What the f*ck was I actually thinking?!

[Mamabear04]

I booked a holiday abroad months ago, it's our first one with the kids. I love travelling and it's not something that I want to give up on and I want DC to get used to it. DC are 4.5 and just about to turn 2. For the past 2 weeks it just feels like non stop tantrums, the kind where you are just battered by them. I decided that it would be good for us to try and have a chilled weekend so we are rested for travelling and that we have energy to enjoy ourselves when we get there. I just tried to walk to the local shop to buy some milk and literally DS had an epic tantrum (can't calm down kid of tantrum) because we needed to pay for a banana before he ate it and DD cried all the way home because she was wearing her new sandals and stones kept going in them. WTAF was I thinking booking a holiday? I am bloody miserable and just had an epic fight with DH. I have been looking forward to going on holiday for 5 years and now it just feels like a fucking shit show and what is the point? Why is it so bloody difficult to just do life and walk to a shop? How are we supposed to get on a plane tomorrow? I am so upset!!! Please no "just don't go" or "it's stupid to travel with kids so young" comments. People do it all the time, it shouldn't be this bloody hard! We also have saved up for this holiday and I refuse to loose the money, we've worked so hard for this!

It's also worth to say I've had a bloody shit couple of years. I've had 3 friends (all under 40) pass away very suddenly, my friends baby then passed away unexpectedly (just a few months younger than mine) and I've been in hospital recovering from developing asthma out of the blue (had to abandon last years holiday because i was so unwell even though the GP said it was just a virus and to go on holiday and that i would feel better in a weeks time - another waste of money that we had worked so hard for!) I just want a fucking break and for things to go smoothly for a while but it just doesn't seem to stop and now I feel it was bloody stupid to think life might be kind for a while.

Awwww darling xx

Take "bribes" on holiday eg sweets

I normally never resort to that but if it makes your holiday easier go for it

Business as usual on return though.

I remember those days when mine were young and it was soul destroying at times!

I now have two amazing kind smart grown up kids

Maybe you were thinking it has to get better at some point, because it sounds like an exceptionally rough few years.

Surely the DC will be excited by an airport and going on an plane - flying! - if they haven't been before. Take the electronic baby sitter and chat lots to them about how great it's going to be. Children like holidays too.

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through.

We went on holiday over Easter. The kids were really out of sorts. They seemed unsettled about being somewhere different and didn't like the food. On day 2, I thought to myself what's the fucking point?

I then just tried to keep things simple. Let them eat chips if that's what they wanted. Did simple things like going to the playground and watching a film together in bed.

Is it a bucket and spade seaside holiday you're going on? I have 4 children under the age of 5 and we used to go to Eurocamps in Brittany and Normandy. Once the children were engrossed in the activities on offer, or just splashing around and playing in the sand, there were no temper tantrums and it was fun.

It's bloody hard though, but you'll get through it and have a great holiday. You've had such a horrible time recently, you need a break.

You sound exhausted and frazzled from what sounds like a tough time. Try not to idealise the holiday too strenuously, or to build it up too much in your head. It will probably be fine, and even if the DC don’t react as you expected to some things you imagined they’d love, they’ll be entranced by something else. I agree with those suggesting bribes and some small toys for the flight. DS has been flying since he was three months (all our families in home country), but what he remembers about his first overseas holiday is only sitting on the luggage trolley in an Italian airport and seeing lemons growing on trees.

Not sure if this is helpful or not, but chances are the plane journey and some of the waiting around in the airport will be awful. I remember my son at 2 1/2 having a tantrum because he wanted to pull the wheeled suitcase but it was way too busy and he was getting in everyone's way so we couldn't let him. Then he wanted to keep putting the little tray on the seat in front up and down on the plane.

I would suggest writing that part off and getting through it in whatever way you can (iPad/tablets?). Then when you're there you should be a bit more able to flex and do the things that make everyone happier?

Hope it goes well :-)

Oh that all sounds tough. Have you tried to prepare your children for what to expect when travelling beyond the "we're going on holiday?"
When you're together and they're calm or playing trying to talk to them about it. Explain you have to get in the car and drive to the airport, it's a long drive (if it is). Tell them about airports. When you get the to the airport there will be loads of people going on holiday and it's very busy, you have to drop your bags here and they go through a special door and somehow end up on the right plane. After that you have to get in a long queue to go through security, there are special machines with X-rays etc etc. Tell them about all the steps so they're not expecting to arrive, jump on a plane and be at a beach. Tell them about the how strong the sun is and that they have to wear sunscreen or hats (assuming that's not an everyday occurrence). Basically explain anything you'll do that's not quite their normal and might set them off.

