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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stalk a stranger in A&E

602 replies

TheRozzers · 26/06/2024 22:13

Witnessed a nasty accident today. An elderly lady had a fall in the street and was bleeding badly. I was coming back from the gym and had a towel with me so used it to help stem the bleeding and stayed with her until the paramedics arrived. Others helped too.

We were talking to her and trying to reassure her as she was very distressed and in a lot of pain. I'm pretty sure she's broken a bone.

I asked if there was anyone we could call. Partner, children, friends. She said she had nobody.

I can't stop wondering how she is, she's probably in the hospital A&E corridor and will be for the next week knowing the state of the NHS.

I have tried to call the hospital to enquire after her but no answer.

Would it be really weird and stalker like to go to the hospital and check up on her? Maybe take her something to eat and drink? I know her full name and date of birth so assume I could track her down?

Or would that be an invasion of her privacy?

It's also quite late now.

OP posts:
NotAgainWilson · 27/06/2024 22:24

That’s lovely. I thought she would still be waiting in A&E unfortunately… but fortunately as well. If she had been moved to a ward the people at the hospital would not have been allowed to tell you anything about her. So glad you could see her and you both have made a new friend.

Years ago I found myself in a similar situation, helping an elderly man after a proper knock on the head after a fall. I and a couple of Japanese girls ran to help and stayed with him until the ambulance came but I found it disgusting to see how many
people just walked by him without trying to help. This “respect of privacy” also known as “not my place” in a moment of need it is not a sign of discretion, just a sign of utter selfishness and not giving a fuck about people around us.

IsawwhatIsaw · 27/06/2024 22:26

that was a really kind and thoughtful gesture on your part.

sassyduck · 27/06/2024 22:27

You really are lovely. That lady must have been so pleased to see you.

35965a · 27/06/2024 22:27

OP you little gem 💎

Original poster
TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 22:27

Pearl97 · 27/06/2024 22:16

Omg at first I thought you wanted your towel back. This thread has really made my day. The world needs more people like you @TheRozzers

This made me lol. No sign of the towel that was actually DPs fancy gym one 🤷‍♀️

Luckily I have an understanding DP.

OP posts:
Newmum738 · 27/06/2024 22:29

I would go and find out how she is. I'm sure she would appreciate that.

MissingKitty · 27/06/2024 22:30

Newmum738 · 27/06/2024 22:29

I would go and find out how she is. I'm sure she would appreciate that.

Read the updates

CuteCillian · 27/06/2024 22:31

Ahhhh TheRozzers You are one of the good guys.
Thanks for reminding me of human kindness.

LadyChilli · 27/06/2024 22:32

I was going to say not weird and glad to see it played out that way. Thank you for doing this.

Sparticusoctopus · 27/06/2024 22:32

NotAgainWilson · 27/06/2024 22:24

That’s lovely. I thought she would still be waiting in A&E unfortunately… but fortunately as well. If she had been moved to a ward the people at the hospital would not have been allowed to tell you anything about her. So glad you could see her and you both have made a new friend.

Years ago I found myself in a similar situation, helping an elderly man after a proper knock on the head after a fall. I and a couple of Japanese girls ran to help and stayed with him until the ambulance came but I found it disgusting to see how many
people just walked by him without trying to help. This “respect of privacy” also known as “not my place” in a moment of need it is not a sign of discretion, just a sign of utter selfishness and not giving a fuck about people around us.

If I’d have seen it and there were three people already sorting it I’d have walked by too. I hate it when a crowd gathers and just watches. If it were me on the floor I’d be super embarrassed. If you looked like you were there and not handling it, I’d ask if you need help but only if it looks like you needed it, rather than give you more to do in answering my question. Obviously I’d stop and help if it was just one or two people or no one.

Ap42 · 27/06/2024 22:34

Sookafatwan · 27/06/2024 21:19

The point being this lady has no idea what ward the lady is on so would have to enquire. And doors are locked to the wards arent they? So people have to observe visiting hours and cant just wander round at will.

Show quote history

It's generally children's wards that are locked. Ours are only locked at night. Our visiting hours are from 7am to 8pm at night. So actually yes we do generally have visitors wondering around at will. Unless we have a specific safeguarding concern, if a visitor knew a patients name we would let them know they are on the ward. We generally wouldn't assume the worst or be suspicious of a visitor wanting to see a patient. Of course we wouldn't divulge any confidential information.

