Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

[FishPhoods]

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

I wouldn't send that.

I just don't think I'd reply at all to do with the demands for money.
I'd reply to the invitation (if you know, this far out, if you can attend), but not mention the money, and then do as I normally would and put the money in the card on the day.

Honestly op, I know your getting a lot of support on this thread and I agree, but I wouldn't text her about it. Your ok to give the cash day of, but I worry the text will make things awkward with a good friend. Easy for people here to scoff when they have no skin in the game.

I always give cash as a gift at weddings. I wouldn't have a problem with being asked to send it before the wedding. Surely it's a gift and what they choose to spend it on is up to them?

Totally tacky. Cringe 😬

Definitely don't say that! It sounds so rude. Just don't say anything and then give them money at the wedding. They're not going to ask, are they?

I wouldn't send that message. It's passive aggressive and you'll be just as rude as your friend. Just say nothing and give money on the day. What are they going to do? Disinvite anyone who hasn't contributed by the deadline?

I agree with pp. Don't send a message.
Do as usual, a money gift on the day. It's a long time ahead, who knows what will happen in the interim.

Very tacky, RSVP to say you will not be attending.

I'm happy to give cash as a wedding gift, but this is insane! Asking for guests to pay, well in advance, for their fancy wedding? No way, they could whistle for the money and I wouldn't be attending the wedding.

Cash gifts, fine. That's all invites I've gotten in the last 15-20 years. But a deposit? That's cheeky.

Don't send tla text. Just give money on the wedding day like normally would.

She might ask. Just remembered I had something similar to this many years ago. A colleague who I became Friendly with asked people for money to pay for the 40th birthday and anniversary party she wanted. The
Way the invitation was worded was the same as this wedding invitation. Cash in advance.

She then sent a follow-up text asking if I got the invitation and reminded me when the deposit needed to be paid by. It probably wentbto everyone. So.
It was very clear. No cash deposit meant no invitation and meant that you weren't coming. I just ignored her.

I was going to text her saying that it was my 30th birthday soon and that I couldn't afford a Party for myself let alone pay for hers but I left it and declined the invitation.

I genuinely wouldn't go because if you re thinking of sending her a text like that it means you're pissed off with her and probably shouldnt go. Just decline the invitation and you possibly won't be the only one who does.

@FishPhoods don't send that text, when they go low, you go high

Exactly, cash/ cheque in an envelope with the card on the day.

Please update this thread in September if you receive another demand for money!!!

Just don't say anything and then give them money at the wedding. They're not going to ask, are they?

Sorry, @B1anche, but with someone this brass necked I'd say there's every chance they'll ask, and until their "deadline" it could well become the entire focus of the planning

We could ask "what can they do if people really don't want to give until the day?" and we'd be right, but I very much doubt that'll stop them sending out reminders, mentioing to those they see that they've not yet had their payment and so on

Wow! I happily give cash- thankful of the ease of it… but good grief… my eyebrows raised into my hairline at this… and that’s with Botox 😂

This is my least favourite solution. I never carry cash and would have no way to keep it safe, if anyone gave me a cash present at any time.

Giving a wedding gift of cash on the day lands someone with the job of looking after cash on a day when they are at best just celebrating and at worst wearing something with no reasonable pickets.

A cash transfer on the day would at least not run any risks of cash going astray, however innocently.

Ooh I'm torn on this. On the one hand it sounds a bit crass.

On the pragmatic side, realistically most of the guests will be happy to give them money in some form (instead of faffing about with multiple toasters). If they don't want a fancy honeymoon, and it suits them to use the money for the wedding itself, I guess this is a pragmatic way of achieving that?

Well at least you can judge the quality of the food you’ve paid for. 😂

Cash as a gift is fine and i would do this on the day.

Cash 9 MONTHS IN ADVANCE
😅😅😅😅😅

No chance.

I have had an invitation like this before. I didn't love it initially, but when I thought about it what's the difference between giving cash on the day or cash a few months before? I didn't allow it to bother me.

That’s what ushers/groomsmen/bridesmaids are for and any decent, even basic, venues hosting weddings have a secure place to store gifts given on the day including cash.

Wonder what happens if the wedding is cancelled but deposits held.
Guests lose their cash ‘gift/deposit’ too.

Very rude the ask for money prior, take it as usual on the day, with your card. The bride and groom should have sold tickets or charged everyone for their own meal. 🤣

If they want money gifts up front as donations towards the cost of their wedding that sounds fine and dandy.

Unless you phrase it slightly differently- then they want you to give cash to offset the cost of their wedding.

The invitation : gift exchange has always been transactional but this takes it to a new level.

I wouldn’t but I’d be tempted to reply…. Having done a financial analysis, it is most cost effective for me not to attend thereby avoiding any allocation to me of funds in your budget for guests and no cost to me financially or in terms of time and thought. I hope your wedding day is financially viable and a fiscal success

It’s a very long extension, they want the cash by September this year, the wedding isn't until next year.

Suppose John Lewis anticipated you spending loads of money with them at Christmas so clawed a couple of hundred pounds off your credit card today.

Would you be happy with that? What if John Lewis went bust between now and Christmas, would you get your money back?