Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to expect my 15 year old son NOT to be wanking in front of MY computer in MY living room in the middle of the day when I walk in the front door with his younger siblings???!

280 replies

BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 16:26

Before you all say it's healthy.. it's normal... I know, I KNOW! But it is NOT healthy or normal to have to wonder now what DD (9) is thinking and how the hell to broach the subject with her!!

Fortunately DS (7) has SN was oblivious but DD at the very least, saw him sat there with his jeans round his ankles! We all did! He didn't even make any move to pull them up, I suppose he would have had to expose himself in the process. He jsut said "sorry.. sorry" and waited for me to leave the room so he could run upstairs!

It would have been much easier to have just daughters I swear. Why the HELL couldn't he go and have a wank on his bed! He KNEW we were due back at some point in the afternoon!

Obviously he is appalled and humiliated but as far as I can see he's brought this on himself. This is not the first time I've caught him red-handed; last time it was late at night on the sofa, whilst watching the "free ads" on the porn channels on the telly. On that occasion I said would you PLEASE not wank in my living room!! And certainly not when we're all walking around upstairs still having only just gone up! I was looking for HIS clothes he'd requested for the morning on that occasion.. like a sucker, while he played with it downstairs!

I have just been and shouted at him (rightly or wrongly; I'm angry, that gibes me a right I feel) that I don't want him to use MY WORK COMPUTER for that, even though it is a family computer in all other respects which is fine. But I really DON'T want that on the hard drive. And why the hell do men HAVE to so recklessly take advantage of the oh-so-freely available visual stuff.. can't they just use their imaginations??! (I shouted that at him too!)

I am shuddering that his bare arse has been on this very chair, and his (topically from a thread last night!) "penisy hands" been all over THIS mouse!

Ugh ugh ugh.

He needs to wank.. fine, but I don't see why I should have to keep catching him doing it!! I don't want it to be any of MY buisness but it seems I keep having to be "involved"! And I am SO cross that his younger siblings who are too young (perhaps thankfully) to know what he was doing, had to see him sat there like that!

Bloody men and boys.

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:46

She's telling you to lighten up because she got upset over Wotsits! The point being, it's allowed! Parents (esp mothers) will get stressed about all sorts of things.. it's okay, it's fine, it happens.. we're NOT abnormal!

Sleep well though

OP posts:
PollyPentapeptide · 09/04/2008 23:48

quite MarsLady, we have both in our house too. I was about to say that it would be a toss up as to whether girls are easier then boys, but perhaps not a wise choice of words

MarsLady · 09/04/2008 23:49

PMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!

purpleduck · 09/04/2008 23:54

I feel bad for the poor boy with no room of his own, presumably no room to stash his OWN porn...?

I'm sure he knows it was inappropriate, but dammit, the boy needed some release.

I don't know about you guys, but when I was [ahem] younger, there were many times when I had sex in inappropriate places: THAT need had overshadowed all others.

Poor guy.

Tis funny tho...

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:56

Ooh ohh Mars! I'm going to be present as my friend's homebirth in Sept! I am so excited! Had to tell you while I saw you, even though this isn't my usual name and even my usual name isn't my proper MN name.

That was random wasn't it

OP posts:
cushioncover · 09/04/2008 23:59

I know, I know. I just think there are soooo many other things to get stressed about especially if your DS is only 2! Maybe teaching sex-ed has made me see it as no big deal.

Def bedtime now!

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:59

Purpleduck a few people have picked up on the "no room of his own" thing, and yes I know he needs one, and he'll have one soon when we move.. but I've been thinking, it's really NOT the most terrible situation ever to not be able to give your children a room each. Lots of people don't ever have houses big enough.

I never had my own room.

Neither did my DH.

Wanking can still be carried out discreetly.

OP posts:
PollyPentapeptide · 10/04/2008 00:02

Night night cushioncover,sleep well (and keep your hands to yourself )

Lauriefairycake · 10/04/2008 00:03

of course it can, in the bathroom, unless you have communal poo stations

Can't believe people have given you a hard time, it's quite clear from your original post that you had asked him not to do this in the living room while using your computer, when people could walk in.

Quite clear.

Can't believe people are thinking you are trying to thwart his sexuality.

He's old enough to know there's a time and a place. Behaviour issue, not a sexual issue, end of.

purpleduck · 10/04/2008 00:49

I wasn't getting all judgy

I was just remembering those days when sexual energy squashes any sort of rational thought.

He was obviously not thinking properly (with his "right" head .
The point I was making is that most people at some time in their lives have taken a risk, just most of us haven't been caught....