Alltheyearround · 27/06/2024 22:35

Hope she's soon out of A and E.

Well done OP. And you have a new friend. One of the best things in life.

saraclara · 27/06/2024 22:36

Over 24 hours in A&E at nearly 80, and with no family or friends to support her.

There must be so many people like her. It's just awful. Thank you for doing that you did.

Ap42 · 27/06/2024 22:36

TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

Love a happy ending. How wonderful.

Datafan55 · 27/06/2024 22:36

That's wonderful.

PANTS! Change of underwear, tshirt, socks - anything like that if you can.

mommatoone · 27/06/2024 22:36

What a lovely thread OP. Nice to see there are still some genuine people in this world.

Datafan55 · 27/06/2024 22:36

Red Cross can help at home for a short period.

Crazycatlady202020 · 27/06/2024 22:37

That's so kind of you, OP 😊

lizzielizard · 27/06/2024 22:39

This is just what we all need to read, particularly in these toxic political days. Late to this thread but I've wallowed my way through it. Thanks for being a good egg OP. if I had a cap, I'd doff it to you.

saraclara · 27/06/2024 22:39

NotAgainWilson · 27/06/2024 22:24

That’s lovely. I thought she would still be waiting in A&E unfortunately… but fortunately as well. If she had been moved to a ward the people at the hospital would not have been allowed to tell you anything about her. So glad you could see her and you both have made a new friend.

Years ago I found myself in a similar situation, helping an elderly man after a proper knock on the head after a fall. I and a couple of Japanese girls ran to help and stayed with him until the ambulance came but I found it disgusting to see how many
people just walked by him without trying to help. This “respect of privacy” also known as “not my place” in a moment of need it is not a sign of discretion, just a sign of utter selfishness and not giving a fuck about people around us.

If he was already being attended to buy several people, unless I was medically qualified or had advanced first aid knowledge, I'd walk past too. The last thing an injured person wants is a crowd of people gawping.

browneyes77 · 27/06/2024 22:41

TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

This is a wonderful update!

I’m so glad you didn’t listen to the negative nancies on here and went to try and see her. Sounds like you really made her day.

What a lovely person you are 💐💐

Pinkrinse · 27/06/2024 22:44

TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

I broke mr arm in November and still can’t do up a normal bra. Amazon do some very good front fastening bras!

Runnerinthenight · 27/06/2024 22:45

Elderly friends are amazing!! I had three in my teens - two sisters and a brother. The eldest sister lived to just shy of 100. They lived in a house with literally a clay floor, and no modern amenities, apart from a phone! They made tea so strong you could stand in it lol. The 'girls' slept in the living room and their brother had the only bedroom. I loved all of their stories and I am only sorry that I can't remember them now.

My whole family, bar my dad, had a horrible flu when I was a young child. The younger sister was in her 70s then, and she just swooped in and took over, cooking food, washing nappies etc (she had never married or had a child). She was amazing! She rode a bike everywhere, apart from on a Sunday where she left her bike in our garage and another neighbour gave her a lift to Mass.

I also had a work friend - she was our tealady/cleaner - and she gave me such good advice after my mother died when my children were young. I must contact her!

I'm so glad you went to see her!!

RosePippi · 27/06/2024 22:53

TheRozzers · 27/06/2024 21:33

Just left the hospital. So glad I went.

The poor woman is still in A&E and it's like a war zone. I didn't realise the doctors were on strike this week.

There was no difficulty finding her and she seemed very pleased to have a visitor. She's a talker! I was there almost 2 hours and got her life history Grin

She's got a brilliant sense of humour and is sharp as anything, especially as she's got some nasty injuries and is almost 80.

I've arranged to go back tomorrow and bring her a pillow (no pillows in A&E). I also said I'd help her look at options for getting care at home. She's mainly worried she won't be able to put a bra on with her injuries.

Despite the circumstances she seemed pretty cheerful and we had a good giggle.

She was very pleased with the bits and offered to pay me for the things (obviously I refused).

All in all a successful trip.

This is beautiful. Please keep updating the thread, would love to find out how she gets on.

Pantaloons99 · 27/06/2024 22:53

So lovely to read this.

When you're in hospital and don't have anyone to advocate for you,you are often just left. Because they know they can do it to you. If you're vulnerable and elderly it is terrifying. I've seen it so many times and have experienced it myself.