My husband has the heating on

[SarahYou]

We're in a small flat in the UK and it's boiling. He's washed some clothes and decided to put the heating on to dry them over the radiators.

"We" tried drying them over a drying rack next to an open window and he decided that they smelled bad after 30 mins so washed them again.

Now every radiator in the flat is blasting out heat and I've got a headache. He won't turn them off.

Is this normal?? Im so pissed off!

You're not stupid, @SarahYou , but you're in an abusive relationship and sometimes it's hard to realise this and do something about it. Do you have a friend, a mum or sister who could help?

Oh don't feel stupid. you should never have to be quiet though that's not healthy. Good luck.

He probably needs to use biological washing powder or liquid. That will sort out the smells.

Dehumidifier on overnight if the airer by open window isn't enough. Sounds as if you need to sort something as an everyday solution - my heating won't be going on again until October. Maybe put washing on as soon as you get up, so it has all day by window or use a dehumidifier.

LTB
Please.
There is help available.
This is not a good husband.
This is worse than military service bullying which used to go on in former Communist countries.

I'm usually cold and other person here finds it too warm.I have the heating on temp control but they turn it down, I click it up. But now it's really warm they've got an A/C unit in their room. I still had the electric blanket on last night for a little while. But your differences sound more about who is in control, not who is warm or cold.

This is not a description of a 'good husband'.

Your husband is horrible.

Also how on earth did he get the heating to even turn on in this weather. He must have cranked the thermostat up a good un.

You're not stupid, but also you don't have to live this way forever. What he's doing is not ok.

Please don't feel stupid. Everyone is trying to help you out. Mumsnetters can be pretty supportive when required. It looks like your eyes have been opened.

Please take the good advice on here and look after yourself.

'He doesn't get physical, apart from two times when he was really drunk.'

That is out of order. Even if drunk.

Thank you.

Everyone loves him. He is a good person 99% of the time. My parents love him. Everyone thinks he is the best husband in the world. And he is most of the time. Sorry I feel like I've made this thread in to something it wasn't meant to be.

People can appear great to the outside world but still be abusive behind closed doors. You sound ground down and as if you think it is always your fault but he's manipulating you to make you feel that way.

Don't apologise. Let us help you.

Read back what you just wrote @SarahYou

Would you say to a friend who said that "he sounds like a great husband"? Bet not.

Oh lovey he really isn’t a good man or a good husband if he gets aggressive with you and has been violent with you when drunk

it doesn’t matter what other ppl think of him, they’re not married to him or living with him. You are. Your opinion is the only one that matters here

Please raise your bar, he has the heating on and it's a very hot day, which is making uou ill and he won't turn it off.
He has only got physically abusive with you twice when he is drunk,no excuse , if you can't control yourself in drink, don't have one.
He is also a know all, which I find tedious snd I zone out.
Your husband is a pig, despite the side he shows to everyone else. Please wake up to this as it will get worse. He also sounds controlling.

You didn't. It's meant to be - you subconsciously wanted to ask for help.
It doesn't matter what other people think of him. He's abusive to you.

It's common for abusive people to be just lovely to everyone else - it makes you look crazy for suggesting otherwise. Turning heating on in this weather must feel like torture for you, and his reasons for doing so don't add up.

He sounds thick as shit.

I don't have any female friends to ask.
He would do anything for me when he's sober. He's the kindest, nicest person.
But, only occasionally, when he's had too much to drink he scares me.

I feel guilty for even writing this.

Please don't feel guilty. When he's sober he's fine?
Is he getting help for his drink problem?
I suspect not. Please don't put up with this. There are organisations you can contact.

Occasionally is too many times, he shouldn't be like it at all.

What would happen if you turned the heating off?

Is there some one at work you could chat to, it's concerning you don't have any friends

Oh, OP. That's awful.

So you can't tell him to turn the heating off because he has to have everything his own way. And he's "got physical" with you before when he's had a drink. So you're scared of him.

I think your 'lovely' husband is abusing and frightening you. Not sure what you'd call blasting out heat in a small flat in weather like this, other than abusive.