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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to expect my 15 year old son NOT to be wanking in front of MY computer in MY living room in the middle of the day when I walk in the front door with his younger siblings???!

280 replies

BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 16:26

Before you all say it's healthy.. it's normal... I know, I KNOW! But it is NOT healthy or normal to have to wonder now what DD (9) is thinking and how the hell to broach the subject with her!!

Fortunately DS (7) has SN was oblivious but DD at the very least, saw him sat there with his jeans round his ankles! We all did! He didn't even make any move to pull them up, I suppose he would have had to expose himself in the process. He jsut said "sorry.. sorry" and waited for me to leave the room so he could run upstairs!

It would have been much easier to have just daughters I swear. Why the HELL couldn't he go and have a wank on his bed! He KNEW we were due back at some point in the afternoon!

Obviously he is appalled and humiliated but as far as I can see he's brought this on himself. This is not the first time I've caught him red-handed; last time it was late at night on the sofa, whilst watching the "free ads" on the porn channels on the telly. On that occasion I said would you PLEASE not wank in my living room!! And certainly not when we're all walking around upstairs still having only just gone up! I was looking for HIS clothes he'd requested for the morning on that occasion.. like a sucker, while he played with it downstairs!

I have just been and shouted at him (rightly or wrongly; I'm angry, that gibes me a right I feel) that I don't want him to use MY WORK COMPUTER for that, even though it is a family computer in all other respects which is fine. But I really DON'T want that on the hard drive. And why the hell do men HAVE to so recklessly take advantage of the oh-so-freely available visual stuff.. can't they just use their imaginations??! (I shouted that at him too!)

I am shuddering that his bare arse has been on this very chair, and his (topically from a thread last night!) "penisy hands" been all over THIS mouse!

Ugh ugh ugh.

He needs to wank.. fine, but I don't see why I should have to keep catching him doing it!! I don't want it to be any of MY buisness but it seems I keep having to be "involved"! And I am SO cross that his younger siblings who are too young (perhaps thankfully) to know what he was doing, had to see him sat there like that!

Bloody men and boys.

OP posts:
RTKangaMummy · 09/04/2008 23:09
Smile
Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:11

Thank you Emkana - I did smile at the suggestion of emotional scarring! He was obviously was so far from scarred by the experience the last time I caught him with his pants down (hopping out into the downstairs loo denying it all the way, while "ladies" wearing fishnets and licking telephone receivers cavorted on the tv screen) that he risked it again! (He knew we'd be home mid pm.. agree with the poster that said the lure of naked Jessica Alba and a hard on over rode all common sense!)

OP posts:
MissPaulaYates · 09/04/2008 23:11

bloodyhell

you poor thing

ds is 15 and we have had the odd issue so far - not nice. i was soo revolted and horrified i did not react the way i had maybe hoped . dp similarly

it is unacceptable for your ds to do that when he could be found

i would probably have reacted like you - and 'no' since being toddlers our dcs have not walked in on us - we lock the door

MissPaulaYates · 09/04/2008 23:14

bloodyhell just keep schtum - wait a good ten years on here and watch this space - we all think we will be hugely free and easy liberal 'teenage parents' when we have toddlers - reality changes idealism

cushioncover · 09/04/2008 23:16

BH, I do think it's sad when mothers post that they are looking at their sons and shuddering at the very thought.

I never said that I thought you were unreasonable to be pissed off. His behaviour was unacceptable. If you read my posts you'll see that I was commenting on the number of posters who were saying, do this to him and say that to him, that'll teach him. I didn't agree that was the way to go.

FWIW, parenting oversights are plentiful here! Last week DS was complaining he was hungry at 3pm. I told him to wait for tea then realised I'd forgotten to do lunch! It was a very strange day for lots of reasons but still!

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:19

Thing is Cushioncover, it's ok" to look at your innocent baby and have a moment of dread over the teenage years.. it's fine and normal.. it's allowed^! It doesn't mean we don't want our children to grow up and have healthy sex lives, or that we are sexually repressed, or have issues that we are going to pass on to them! That's ridiculous!