Aside from that, bribes. Lots of bribes. If you normally limit screen time, don't. Download their favourite films and shows in advance. Take a spare power bank so you don't run out of battery. Have a couple of books if they like them or treat them to a new book or magazine in WHS while in the departure lounge.

Do whatever you can to make it easier on yourself. Bribes, iPad etc. Have 0 expectations. Let them eat pizza every night. Take in turns with your partner so you can get some alone time. Yes, it’s hard and won’t be the holidays you have had before but I am sure you will make lots of good memories and chalk the bad ones (dropped a latte in the queue for going through security, DS throwing up all over the hotels lovely rug) up to experience 😂

Ah it'll be worth it. They will enjoy the change of scenery and you will have a lovely time. Just remember to take lots of snacks, games and general entertainment for the travelling and waiting around.
I'd also start getting them excited about by showing them videos and pictures of a plane journey and where you are going on holiday.

It sounds like you have had a really shit time. I tend to just let most things slide on holiday. We are quite routine based and strict and healthy eating at home. But I find holidays work better if you just don’t worry about how many times they have had chips. Eating a lollipop at 9am, whatevs. Icecream everyday, definitely. I also tend to only do things the kids will enjoy. Then I enjoy myself more as it’s actually nice. Trying to do something I enjoy just becomes shit as soon as there’s a tantrum.

One thing to remember is there is no such thing as a "perfect" holiday when children are involved. I think people romanticise holidays in their heads and are then disappointed when it's not like that. A holiday with children is just dealing with the same stuff in a different location. And that's fine. Enjoy the change of scene and don't stress over a couple of tantrums. It does get easier as they get older.

the key detail is

what type of holiday?

You need this holiday. Let the kids eat nothing but icecream if that’s what keeps them happy, bribe them with treats and toys and let them have as much screen time as they want. It’s a short holiday it will not destroy them. Use the hotel holiday club or babysitter for some child free time. Is taking a teenage cousin to act as nanny or mothers help an option? Try and start out with a positive attitude that you WILL have a great time because it does
make a difference.

Oh bless you, you do deserve a holiday.
My advice would be not to expect a holiday like the ones you had pre kid, you can still have great holidays but different ones.
Also, drop any standards you might have.

For us holidays are 'yes' times where we on the whole go with their wishes. We always go AI which reduces the food stress. They can eat what they want, when the want. Drinks, ice creams etc? Go for it. Park yourself by the toddler pool and let them get on with it. Even better if it's a splash park where they can't drown! DH and I usually give each other an hour off (I choose to read my book and have a cocktail, he usually takes the little one for a nap) but other than that we are both fully engaged. We've resigned ourselves to the fact an AI isn't our dream (lots of backpacking before we were married) but for this stage in our lives this is what works. Kids are a wee bit older now (youngest is 5) and we've just done our first abroad motorhome holiday which is more work but we still had fun.

What sort of place are you going?

I went abroad with similar ages a few times, and had amazing relaxed holidays. We were in AI resorts, and spent most of the time on-site at the toddler splash pool. They were so happy just splashing around, eating whatever they fancied from the buffet, buying bouncy balls from a vending machine. And back to the room for a nap when needed.

It's a different holiday, the travel might be difficult, but I am sure there will be a lot of fun.

The holiday is not going to fix your life or be the greatest two weeks you've ever had. Don't put too high expectations on the holiday. It'll only disappoint. But chances are, after 2 or 3 days of not having to be up for school/work/nursery and eating what and when you like, and little to no outside responsibilities you'll all relax. We have a terrible habit of putting ourself under pressure not to "waste" the holiday and end up rushing to get to breakfast, rushing to get ready and rushing everywhere and then dh is freaking out that it's not relaxing. So now we've zero expectations and if the kids want to chill in the room dh grabs a beer on the patio and I go to the pool or for a walk by myself. We also let nutrition completely slide for the time we're away. You'll have a ball. Just set the bar low- you won't be Instagrammable the whole time.

Personally, if you can, I would try to lower my expectations and standards for the next week. Go into survival mode where you just focus on the basics and let the rest be what it will. If they live on pizza and ice cream for a week, so be it. You'll be away from home so there won't be the same chores, distractions and stresses around. In my experience that means I have more time to focus on the kids and so there are overall fewer tantrums because you kinda handle them before they get big in a way which is oddly easier than in your home environment.

