What the f*ck was I actually thinking?!

[Mamabear04]

I booked a holiday abroad months ago, it's our first one with the kids. I love travelling and it's not something that I want to give up on and I want DC to get used to it. DC are 4.5 and just about to turn 2. For the past 2 weeks it just feels like non stop tantrums, the kind where you are just battered by them. I decided that it would be good for us to try and have a chilled weekend so we are rested for travelling and that we have energy to enjoy ourselves when we get there. I just tried to walk to the local shop to buy some milk and literally DS had an epic tantrum (can't calm down kid of tantrum) because we needed to pay for a banana before he ate it and DD cried all the way home because she was wearing her new sandals and stones kept going in them. WTAF was I thinking booking a holiday? I am bloody miserable and just had an epic fight with DH. I have been looking forward to going on holiday for 5 years and now it just feels like a fucking shit show and what is the point? Why is it so bloody difficult to just do life and walk to a shop? How are we supposed to get on a plane tomorrow? I am so upset!!! Please no "just don't go" or "it's stupid to travel with kids so young" comments. People do it all the time, it shouldn't be this bloody hard! We also have saved up for this holiday and I refuse to loose the money, we've worked so hard for this!

It's also worth to say I've had a bloody shit couple of years. I've had 3 friends (all under 40) pass away very suddenly, my friends baby then passed away unexpectedly (just a few months younger than mine) and I've been in hospital recovering from developing asthma out of the blue (had to abandon last years holiday because i was so unwell even though the GP said it was just a virus and to go on holiday and that i would feel better in a weeks time - another waste of money that we had worked so hard for!) I just want a fucking break and for things to go smoothly for a while but it just doesn't seem to stop and now I feel it was bloody stupid to think life might be kind for a while.

Look at this as a practice run.... get them trainers so stones don't get in their sandals, have instant food on hand so they don't have hangry tantrums.
Going on holiday with small children is not the same as travelling by yourself, and it has to be child focused, but it can still be fun, just in a different, low-key way. You need to plan , make sure there is access to food and shade and naps when they need it. If they sleep early and regularly, take an extra buggy so you each push a child around while you have an evening stroll and they sleep. Or plan that you will have early nights and set yourselves up accordingly.
My top tip is dress them similarly ( mine had bright red or orange tops and navy jersey shorts) so that you can easily spot them and if one does disappear you can point to the other and say " he looks like this but bigger". Make sure the oldest one can say your name and the name of the hotel and if you can get them to memorise yourphone number it's a bonus. Mine used to have a laminated card in their pocket with my details on it.
Holidays with small children are not relaxing, but they can be fun. Go and enjoy yourself.

Sounds like you are well organised. Your son's tantrums this last week could be due to being over excited or unsure about the upcoming holiday. You may well find once there he calms down.

As others have said tag team with one child each if necessary, share the load.

Remember in the grand scheme of things toddler tantrums are not the end of the world.

Don't let this set the tone for your trip. We've all had days like this with young children but it doesn't mean every day will be.
I had the best holidays with my children when they were preschool age, what helped was going with no expectations that it would be a relaxed holiday. Everything we did was focused on the kids and it was full on but them being happy meant less stress for us and getting to enjoy seeing them having fun.
I hope you all have a lovely holiday.

It’s a phase. And you’re just stuck in the worst part of it. They are at the page for being disastrous.
You can just about distract a two-year-old. But four-year-olds are way too clever to fall for that stuff.
Enjoy what you can and try to go with the flow of some of the other stuff. If they don’t want to wear their shoes, let them but just carry them with you so that when their feet gets too hot or stab a piece of glass, they can put them on.

It will probably be really hard I won't lie, my best suggestion is to lower your expectations, a lot. Tag team so you both get a rest. Take lots of snacks and a tablet/ things for them to do when tired and grumpy. Do they still take naps ? At that age mine would play at the beach all morning and then take a 3 hour nap so we could take in turns going for a swim/out for a walk. We took mine on a few city breaks at this age, no idea what we were thinking and it put us off travelling for a bit but I can say all they remember is how amazing it was and all the special moments.

op you crying in your bedroom is going to make your DP also feel a bit bleurgh

slap on a smile and enjoy the sun

Make sure you have enough asthma meds for your holiday and more!

