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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refuse to chip in

150 replies

MumOf2Here · 26/06/2024 23:27

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

OP posts:
RoseMarigoldViolet · 29/06/2024 06:12

I am not keen on baby showers but if she wants to do it then just keep it simple. Afternoon, drinks/afternoon tea type food, and presents for the pregnant one. People try harder to get childcare. Definitely no bouncy castle.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 29/06/2024 06:15

SheilaFentiman · 29/06/2024 00:16

Also - retrieving a wailing child from a bouncy castle dressed in a floral maxi is a level of Hell that even Dante didn’t imagine.

😄 Very funny! This gave me an early morning laugh!

Catopia · 29/06/2024 06:29

A bouncy castle because of a 2 and 1 year old.... Does this person have children and have they thought this through?

As for a dress code, certainly the subject of the shower herself by the point this goes ahead is likely going to be wearing whatever feels most comfortable, and may not herself want a dress code. And would absolutely not want to worry about a load of other people's toddlers potentially being bounced on by overexcited older children on a bouncy castle...

Mothership4two · 29/06/2024 06:42

Sounds like this is the first child for pregnant friend. A bouncy castle with a load of toddlers is a good way to make her view her approaching motherhood with a far more jaundiced eye!

Toooldforthis36 · 29/06/2024 06:46

Baby showers are so tacky - when did they become a thing here!?! I personally would bow out..

CheshireDing · 29/06/2024 06:55

I have never been to a baby shower. With my third DC a friend offered to host one and I quickly put a stop to it. They sound shit and tacky (thinking of Phil Fodens baby shower pics here ) 🤣

Tell her a bouncy castle is a stupid idea, it's supposed to be about the mum, not supervising the current kids.

Tell her you will wear what you like. If someone told me to wear a maxi floral dress it would drown me and I would look ridiculous.

I think she wants all the Instagram glory with little effort

Samthedog71717 · 29/06/2024 07:19

I wouldn't get involved with a baby shower it's just too much.

realmm · 29/06/2024 08:25

Baby shower is about the expectant mother, not about screaming kids or a dress code for guests. And don't get me started on how much noise bouncy castle motor makes!
The whole thing sounds ridiculous.

Maria1979 · 29/06/2024 08:47

Your friend actually wants to organise a party for herself and her children and she wants you to pay for it. The expecting mother surely won't appreciate a bouncy castle!! Your friend sounds entitled and stingy, I would decline to ever be on board with anything she suggests from now on.
Say no, I think it's a bad idea for the bouncy castle, put on your flowery skirt, grab a gift and a cake and enjoy some adult time with the expectant mother. You are NOT being unreasonable, your friend is though!

Secondguess · 29/06/2024 09:05

The organiser is "writing cheques that she can't cash". If she doesn't have the time/ budget etc for her ideas then she should be honest and ask for a co-organiser to step up, or change her ideas. She sounds the type to offload work to others then depending on how the day turns out, complain that all the issues were because "oh Susan decided to do that/ Susan decided she wanted to arrange that part/ I'd have done it differently but she insisted... "

As an aside, you don't have to attend. You can suggest meeting up with your pregnant friend another time. Or explain to the organiser now that you won't be able to help organise it and don't agree with the bouncy castle so won't pay towards it.

UncleBryn · 29/06/2024 09:24

SheilaFentiman · 27/06/2024 23:23

She still suggested i pay for the bouncy castle anyway lol as its “my fault for pulling out so others will have to cough up more“

she is batshit!

How can you be pulling out of something you never agreed to in the first place?! Sounds like a nightmare, and I bet everyone else feels the same, can you not speak to one of the other attendees for their thoughts?

hoggyhedge · 29/06/2024 10:04

baby showers are bullshit

shes getting carried away and it’s over the top

KarenSmithsWeatherBoobs · 29/06/2024 10:12

As PP have said, tell her your kids wont be there to use the bouncy castle, so you will not be contributing.

