Just found out I’m pregnant I must be over 30 weeks I am scared!

[Goldflamingo]

Hi posting here as this thread seems to get the most traction.

I found out I was pregnant this morning. I haven’t had periods for 2 years as I’ve been on the pill and they’ve stopped them. I had no symptoms until recently. My belly is tiny, I’ve lost weight. I have been feeling so sick and dizzy, Saturday I went to a theme park with my daughter, I fainted and was sick everywhere. The medic came over and asked if there was any chance I could be pregnant and I laughed it off. I recovered and we went home.

Today I thought oh I will just take a test to rule it out. I was going shopping anyway so I didn’t specifically set out to buy a test, I just grabbed one with my shopping. I fully expected it to say negative, I was just doing it to humour myself. I knew there was an extremely slim chance but I was 99.99% sure it would be negative. I didn’t even look for 20 minutes as I was adamant it was a waste of time and would be negative. But no, two lines appeared. Because I left it so long I thought a possible false positive so I went out and got 6 more including a digi. All were dark positive and the digi said pregnant.

I went in to panic mode. I have not had sex in 30 weeks, the last time I had sex was November the 24th. I was dating somebody and things broke up after a few months as he moved abroad. I have not had sex or even dated since.

I called EPU, I explained the whole situation and they’ve said as I’m over 16 weeks, they can not take me under their care and I need to do an online referral for a midwife and urge the importance of the situation in my online referral. I have done an online referral and stressed they contact me asap. I can not find a direct number for the midwife’s, only the number for antenatal day Assesment unit. I don’t know what I should do, do I just go to a&e. Do I wait until the midwife’s have got back to me?

I am so scared. For all I know there’s more than one baby, the baby could be sick, the placenta could have developed incorrectly, the baby could be deformed, the baby could have a disability. Anything; because I haven’t been checked! So now I’m worrying!

I also drink a bottle of wine most weekends.

I am terrified something would have gone wrong but I’m in limbo until the midwife’s contact me back after they’ve received my referral. I don’t know what to do, do I go to A&E?? Am I going to be in trouble for not knowing until now?

I feel so uncomfortable sat here doing nothing about it until they’ve got back to me when I’m anywhere from 30-36 weeks pregnant. My other daughter was born at 33 weeks so I’m worrying!!!

please what do I do??? Do I go to a&e???

Glad to hear you and baby are ok, I can appreciate how scary it must have been when you've been (rightly) taking medication like lithium.

Appreciate this isn't the priority right now but just so you're aware if it comes to it, there's a specific process for social services around babies being given up for adoption voluntarily (usually referred to as 'relinquished babies' or something along those lines) The key thing to know is that these protocols include minimum time periods being in place to allow mums to have time to change their minds, and to explore their options as best they can. Just so you're aware that if you did later consider a referral it doesn't mean that you've committed to anything or that it would happen quickly. It's there to recognise how complicated such decisions can be, and how vulnerable new mums are.

You are so incredibly strong, realistic and level headed. This is not your mum or sister's decision to make. Don't be bullied into anything. They have no right to be buying prams etc.

It is the right thing to tell your ex before the baby is here and asap.

Glad baby seems to be all ok. Take your time to make a decision. You never know, the father might be more supportive than you think he will be. Hope baby stays in place for a few more weeks for you.

Thank you for the update. It’s quite the position to be in and I’m glad you are being given the time to make a choice. You are lucky to have the support of your sister and mum, but you must be the one to make the decision.

@Goldflamingo why is the prenatal testing £1000? It’s usually about £400. Though I can understand why you don’t feel you need it at this point.

Wishing you and baby well.

Thanks for the update. You don't have to make any decisions now. You are probably still in shock and you will feel different in a month, two months etc etc. I'm glad your baby's scans are all looking good. Wishing you all the very best whatever comes next.

Glad for your update, as PP have said it's great your family are rallying round, but ultimately the decision about keeping it or not must be yours. Best of luck whatever you decide, what a hell of a shock all this must be for you xx

Will your mum and sister help out a lot with baby?

Wow OP, what a week you have had. Sounds like you are holding things together amazingly well. Hope you get the best possible outcome for everyone xx

I'm glad that baby seems well and that you're okay. One thing to consider about telling the father is whether you'd be comfortable with him or his family seeking custody if you do want to go down the adoption route, as I believe social services would involve him if you disclose his identity.

Adoption is a 100 percent viable option. Listen to yourself, not your mom/sister.

I think it may be best to contact your ex-partner pre-birth and explain what has happened before the birth. I'd also give him calm options for the baby's future: does he wish to be involved, take sole parental responsibility, or agree to share parental duties, or would he support an adoption decision?

Hi OP, what a rollercoaster you have been through, very emotive and scary time.
It is very important that you make the decision that is right for you. I am sure your mum and sister mean well but their definitive opinions and buying baby goods is putting you under additional pressure. I do believe that the baby's father has a right to know. I am not in a position to advise on what decision you should take re long term. I really hope you will be OK. Do you have a close friend who you can confide in that can support you through the associated emotions?

OP, I am relieved for you the baby seems to be ok. All the best wishes for the complicated conversation with your ex and the big decision ahead.

It sounds like you're strong enough to make the best decisions ❤️

I’m glad you are being looking after a@Goldflamingo

I don’t think you need to decide anything at all now, there is time to think.
I know it seems like there isn’t but that’s not true and it’s important you don’t feel pressured or rushed into anything.

whatever you choose though is ok. I know there are people who want the best for you and have their opinion but this is your choice and it’s your life and all that matter is that you are ok with whatever happens next.

This reads like you're saying to say nothing and do it behind the fathers back.

How can you say this? Don't tell the father of his child in case he wants to get involved? The alternative being put the child up for adoption without the father ever knowing?

I can't believe anyone could ever even suggest this. In case he "complicates" things. Jesus wept. The man deserves to know about his child.

I say it in case she has concerns about him. E.g. if he were abusive towards her and she felt he could not be trusted with the child, yet might struggle to prove that to social services. Were I in OP's position and I had concerns that the father would put the child at risk then absolutely I wouldn't tell him. Of course if I believed him to be a decent human being (albeit one I didn't want to be in a relationship with) then I would tell him for both his and the child's sake.

I agree.

The irony is that there is no question of sperm bank fathers being told. And not necessarily one night stands wither.

Thank you for the update. I have been thinking of you
I'm glad the scan was ok and you are being looked after
It's great that your family are supportive, but do not let them pressure you
You have plenty of time after baby is born.
Sleep well

Glad you have support op. Will they be so supportive once baby is here too? Please don't let them pressure you. It is a very hard situation. I hope you're ok x

It doesn't read like this was more than a fleeting encounter. No time for abuse I'd not think.

He has every right to know he has a child.

My dd found out at 35 weeks. I had been suspicious but she was adamant she was not. It was a big shock as she already had a 2 year old. She did inform the father but he did not want to know. Adoption was considered but once he was born, there was no way that would have happened. I was her birth partner and he came home to our family.

I hope you are okay op.

This.

Don’t let your family pressure you into anything. I also think you should let the father know before the baby is born to give him a bit of time to process and he might even want to take them on himself full time.

Glad everything is looking good with the baby and your family sound great, very supportive. You’re right not to rush into any decisions, bide your time, rest while you can. You can’t stop it now so leave all decision making until after the birth.
Have everything crossed for you.