I had a phase of always having asthma on holiday until the penny dropped I was going places that triggered it. Anywhere with a lot of cruise ships or diesel fumes and I was done. Venice was the pits.

I now check pollution levels before booking the holiday and fingers crossed, OK so far. But am never ever going to Barcelona.

You'll have a good holiday. The kids will kick off, and you'll cope. There'll be different things to look at, touch, vibe off, etc for them. You'll all experience a bit of a change. It won't all be plain sailing and it wont all be crappy! Frankly it can't be worse than you're feeling right now. The travel may be stressful - take advice from those on here who've done it before. But you've got this. Have a lovely holiday x

Lots of great advice on this thread about the children, but OP, I really think that you should speak to your GP when you get back. You've had a traumatic time. Have you thought about talking therapies or anything? Having young children can sometimes mean we don't have time to grieve properly and process. You sound overwhelmed and exhausted. My heart goes out to you.

Bribes, brandy and biscuits on whoever it works the best 😁

Like people have said, take a holiday from normal rules to an extent too, snacks and rewards to keep the peace. They'll hopefully be enthralled by the airport, the new places they'll see etc. Try an tag team a bit during the day, when ones napping your husband can take the other while you chill and vice versa, so you know everyday there's some recovery time.

I think Ive been very lucky, we holidayed 6-8 weeks a year with our kids from being 3m old and never had a problem with them.

Try getting your kids to use their voice more before they misbehave - I'm tired, I'm thirsty, Im hungry etc and show your DD how to get stones out of sandals (I admit I hate this too and it always happens to me 😬).

Go on holiday the kids will enjoy it esp if theres a pool...

Yeah I second this! Bribes, screens whenever, ice cream, new toy, relax on the rules, give yourself max breaks and if needed, tag team, take an hour off each daily whole the other is in the room, snacks and cartoons 😄

Absolutely don't cancel the holiday! Go, take bribes, choose your battles and let things slide so that you can enjoy yourselves as much as possible'

We were away last week and fit some reason a couple were having a right row with their 4yo because he wanted an ice cream while he watched his iPad (I assume because my DS was on the next lounger doing this) and they said he could only have one or the other. In the end he was in such a state (and tbh so were they) that they went back to their room. Saw them at dinner that night and they still looked miserable as sin. All to prove a point to him but for what possible reason!

Also pro tip - wrap up a few 'presents' just cheap £1 toys and hide them in your bag for when things get a bit hairy

Tbh the NHS wouldn't even give grief councilling to my friend who lost her baby until like 6 months had passed so I doubt the GP will do anything for me. I also don't really trust them after going to them for around 8 weeks until my oxygen levels dropped so low I was put in hospital. I definitely am emotionally exhausted, I've not had the time or space to grieve, I've just had to get on with it. I just want a bit of time when nothing really happens and life runs a bit smoothly. It's all I want right now and I just hope there can be a bit of peace on holiday.

Holidays with littlw ones are fucking hard work….but the sun will be shining and it’s a change of scenery ……it will only be like this for a few more years…..don’t have high expectations and you won’t be disappointed…..My dad is 30 and says it’s only the last 2 years that she’s been able to chillax on hols ( GDs are almost 9 and six)…..once they can swim by themselves and amuse themselves and each other it will be better….. you won’t have a shit time….just an exhausting one but it will be a break

DD not Dad!

Hopefully it'll go better than you are picturing, op.
I do find the travelling itself a bit stressful but that's usually mainly in my head. Sure it's more stressful before but most of the time, it goes well (I have two DC, 4 and 17 months and ive flown home to Scotland a few times with them as I live a 2 hour flight away, and once to Spain).

I do find it takes them a couple days to adjust to being somewhere new. DS2 was very clingy the three times we have travelled with him for around 2 days then he adjusted and was absolutely fine, older ds was the same on his first trip at 2 but is fine now.

