What the f*ck was I actually thinking?!

[Mamabear04]

I booked a holiday abroad months ago, it's our first one with the kids. I love travelling and it's not something that I want to give up on and I want DC to get used to it. DC are 4.5 and just about to turn 2. For the past 2 weeks it just feels like non stop tantrums, the kind where you are just battered by them. I decided that it would be good for us to try and have a chilled weekend so we are rested for travelling and that we have energy to enjoy ourselves when we get there. I just tried to walk to the local shop to buy some milk and literally DS had an epic tantrum (can't calm down kid of tantrum) because we needed to pay for a banana before he ate it and DD cried all the way home because she was wearing her new sandals and stones kept going in them. WTAF was I thinking booking a holiday? I am bloody miserable and just had an epic fight with DH. I have been looking forward to going on holiday for 5 years and now it just feels like a fucking shit show and what is the point? Why is it so bloody difficult to just do life and walk to a shop? How are we supposed to get on a plane tomorrow? I am so upset!!! Please no "just don't go" or "it's stupid to travel with kids so young" comments. People do it all the time, it shouldn't be this bloody hard! We also have saved up for this holiday and I refuse to loose the money, we've worked so hard for this!

It's also worth to say I've had a bloody shit couple of years. I've had 3 friends (all under 40) pass away very suddenly, my friends baby then passed away unexpectedly (just a few months younger than mine) and I've been in hospital recovering from developing asthma out of the blue (had to abandon last years holiday because i was so unwell even though the GP said it was just a virus and to go on holiday and that i would feel better in a weeks time - another waste of money that we had worked so hard for!) I just want a fucking break and for things to go smoothly for a while but it just doesn't seem to stop and now I feel it was bloody stupid to think life might be kind for a while.

I remember one holiday where my toddler turned into a complete arsehole and had meltdowns about everything. Would have happily thrown him in the sea. Still had a great holiday overall though.

Mine are a similar age - we’ve just been on holiday (in the UK but a long drive) I felt the same before we went.*

I really empathise - it’s so tough isn’t it! Don’t try to fit too much in or worry too much about what anyone thinks. Hopefully the novelty of it all will slow the tantrums down and you’ll have a nice time and come back feeling better! x

*It was VERY intense but perhaps a bit better than I was expecting - overall worth it.

Holidays with kids is hard. Try to stick to rest times like home even if 1 of u has to sit inside with them. Tired unroutined kids will be a nightmare especially the first time. Go for a walk or swim etc on Yr own. Try kids club, they'll love it or hate it. Remember, rest for everyone. Good luck

Sounds like you've had a really tough few years, just sending hugs and hope you are able to catch a break for yourself at some point.

Hi OP,

Is there any way that you could go away and leave the kids and DH at home? My DM loved travel too and took us on constant holidays all the time when we were kids. I ended up totally traumatised, from being dragged all over the shop, and now can barely stand to get in a car at all.

Failing that, my DM would say "go, but take syrup of figs".

You've just had a particularly bad day.
Your holiday sounds child friendly. Airbnb will be great because there's space to chill out.. beaches are great for kids..
I think it will be fine. More stressful than it would be without kids of course.. but I think you'll still have a good time. And I can tell you it gets much much easier to travel as they get older. Don't get too down about things. This is just a stressful time in your life.. it will get better and easier.

You have overexerted your children, and expected far too much of them. You have put them Through so much that they are chronically, exhausted, resulting in these meltdowns. If they got proper sleep and won’t pushed to do so much then you might find they’re a lot easier to deal with. They’ve had the excitement of going on holiday they’ve had to get used to a new environment. Going on the plane, travelling, it’s exhausting, You’re probably putting too much on to them, too many expectations and taking them to many places

Tip for your trip - have the nice meals at lunch time, not dinner. We took our two year old on our honeymoon and we didn’t get a single romantic calm dinner in any of the beautiful tavernas we picked because she was tired by then and needed one of us to take her back to the hotel to sleep. So enjoy the more expensive meals earlier in the day and be prepared to maybe take turns on going out for evening meal.

A holiday with little kids isn't really a break. But it isounds like you should book a child free holiday very soon to look after yourself. Either alone or with DH depending on childcare options.