OP posts:
PollyPentapeptide · 09/04/2008 23:21

BH, you have handled it all brilliantly to be honest.I'mnot surprised that you ae cross over his poor timing but hopefully he willnow have learnt his lesson and will choose somewhere more private next time.

Don't worry about some of the posts on this thread. Some people like to have a good laugh and some people like to be prissy. That's mumsnet!

cushioncover · 09/04/2008 23:23

Dread at them staying out all night, lying in the gutter stoned and/or drunk or getting hurt. No way, not ever, dread at them masturbating.

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:26

Stop being "prissy" cushioncover and making other mothers feel bad over nothing. There are "degrees" of momentary horror surely. And people are allowed to differ.. and fall short of your standards.

OP posts:
cushioncover · 09/04/2008 23:27

My point from my original post was that of course YANBU to expect him to be discreet. There just seemed to be unnecessary horror and 'shuddering' at the very fact he masturbated. My issue was with all the 'yuck, I have all this to come' posts and the 'thank goodness I have DDs' posts.

MissPaulaYates · 09/04/2008 23:27

bloody hell dp and i think you did fine

its natural to shudder a wee bit at your 15 year old sexual activity

same way he shudders at his parents!

i am pg so ds knows we do it !!! we do lock doors though !

Elephantsbreath · 09/04/2008 23:30

golly this thread just keeps going. Personally, I have spent most of the evening considering the phrase 'penisy hands.'

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:30

Ok cushion, but the majority of us reserve the right to have a little shudder (when we feel the urge) over things you think are ridiculous if that's ok.

A little shudder will NOT damage our childen's future sex lives I'm sure.

Paula, quite

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:31

Not my phrase Elephant, there was a whole thread last night over a poster's concern that her "hands smelt penisy" for no valid reason.

Was later put down to the Sanex handwash I beleive

OP posts:
emkana · 09/04/2008 23:32

I really don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to know the exact ins and outs of your children's sex lives, be it the solitary or the interactive kind. You can still be happy for them that they have a healthy happy active sex life without wanting to think too much about it.

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 09/04/2008 23:32

Get him his own laptop and a big box of kleenex.

Original poster
BloodyHell · 09/04/2008 23:34

He has a lap top actually. He "can't be arsed with it" apparently.

Perhaps it will appeal to him more now

OP posts:
cushioncover · 09/04/2008 23:34

I'm not at all prissy. But I guess we have to agree to disagree on this. I have already said I did not think YWBU over the circumstances but everyone is free to express their opinion as we all have done.

I,personally find it completely incomprehensible that some parents (not directed at you) find this distasteful. But then I gave both my kids dummies and I use reins which other mums view with equal distaste so each to their own.

Elephantsbreath · 09/04/2008 23:35

well there's an advertising opportunity for them

PollyPentapeptide · 09/04/2008 23:38

Oh lighten up cushion cover

When mine were my babies I 'shuddered' at the thought of the terrible two's and then I 'shuddered' at the thought of potty training and then 'dreaded' them starting school etc etc etc etc (you get the picture, right?).

that doesn't mean of course that when the time came, that I didn't handle all of these scenarios to the best of my ability because I did. It just means that I had to take a lot of deep breaths and adjust to each new parenting experience as it came along.

I used to get upset that my new precious babies would one day grow up and eat a packet of cheesy wotsits, the thought that they might be masturbating at the same time just didnt bear thinking about.

MissPaulaYates · 09/04/2008 23:41

lol polly - great name btw

cushioncover · 09/04/2008 23:41

You got upset about wotsits and you're telling me to lighten up?

Time for my bed, I think!

PollyPentapeptide · 09/04/2008 23:44

It was the thought of those little rosebud lips covered in orange wotsit powder. It just did me in

MarsLady · 09/04/2008 23:45

Of course I'm sure you all realise that girls also masturbate and whilst it might not be at the family computer they may find their porn in other ways

So for those who are grateful that they have girls.... are you really? lol

(Fret not readers I have both and have experienced both... sigh...........)

MarsLady · 09/04/2008 23:46

By BloodyHell on Wed 09-Apr-08 23:34:09
He has a lap top actually. He "can't be arsed with it" apparently.

Now that made me laugh inappropriately! snurk!!!!!!!!!!