What I love (for us anyway, I know it might not be the same for everyone) is you are out and about, more relaxed, you can bend the rules as it's a holiday, there are so many routine deviations, new noises, new sights, so much stimulation, later bedtimes so the kids are usually out of it quickly and sleep better at night. Our last holiday was last month and my 16 month old stopped waking in the evenings on holiday and I didn't have to go back to him and that's continued :)

get through the flight any way you can, use snacks and TV, whatever you need! Then on holiday allow yourself to relax, bend rules a bit and get out lots :)
Hope you have a wonderful time.

That's really tough, I'm sorry for your friend too. There is a bereavement board on here, might be worth engaging with this group, online support can also be really valuable https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement

A holiday with kids isn’t a holiday it’s looking after our kids in a different country 😂 I’ve done it my youngest was 6 months & eldest wasnt 3 have 24 months between them we’ve done about 10 hols now and I still question why every time. It ain’t that bad lol 🙈

Sometimes when we are feeling stressed as parents and just want to get shit done, we forget that things are like from a toddler's point of view. I always found it helpful to try to remember they are just reacting to their feelings at that age, they're not trying to be difficult on purpose. Not an easy thing to do when you're feeling stressed, I admit. I found it useful to set them challenges the minute they started to fuss. eg wanting to eat the banana before paying for it - make a big hoo haa about them being responsible for carrying the money/your card to the till and handing it over etc.

Stone in shoe, distract by talking non stop about your holiday. "ooh, you know when you go to the beach on holiday, you don't even have to wear shoes, the sand feels lovely!" blah blah.

on the actual holiday, forget about having any R&R yourself unless there's a kids' club and thye're happy to go in it for an hour or two. Just concentrate on keeping the kids happy, by whatever means possible. Extra naps, more chocolate or junk food or screen time. Take a bag full of kit on the plane to keep them occupied.

Your time will come again. Mine are young adults now - DH and I went for a short break to Rome last year on our own and it was bloody brilliant just being the two of us. Made us appreciate it so much. And while your kids are at an awkward age for relaxing holidays now, when they're mid-late teens, they will most probably ADD to your holiday enjoyment if you go for things like California road trip, or a cool city break that they can help plan.

Taking little ones on holiday is tough but doable- you just have to what they want - lots of sweet treats/iPads with movies on/colouring books/pencils for the plane- then when you get there have no set plans for the day- lots of days at the pool and the beach- you may not get fancy meals but just eat what you can and try to relax and go with the flow x

My kids went on their first holidays from around 6 months old. I have always travelled a lot with them. My main tip is it’s a holiday so relax all the rules. They can eat whatever, wear shoes or not wear shoes, go to bed whenever. Just make sure you have back-up in your bag like flip flops, snacks etc.

If you are relaxed, they will be. Don’t overthink it all.

And if you’ve not flown with them before, don’t stress if they cry on the plane. No one really cares about kids crying on a plane, and those that do, fuck them.

It is so hard to predict. The newness of it all might engage them and it will be OK. You might think wearing shoes or sandals isn't important, one of mine liked to wear wellies on the beach and it looked odd but it made them happy and I just didn't care although the wellies were so sweaty and smelly that we had to throw them away at the end of the holiday.

The easiest holiday I ever had with kids (I've got 4) is when one was 2 and one was 6 weeks and we went camping. Everyone said we were mad and it sounds mad but there were loads of kids and a gang of them took the 2 year old under their wing, she was the baby in their games and they kept her busy for most of the week the only issue being she didn't want to leave the camp as her new friends were more fun than the beach. The baby lived in vest and disposable nappies and was breastfed, he was so easy. We lived on salads and the fish and chip van that came to the site twice a week. A mad holiday that was so relaxing.

Look at it this way currently your expectations are so low they are off the scale, the chances are it will be better than that. I have my fingers crossed for you.

If there is ever a time for a screen, it's the plane ! Kids are hard op, they're all little terrors, I know mine are.
I'm sure you've had some nice times too on the holiday ?