To think this nurse shouldn't have laughed / scoffed at me for asking for a room?

[supertrainers]

Last night at 3 am I had to take my DD to a and e as she was struggling with her breathing.

Unfortunately this coincided with me having been up all night already vomiting. Second night in a row. It's not a stomach bug, before anyone says I shouldn't have taken my child to the hospital.

I was feeling absolutely rotten. Two nights of no sleep, worry for my DD. Pain, nausea. Everything.

I'm familiar with the hospital as I have found myself many times in there with one of my children in the middle of the night.

Most of the time, we get offered a room, once we've been triaged. Not always, but more often than not. The room has a bed in it and we just stay in there and the doctors come in and out.

I said to the triage nurse last night that I was also feeling extremely unwell and are there any rooms we could possibly wait in. I said I'm sorry for asking and I wouldn't ask unless I really needed to.

She did a scoff / laugh at me for even asking. 9 times out of 10 we have a room and you scoff at me ? I was taken aback by it and in my horrible state for her to just laugh / scoff at me was super rude. I told her, I understand but I really don't appreciate you laughing at me for even asking. I'm really unwell and I wouldn't ask you. It's not very nice that you laughed.

She denied laughing at me. I left it at that and went and sat on the plastic chairs for 6 hours.

Where I live there's 3 broadly equidistant A&Es and they are all heaving 24h a day. There might be some golden hour but we've never managed to luck out and find it in our extensive visits.

6 hours would be kind of normal unless you were basically dying right then and there

How should we not accept this? By leaving the ED?

Tbh it sound very entitled to expect a room when you go to a&e!
And you knowing you got it 9/10 times shows really high number of visits to emergency service!
No wonder nhs is struggling

I spent two full days in A&E last week (two different unwell family members, both of whom I am responsible for. I saw three people actually collapse, one having a seizure, one a heart attack and one just unconscious, I don't know what was wrong with her. There was a queue to get into the queue for booking in, with its own packed holding area full of angry people not understanding why they couldn't book in. People sobbing, vomiting, sleeping on the floor. Steady stream of police bringing in obviously acutely mentally ill youngsters who then had to be left in the waiting area - police couldn't just sit there for 14h+ - so wandering around upsetting people and becoming more distressed themselves. Elderly people parked in corners with no attention, some crying because they were in pain and didn't know where they were. One old man wet himself and other patients helped clean it up with tissues. It was absolute fucking bedlam.

Every single staff member we saw was utterly professional, thorough, reassuring and kind. Including the receptionist who was just facing a torrent of frustration and despair from wave after wave of patients who had already been queuing for hours before they got to him. I know there are bad apples, I've come across plenty - but not on these two days. I don't know how they go into that hellscape and do their best, day after day. Nobody goes into healthcare because they want to fail their patients and leave people suffering, but there aren't anywhere near enough of them, so firefighting is the best they can do.

But you (an adult) asked for a room in Children's A&E because you (not the patient) were feeling unwell.

Regardless of what had happened before, you (non patient adult) were not the priority. Every single sick child in the department was.

Tbh, the way you state that you asked for it made it appear that you wanted the room for yourself, because you were sick... and in paeds A&E that absolutely would come across very badly.

I assume every other time you've asked for a room it was because your CHILD (the patient) was sick.

When I read how you asked I scoffed a little - because you did come across as entitled because you asked for yourself and not your child.

If your child wasn't sick enough to need a room (which I assume they previously have been) it would have been very wrong to tie up a room for you, thus preventing any other very sick child using it.

YABU. My dad was brought in to A&E following a big seizure, told he had a brain tumour and then told to wit back in the waiting room which was full of people. He was paralysed from the seizure and was sat in a wheelchair for 13 hours. I know because I sat with him on one of those hard plastic chairs. You are acting incredibly spoilt - yes you feel unwell but those rooms are obviously full of people who actually need them.

It’s not a hotel. It’s laughable to think it is.

🙄

I don't think anyone seriously questions that this nurse laughed, but there is a legitimate question as to whether she was laughing at you or laughing at the situation. It's also questionable whether you were accurate in interpreting what might have been a rueful laugh about conditions in A&E that night as scoffing at you.