MarsLady · 10/04/2008 00:54

BH.. let me know if you need any tips! About the homebirth not the porn! lol It's rather exciting isn't it? Again... the homebirth!

twentypence · 10/04/2008 01:12

Why did the pants have to be around his ankles? Doesn't he have a fly in his pants?

Meandmyjoe · 10/04/2008 07:41

I really wouldn't mind if I caught ds wanking to be honest. Although I would be freaked out by it now as he's only 8 months old lol. I'm really not bothered by stuff like that. People were always walking in on me when I was younger but I guess it's easier for girls to disguise it !!

I understand you don't want him using your works computer for that though so I would probably have a word about that but at this age, they don't think whether the situation or the timing is right or wrong, they just have to do it there and then. Surely I'm not the only one who has been a teenager right?!

He must be mortified though, I bet he feels a right filthy twat. I feel quite sorry for him! It's an awful situation!

I really wouldn't care about him doing it on the sofa though, I'd probably just have excused my self and left him to it.

soontobealone · 10/04/2008 07:51

obviously the laptops no good - by definition it would get in the way as he's using his "lap" for something else!!!

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 07:54

Bloodyhell, I think that you have coped with this very well and I am frankly that there are posters who are seriously worried that shouting at a 15 year old for wanking in the living room will adversely affect his sexuality.

My memory of being 15 is that you could hardly squash a teenagers sexuality with a steam roller.

Presumably even a 'George, don't do that' would be seen as too woundingly biting a retort by some.

All he needs to do is realise that there is a time and a place for such things, and at 15 you have a right to expect this of him, and he as a right to expect to be told off if he fucks up.

and LOL at the 'poor wee lamb, he doesn't have his own bedroom' comments. Yes, because he shares a room with a sibling, and feels the lack of privacy it would naturally drive him to wank in the living room! He's going to feel far more secure in the 'privacy' of the living room!

He's not a monster, and neither are you. He has the right to pull his pud, you have the right not to walk in on it.

flossish · 10/04/2008 07:55

I do feel a little sorry for him too! He hasn't got many private places to go.

Of course he should have had more consideration and more thought for others. There is no way he should have been doing that, at that time in that place.

I think its hard to tell from the OP how much was actually said to him and how much was just furious thought. Obviously OP is very angry but it just seems a little too vehmenant.

unknownrebelbang · 10/04/2008 08:01

This thread is hilarious for all sorts of reasons.

I shudder just at the thought that I've got a teenager (and two pre-teens). How did that happen??

I know these things happen, it's perfectly normal / natural blah blah blah, but I don't need to see the evidence, any more than I need to think about my parents having sex, god forbid.

elesbells · 10/04/2008 08:03

'He's not a monster, and neither are you. He has the right to pull his pud, you have the right not to walk in on it.'

Pmsl

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 08:07

I find it astonishing that we cannot tell teenagers off for masturbating in a public space.

Really, my parents would think this thread utterly insane. Do we really think that teenagers are such tender little flowers that they cannot be told off for anything? Whatever next?

No-one has an issue (no pun intended) about what he did, just where and when he did it.

kittywise · 10/04/2008 08:17

I think it was the fact the the op said this to him that I found very unnecessary "And why the hell do men HAVE to so recklessly take advantage of the oh-so-freely available visual stuff.. can't they just use their imaginations??! (I shouted that at him too!)".

Why on earth did she have to say that? Be angry, let him know it's inappropriate etc, but don't rant at him about using porn

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 08:24

I think that as she said in a later post she was venting on line, and didn't say those things to him.

She's just seen him with his nekkid arse on her sofa, wanking at her computer.

I think that we can cut her a leedle slack, no? Or do only teenagers get consideration nowadays?

kittywise · 10/04/2008 08:25

Mb, I realise that much of it was a diatribe in her head, but she did say that she shouted at him about men using porn.

Blandmum · 10/04/2008 08:26

I wouldn't be happy at porn in my living room either

morningpaper · 10/04/2008 08:40

lol @ OP and penisy hands

I would place a large framed picture of myself above the computer to put him off all future internet-based activity

Elasticwoman · 10/04/2008 08:43

YANBU. I would exclude him from using the computer for a specified amount of time. If he has homework to do, he can use a computer at school or the public library.

What he did was technically an offence in front of a 9 year old girl, and that's what I would be particularly angry about. He needs to know why it's unacceptable to perform any sexual act in public esp in front of children.

I would also give him more chores to do on the grounds that he clearly has too much time on his hands. And get him to make it up to his sister by doing something for her, eg helping with her homework or reading to her.