Refuse to chip in

[MumOf2Here]

I have a friend who is pregnant and due her baby in 2 months. A few weeks ago, another friend (who im not particularly close with) said she really wants to throw a baby shower for her and told me it will be a “no child baby shower” so its not too loud and hectic. I told her that was fine and will make childcare arrangements in advance. Fast forward 3 weeks later, she’s messaged me a template of the invite and is suggesting we all “chip in” for a bouncy castle. I was abit surprised and reminded her you said no children? She then said she changed her mind because another friend who has a 2 year old and a 1 year old have to come so for entertainment she will get a bouncy castle and will allow children to now come.
She is also asking me what she should do for food and who would be willing to
cook a dish??
AIBU to reject her demands as the whole idea was hers, from the time, date, location, dress code and now suddenly i have to pay £40 towards a bouncy castle and now think
about what to cook for her? ontop of buying a gift for friend.
Why would I fund the entertainment?

My boyfriend said im overthinking it and to just do it - Is this normal
though?

I'd say I'm not bringing kids so won't be contributing to castle. I'd take a dish. I'd say I'm too busy to source (and presumably pay for) decorations.

Does your friend know about baby shower? I'd make a point of saying how kind it was of other friend to organise and you are looking forward to coming. (In case friend tells her you were supposed to be helping)

I am still of the view the bouncy castle is such a bad idea, can't you tell her that? Not due to cost but just it's a high supervision activity, the poor mum who will be mithered by her kids and won't get a chance to sit down at all

So the focus is now on someone else's kids not the expectant mother... yanbu to decline the invitation. Send your own gift to the new parents and forget about the whole thing

Yeah iv told her its pointless getting a bouncy castle, as the age gap between some of the children is quite big and its dangerous for the younger kids. This also means parents will have to stand and supervise their kids which is why i am
not bringing mine. xx

Exactly this. kids are off school. She was the one who suggested it be a “no child” event. I told her if she wants the bouncy castle and wants kids there now fine, but my children wont be coming (my youngest is wild and I wont be able to sit for a moment) xx

Only at gunpoint would I emerge in public wearing a floral maxidress. I suggest you explain it's really not working for you - you're not marinading and cooking for days, you're not paying for a bouncy castle for other people's children and you're not getting decorating items for her. This does not sound like the sort of event I'd participate in. Still I think baby showers are a silly Americanism and I favour a nice gift when baby has actually been born.

I think some people think money grows on trees. Adding on all these extras above what was originally agreed is ridiculous, and as for a dress code? What’s that all about, for goodness sake? I would be bowing out completely, to be honest, and just buy my friend a gift nearer the birth.

Just pull out. I wouldn’t be dictated to like this. Who the hell do people think they are? However, I would send a gift to the pregnant friend apologising for not being able to make it to the baby shower.

Christ as if baby showers weren't bad enough, a dress code??? A fancy, floral maxi.....really?! Have people lost their minds? Telling others what to wear to a social gathering?

Post a gift to your friend & skip this ridiculous event.

She's turning it in to a kids party rather than a baby shower

The whole event sounds awful.

And I hate people dictating my outfit. FO with a maxi floral.

Sounds appalling. I'd give it a bodyswerve and give my friend a present for the baby seperately

these people walk amongst us.. WTAF like?

Good point, I think children have to be 3+ for a bouncy castle, so perhaps could tell her not suitable for 1&2 y.o.
Maybe she could have a playmat down with some age appropriate toys and board books down ... ?

Say to her , sorry I’m not paying for the bouncy castle as I’m not talking my child so why would I pay ? I already paid my babysitter so it’s already over the budget , cheeky bastard she is changing plans !

How much is she paying for this bouncy castle? They cost £80 a day round here.

You are doing the right thing by giving her the swerve. I'd be happy to bring a dish of something but spending £40 to entertain other people's children? No thank you!

Nah. I've been to a few baby showers and am not against them but they've generally been a trip to a restaurant we'd all go to anyway and we just pay for our own food and get a little outfit or two.

This is the organiser getting massively carried away but wanting everyone else to pay

Yeah, our local hires a huge range of bouncy castles out for £70 each, so I agree that it shouldn't cost £40 per guest just for the castle. Otherwise she's getting you to pay half. And then asking you for food and decorations on top of that. Where is she holding the party? Has she hired a venue or doing it at her own house? She could be trying to get everyone to pay towards the venue too perhaps.
TBH when I throw a party, I don't charge my guests, I try to organise it all myself, and usually fail at it, embarassingly, but I'm just happy for people to turn up, so wouldn't dream of charging them to pay for the event. IMO it feels rude to ask guests to pay for a party that I decided to organise.

My friend had a very small baby shower at her house, and we just gave her presents for the baby.
At my baby shower, I invited my family and friends over, and we played 'Guess the baby's gender' , Guess the baby's name', had got my friends to send me their baby photos beforehand, and also slipped in a couple of celebrity baby photos that I'd found online, and got my guests to guess whose baby photo was whose, and then for nostagia's sake, a game of pass the parcel to music from the 90's. LOL
And food was just shop bought little cakes and snacks, such as bakewell slices, choc mini rolls, bowls of crisps and cups of tea / juice or whatever they preferred to drink.

Yeah, perhaps going to a restaurant would be nice. Then wouldn't need to cook, decorate nor hire a bouncy castle, and the small children could sit in highchairs and eat with the adults, while the adults chat, etc.
xx

It’s not easy trying to plan things that please everyone. Especially when you don’t have much experience with this sort of thing. It’s easy for guests to roll their eyes at some of decision making but I’d rather live in a world when people planned imperfect events for their friends rather than do nothing to avoid criticism.

Also - retrieving a wailing child from a bouncy castle dressed in a floral maxi is a level of Hell that even Dante didn’t imagine.

I love the juxtaposition of Dante and bouncy castles 🤣🤣🤣

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.abc.net.au/article/103619986

Tell her jumping castles are dangerous, this happened in my home town Tasmania, Australia. It's still going through the courts now with an inquest.

Tell her you can't afford to pay for the bouncy castle as you've got to pay for childcare costs as you had been told it was child free!