Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

You can't send them a message like that.

As has been said a million times just do what you intended to do all along. Cash in a card on the wedding day is fine.

I'd be annoyed it was so far in advance - as others have said, what if it never goes ahead?

Also, I wish people would just put a box for putting cash in on the day - it's so annoying that you can't give anonymously, money is really tight for some people, some will be spending much more than other guests to travel/stay over, and there's this pressure on all guests to give a decent amount. I've been to several weddings with just a cash postbox, much better.

If they want money gifts up front as donations towards the cost of their wedding that sounds fine and dandy

Unless you phrase it slightly differently - then they want you to give cash to offset the cost of their wedding

I've read that three times now and still can't see a difference?

Anyway, personally I quite simply wouldn't be going unless it was a very dear friend, and that wouldn't apply in any case since none of my friends behave like this

It's so annoying that you can't give anonymously, money is really tight for some people, some will be spending much more than other guests to travel/stay over, and there's this pressure on all guests to give a decent amount

Or in the words of a groom I used to know, "It's better to ask for cash because then people have to give more than they'd have spent on something in a box"

I dunno, I don't think it's that bad.

At least it's honest about it, far better than those naff as fuck poems and suchlike.

Wow that's a new low. If they don't get enough money will they cancel the wedding? Do you get your money back?!

I have no issue with giving money for a wedding gift at all, but asking for it in advance?

Call me Scrooge but I really think we ought to end the custom of wedding gifts for people who have lived together for donkeys years and have fully stocked houses.
The original purpose was to set up a young couple in their first home together, who had come straight from their mum and dad's house. It wasn't to purchase poncy honeymoons for people who can afford to pay for their own, or worse, to pay for the wedding!

Leaving that aside, everyone knows there's a protocol for wedding invitations and gifts. The request for gifts/cash should not be sent out with the invitations. The b&g are supposed to pretend they want your presence rather than your presents. In turn, the guest requests a gift list, so as not to appear tight! The b&g then do the 'if you insist' dance and guests then cough up, on the day! These little investors oil the wheels of social interaction, even though we all know the truth.

I miss manners! I would not be contributing to their wedding fund a year in advance - couples should book the wedding they can afford.

As per PP
If they don't get enough money will they cancel the wedding?

Is there even going to be a wedding if guests don't pony up the cash in advance....

😆

They sound like total CF’s to be honest. Borrow or take out a credit card/loan to pay for the wedding if you can’t afford it and then use any monetary gifts to pay that off….or here’s an idea celebrate in a way you CAN afford!
What you wouldn’t do is ask your own guests to pay for YOUR wedding! Unbelievable.

It wouldn’t bother me as I’d be giving the same money regardless. Maybe they prefer to spent the wedding money on having a nicer day.

I wouldn't hand over cash a year in advance. On the day, yes absolutely. An entire year ahead? Not happening. Its a wedding gift, not a "you're getting married in 12 months" gift. That's bloody cheeky.

This is so tacky and crass!

I have been to a few weddings where no gift is requested, some have asked for cash and some have just said no gifts please. Two asked for money towards a honeymoon. But never in advance that is what is so crass.

When we went to my nephews wedding he requested ‘no gifts but money appreciated’ we had such a great time and were a bit drunk we gave double what we planned.

@ABirdsEyeView ’These little investors oil the wheels of social interaction, even though we all know the truth’ brilliant love that.

I don’t like the whole concept of gift lists and asking for presents or money, unless it’s a child writing to Santa! I know it’s the done thing for weddings though.

It’s definitely cheeky asking for money upfront, I think I’d just give it on the day.

I think asking for money for a honeymoon is pretty gross and crass too. It’s the same thing as funding their wedding, surely?

Very crass! We put nothing with regards to gifts on our invitations, ended up with a mix of cash and vouchers plus some lovely keepsakes, but we had a reasonably low cost wedding that we could afford so anything else was a bonus!

So crass.

I’d point out the obviously ‘typo’ with the date

In some culture, money gifting is the standard. You pay for your seat, but never in advance!

I would decline the invitation and say that my cash flow forecast for the summer doesnt allow advance payments to pay for the wedding. Mention that you budgeted for the wedding in Sept but since they want advance payment due to their own cash flow issues, you simply can't afford it.

All those outraged at being asked for cash instead of gifts, please never befriend anyone from China, or India, or Nigeria (plenty of countries I forgot) because if you ever get invited to a wedding you are in for the cultural shock of your life.

I think it's quite rude, but I would give them cash nonetheless as it's what I usually do.
For those that think it's reasonable, if you were invited to a birthday party, or a christening and asked for money in advance to help pay for it, would that be OK? Or is it just when people are having a wedding party that asking for money is acceptable?

I'm lucky enough to have many Indian friends, Liveafr, though admittedly fewer from the others you mentioned, and it's never been an issue since giving cash as a gift is the accepted cultural norm

Much like it is in the UK now - hence why even mention it when that's what folk will give anyway - and I've never known an Indian B&G to ask for cash, far less in advance

That's awfully crass.

I would say no, if they can't afford the wedding they want at that venue they should not expect guests to pay for it.

Living beyond their means is a bad start to a relationship so it's unlikely to last.

I agree that asking cash so much in advance is tacky, but I was responding to all the people on this board who are shocked at the idea of giving cash rather than a gift.
In India, China, etc.. B&G don't ask for cash because the tradition/cultural norm is to give cash so you don't need to explicitely say so. In Europe and the USA the tradition/cultural norm is to give presents unless explicitely told differently, hence saying it on the invite.
When I got married we explicitely said "we have all the items we need, please don't give any gifts" (worded in a nicer manner, of course) and that's it. We thought we would just put a cash box somewhere but not write anything on the invite as we didn't want people to feel compelled to give us cash if they dodn't want/couldn't afford it. Then I got told off because we should have given clearer instructions for gifts. Plus many people kept asking us what to get us and wouldn't take "nothing" for an answer. We ended up writing on the invite "those who want to give us something, there will be a cash box". I'm sure many people found it crass or tacky.