Try & think of the positives & not just the negatives. You're away with the people you love, no work for a week or two & you don't have the stress of housework or food shopping to do. Take stickers for the kids to play with on the plane, they can stick them everywhere & they're easy to peel off with no mess & colouring books & a tablet if they have one. Once you're on the plane you should start to relax a bit & the kids will pick up on it so should be a bit more relaxed themselves & hopefully won't play up for you. They'll be happy playing in the pool & beach once you're there so try not to worry too much & enjoy it. I took bath crayons for my Grandson last year & he had a great time drawing on the tiles around the pool. Kept him entertained for ages. It won't take much to entertain the kids once you arrive, aa little bucket & spade to go crab hunting or fishing with a net will have them engrossed for a long time. Please try & enjoy it without worrying too much. We all work so hard the rest of the year for a couple of weeks holiday & then we worry about it & spoilt it for ourselves.

Mine hated open sandals (still does!) and I got boat shoes for the beach. They are also not a fan of heat or sand. This hasn't changed but it was horrible when they were small. Don't give up though - the holiday will be rewarding in other ways and you will have wonderful family moments. Make sure you carry sugar free lollies with you. They are great for tantrums, tears and oddly hunger. And bribes.

@Mamabear04 I hope the kids are having fun and you're having a nice time on holiday, you really need this break. Please try and get some help when you're back home 💐

This, 100%. In contrast to most on this threat, I loved holidays when my kids were little! They’re occupied all day doing fun stuff (swimming, in park etc). Just relax the rules and routines and don’t create unnecessary battles. You’ll have a lovely time and make some gorgeous memories.

Sounds like you could be suffering from depression at the moment, one death is bad enough but four. Hope you manage to have a nice holiday 😎

Hi OP
I really would try your GP. Most health authorities do have what are called IAPT services and you can usually self refer.
The 6 months wait for your friend was not about limiting services but rather that it seen therapeutically to be best to wait at least 6 months after a bereavement before having counselling.

Hello everyone, I just wanted to say thank you for all your kind words, encouragement and advice. I really appreciate it very much ❤️

I just wanted to give an update that we had such a lovely time on holiday. They kids did so well travelling (even though it was a ridiculously early flight). When we were there our 2 year old had some major tantrums for a couple of days, it was either absolute joy or absolutely meltdowns but he settled after a few days. My 4 year old absolutely loved seeing and experiencing new things. We kept it very relaxed re their diet (mainly chips, ice cream, fruit and rice cakes but my eldest was keen on trying new food too and picked off our plates at every meal). It was of course non stop but just being in the sunshine and not having the usual responsibilities of home helped us all to relax. We also managed to eat out most lunch times which I thought we would never be able to do which was amazing (we ended up getting takeaways and some beer for dinners and not doing any cooking was the best)! I honestly can't wait for our holiday next year and it's given much such a confidence boost in taking the kids away and that feels very good!

Ahh amazing OP! Sounds lovely 😊 so glad you had a lovely time

That is such a lovely update. I'm glad it went well.

Great update - ours were always fine on holiday even if not great beforehand!!

I also used to pack a plane/ car bag of new treats and forget healthy diets and just go with the flow.

Kids are hard. When my teens were little, I saw someone describe going on holiday with kids as same shit, different bucket.

Have low expectations, ditch bedtimes, let them eat what they want. Don't try to cram too much in.
Some of our holidays were real humdingers, but it does get easier.

We're off on our first abroad holiday in the summer, but need to fly on august bank holiday... 😬

Loved reading that update, you have really made me smile. My own DS (18) is currently at the airport about to fly off on his first holiday with friends and I'm feeling nostalgic for those toddler/preschool holidays and all the fun we had, tantrums etc notwithstanding! Glad you had such a lovely time.

Haha I could write that myself OP. We've stuck to UK holidays until now due to my hesitation. I have three kids under 7 and tantrums are common place in our household (mine included!).

My advice is to lower your expectations. If you're going for 7 days, try to have half a day to yourselves each to relax. Go with the idea that as long as you have two lovely days, it's worth it. Then, anything else is a bonus. And realise that whilst it feels hard work to us adults, even if they scream the whole time, they'll likely think back on the holiday as a great memory.

It won't last forever. At least that's what I tell myself.

Oops have seen your update. So pleased it went well!

That's a lovely update. So pleased you had a wonderful holiday.

You make some very good points about keeping it simple and dropping some usual rules re food. I'll remember that when we're away this summer. DD is 5 but is at the end of her reception year and she's shattered and emotional so it feels a bit like having a toddler again! Really pleased we're going away the second week of the holidays and not the first!

So glad you had a good holiday!!