Personally my view is that the cost should be split solely between those whose kids will be there and using. I bet they then sack off that ridiculous idea.

Somebody telling me I had to wear a floral maxi dress would ensure I turned up in leggings and a massive t-shirt.

This woman sounds insufferable. I would probably not attend the baby shower at all and instead take the expectant mum out for a cream tea or something - possibly with a few others if they also aren't going to enjoy batshit's event and would prefer an alternative.

pandasorous · 29/06/2024 10:38

MumOf2Here · 28/06/2024 07:58

Exactly this. kids are off school. She was the one who suggested it be a “no child” event. I told her if she wants the bouncy castle and wants kids there now fine, but my children wont be coming (my youngest is wild and I wont be able to sit for a moment) xx

Show quote history

OP, with CFs of this level, you just have to be harsh.
I would msg something along the lines of
"Dear x, it's nice of you to organise babyshower for y. since our last discussion a family situation has come up which means sadly I will not be able to attend the event. n regards to the bouncy castle, I did not agree to pay for it. If you/others wish to have a bouncy castle - that's lovely. But I will not pay for something that was not discussed with me and that I did not agree to. Many thanks."

MelodyFinch · 29/06/2024 13:30

Aren’t the children a bit young for a bouncy castle anyway? They would need close supervision.

Trishthedish · 29/06/2024 14:32

MumOf2Here · 27/06/2024 00:03

I did actually say to leave it as child-free but she said as it’s the holidays she won’t have anywhere to leave her kids!

CF she can’t get childcare, so you need to pay to entertain her kids. That’s a no from me.

Viscoelasticity · 29/06/2024 15:01

”Hi friend, sorry but I don't have money to contribute to bouncy castle, I wish you had checked before ordering as I would have mentioned it earlier. Sorry to miss it, have a lovely time”.

willowtolive · 29/06/2024 15:16

😂 and 🙄 at the dress code alone. Tell her to bugger off

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 29/06/2024 22:09

Just refuse to pay. It is ridiculous amount of money and you will be funding others parents children entertainment, since you are not bringing yours. They parents who are bringing the children should pay, if they want the bouncy castle. Baby showers are about the mother-to-be and her friends. Adding children to the event will make the occasion very estressful with parents having to supervise their children. Personally, i will be looking already for a excuse to sit that out. It seems that you will not enjoy it. Someone may get ill at the last minute!? Tummy bugs, fever? Send the present to the mother-to-be later!

TheNavyDeer · 29/06/2024 22:16

MumOf2Here · 26/06/2024 23:27

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

Gender reveals, baby showers, maternity gifts - where does it end? It just used to be a present for a friend’s birthday. Honestly, it’s got pretty ridiculous

Viviennemary · 29/06/2024 22:43

Don't bother going. This idiot person who is meant to be arranging things messed it up. Let her pay for thd bouncy castle

BirthdayRainbow · 29/06/2024 22:50

All this you wish you had a back bone and lol at yourself for things is silly. It's like you don't realise you have autonomy. You're not a child and she's not your mum. Just say no. This is all crackers.

Welshmonster · 29/06/2024 22:55

If the person doing the inviting can’t afford it then they need to scale back their ideas.

unless it’s an adult bouncy castle then say no.

don’t cook special food. Bring some shop bought sausage rolls and a cake.

SiobhanSharpe · 29/06/2024 23:02

MumOf2Here · 27/06/2024 00:03

I did actually say to leave it as child-free but she said as it’s the holidays she won’t have anywhere to leave her kids!

So there you have it. What a hypocrite.
Give it a swerve, OP. It sounds expensive - a gift, food to be donated and 40 quid for a bouncy castle. Say £70 for that, then you’ll have to buy a floral maxi dress you’ll never wear again and you’re looking at £100 + for a sodding baby shower.

mumda · 29/06/2024 23:08

I've just offered you a job interview for your dream job the exact time of her baby shit shower.

You won't get it but you'll have a good excuse to not go.