But if you are right, I would still cut a lot of slack because you just don't know what has gone before. You don't know whether, for instance, she's been having to work overtime due to being short staffed, and whether she's spent the night dealing with crisis after crisis. If you've been dealing with a succession of very ill or very badly injured children, possibly even dying children, with lots of demanding doctors, relatives, waiting patients etc, it may well be that you can't restrain an almost hysterical laugh at yet another person making demands of you. It's not great conduct, but it's not worth your while getting worked up about it.

she was probably shocked at your audacity

Im sorry if this is wrong but im a teacher and there are some parents who come and speak to me all the time. I try to be endlessly patient but sometimes I might smile if something seemed a bit ridiculous in an exasperated way.

Is it possible you’re in a lot so it’s a similar situation?

Have you ever hear the term " a wry laugh"? May I respectfully suggest that this may have been what it was?

Some children have complex medical conditions. DD11 has a congenital heart defect and there was a point in her life where the longest we went without a trip to A&E was 11 days. There were times where she'd be discharged, and she would have another episode and be back in within 24 hours. The instructions we were given by her consultant was to go to A&E for obs and treatment if needed, whenever she had an episode of symptoms.

In the 2.5 months between DDs two open heart surgeries we ended up in A&E at least 15 times.

Exactly this. Patients yes. Random visitors rocking up demanding x, y and z on a busy day with few staff no. It was never a drink of water either, he always wanted a cup of tea as soon as his bum hit a seat

Sometimes it feels like you’re not allowed to criticise the NHS any more doesn’t it op.. I am fully aware there are amazing people and have been treated by some exceptional people working for the NHS but I have encountered some horrors as well. I’ve encountered appalling, upsetting behaviour including a nurse laughing when asking me some questions post miscarriage. It’s a broad spectrum of people so we have to expect there will be some rude or unpleasant folk in there. But that does not mean this behaviour should be tolerated. You did the right thing by calling it out - nobody is entitled to disrespect somebody like that. She should have at least apologised. I hope you and DD are feeling better 💐

As others have said she probably laughed in a 'are you serious, have you seen it in here' kind of way and not laughing at you personally. I don't get why you not being well comes in to at all. Was there not anyone else that could have taken your daughter if you were that unwell? Who needed a room/bed, you or your daughter? Paediatric A&E is for children and they are not interested in the health of the accompanying person with them. If you really have got a room in 9 times out of 10 visits, be thankful for that as it's rare.

Surely you know that she shouldnt have laughed.

You poor thing OP that sounds awful. Of course it was fine to ask for a room and she shouldn't laugh. I think all you can do now is give her the benefit of the doubt. I hope things are getting better for you and your family.

You sound like you go there quite a lot….

Also YABU for asking for a room, YANBU for being upset at the nurse scoffing. The nurse shouldn't have scoffed, but you also shouldn't have asked for a room because you felt unwell. You're not the patient so if there were any cubicles, it's likely the nurse was saving it for a paediatric patient who may need it.

I was given a room straight away without asking op.
Definitely not unreasonable of you to ask, some staff are just vile and nasty.

You're lucky this question occurs to you 🙏

What had that got to do with anything? Apart from you saying it was worse for you.

I have taken my kids to the child's A&E half a dozen times... literally never once been given a room.

I don't even think the kids A&E here has 'rooms', it has a ward rooms with 2 beds in (your usually taken there to be discussed before discharge) but people wait in the waiting room. If your bad enough to need a bed you get moved onto a proper ward or if you where real bad you would be in the proper ICU area regardless of age.

Child A&E is just to relieve the pressure on A&E since most things kids are in child A&E for are accidents (broken bones, concussions, cuts), allergies or mild non immediate critical illnesses (vomiting bugs, fevers, dehydration, migraines etc...).

For people saying they don't believe there are "private rooms" in A+E should watch a few episodes of 24 Hours in A+E filmed at St George's in London.
This is an A+E that I have been to with my child.
There is a waiting area with seats plus beds with curtains for some treatments and YES small private rooms for treatment and/or waiting if needs be.
They exist. They are there. I have been in them.