay for a bouncy castle as well as having your children looked after.

I would be very tempted to back out or say you will be arriving later.
More trouble than it's worth IMO.

Marinating meat???

FFS, she just needs to buy some baguettes, potato salad and naice ham and get on with it. It’s not a royal wedding!

Obviously don’t go. Sounds shit and this woman is making a total dick of you. You can shower the pregnant woman in consumer products separately to this farce if you feel the need.
‘Hey, I can no longer attend, good luck though.’

She still suggested i pay for the bouncy castle anyway lol as its “my fault for pulling out so others will have to cough up more“

she is batshit!

Pulling out??? Op, stop trying to be peaceful and friendly!! Say ‘I did not ‘pull out’ of the jumping castle, you bloody well told me not to bring my kids because it should be childfree. You’ve changed your mind but too late for me since I’ve booked childcare. I should be getting you to pay my unnecessary childcare not you pushing me to pay for your bouncy castle.’

I'm with Goldgamer!