For the plane, be prepared. Have a little bag with activities and snacks at the ready. You may not even use it. Mine spent most of the flight staring out the window and talking to the flight staff, or playing peekabo with this lush lady who was sat behind us. But I had the bag ready with random fidget toys, story books, audio books on my phone with headphones to share, colouring pages I'd printed out, stickers, snacks etc so I felt more relaxed because I was armed. When I'm relaxed, they're more relaxed.

We've also had a shit show of a few years. Sending you huge huge hugs. All I can say is there will come a time in the future where you realise life got better, you found some contentment and the relief that brings after so much trauma is almost other worldly. I strive for contentment these days rather than happiness. Happiness is wonderful, but it can be so erratic. Contentment is calm, it's peace, it's acceptance. After the last few years it's so welcome to be content. You can do this momma. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. It'll be okay.

I've been taking my daughter abroad since she was a baby, relax when your there, don't feel pressured to follow home routine, if they want to eat chips and plain pasta the whole time so be it. The heat might knock them out, mine would have a nap on the sunlounger in the afternoon.
Older one might like kids club? Again mine loved it and it gave her a sun break and us a break.
If your hotel has a play area take them there in the afternoon, wear them out a little for bed time.
Tablets
Plenty of colouring books/paper
Plenty of snacks
Favourite teddy for the plane
Don't forget calpol and child nurofen in hand luggage just in case.
Hope you all have a lovely holiday OP. They will get used to it, mine has, she's 7 and LOVES her holidays including the airport and flight, even long haul which is boring!

Please no "just don't go" or "it's stupid to travel with kids so young" comments.

Of course you should go and no it is not stupid to travel with young children. There may be difficulties, yes, but these can be overcome. Sell it to them as a big adventure, especially the airport and the flying aspect, then them being in another place with different sounds, smells, people.

Could the children be a bit nervous about the holiday and travel as it is out of their normal routine?

When you get there on holiday just try and relax, let things slide a bit and go with the flow. It doesn't matter if they eat ice cream at every meal for instance it can be part of the this happens on holiday lifestyle.

I am sorry to hear about your tough times, you do need a holiday and a chance to relax but don't build it up too much in your own mind as to how it should be otherwise you won't actually benefit from it.

Thank you so much everyone. I've just spent the last half hour crying, hiding away in my room. We are going to a small city just 2 hours flight away. We have an airbnb 5 minutes walk from a beautiful beach, it's really kid friendly there and it's not the usual holiday we would go on pre kids but we thought that it would be a good place because it has loads of play parks, an aqua park, forest nearby etc etc. Our plan was just to do these things so the kids would have fun and we could enjoy the break and see some sunshine. We did think about AI but we don't drink much, the kids don't eat much and DS is exhausted after going swimming for and hour so we thought what would we do all day after that? And so where we are going seemed a good option. It's also not too hot low-mid 20s. I've prepared little bags of toys for the kids on the plane and have Sticker books, films downloaded, headphones ready. I have done everything I can to make it as smooth as possible even talking to DD about how there will be a lot of waiting around in the airport and she might be tired as it's an early flight. I guess my main point of stress is DS new all out can't calm down tantrums which have just seemed to rear their head this past week and that DD is an extremely sensitive child who just cries whenever something doesn't suit her. It is so tiring and I'm just at the end of my patience. Even now DH is trying to take them out to the back garden and all I can hear is screaming because they have to put on their shoes. They set eachother off. I'm honestly emotionally exhausted.

Don't go out in the garden so. Let them be the boss this afternoon. It's June. It's hot. The end of the school year is in sight....

Bribes. Sometimes it’s all that works.
Also try the magic countdown. I’m going to count down from 3 and everything will be alright/ quiet/silent ( whichever you want) by magic. 3, 2, 1, 0. Start loud get quieter.
I also used the fairy/pixie distraction. Loud gasp, look a fairy,oh she’s frightened of the noise, look, she’s flying there, Yes I looked a bit deranged pointing at nothing but it shut my oh so whingy grizzly crying little dears up.

Have a great holiday, share the load equally.

And divide and conquer. One parent has one child, one the other if they set each other off. I was a single parent so mine was one either side and don’t even look at each other with strict teacher voice thrown in.

It sounds absolutely awful but hopefully they won’t be too bad on the holiday.

I wouldn’t feel bad for booking it because unless you do it, then you’ll never know.

Worst comes to worse, take one kid each and then swap.
You could even take turns babysitting once you’re back at the hotel, so the other person can go out for the evening and do something that they want to do.

Just remember that these are all memories and you can look back and think how great it was that you did things like this, even with 2 young kids.