What the f*ck was I actually thinking?!

[Mamabear04]

I booked a holiday abroad months ago, it's our first one with the kids. I love travelling and it's not something that I want to give up on and I want DC to get used to it. DC are 4.5 and just about to turn 2. For the past 2 weeks it just feels like non stop tantrums, the kind where you are just battered by them. I decided that it would be good for us to try and have a chilled weekend so we are rested for travelling and that we have energy to enjoy ourselves when we get there. I just tried to walk to the local shop to buy some milk and literally DS had an epic tantrum (can't calm down kid of tantrum) because we needed to pay for a banana before he ate it and DD cried all the way home because she was wearing her new sandals and stones kept going in them. WTAF was I thinking booking a holiday? I am bloody miserable and just had an epic fight with DH. I have been looking forward to going on holiday for 5 years and now it just feels like a fucking shit show and what is the point? Why is it so bloody difficult to just do life and walk to a shop? How are we supposed to get on a plane tomorrow? I am so upset!!! Please no "just don't go" or "it's stupid to travel with kids so young" comments. People do it all the time, it shouldn't be this bloody hard! We also have saved up for this holiday and I refuse to loose the money, we've worked so hard for this!

It's also worth to say I've had a bloody shit couple of years. I've had 3 friends (all under 40) pass away very suddenly, my friends baby then passed away unexpectedly (just a few months younger than mine) and I've been in hospital recovering from developing asthma out of the blue (had to abandon last years holiday because i was so unwell even though the GP said it was just a virus and to go on holiday and that i would feel better in a weeks time - another waste of money that we had worked so hard for!) I just want a fucking break and for things to go smoothly for a while but it just doesn't seem to stop and now I feel it was bloody stupid to think life might be kind for a while.

I would echo @Pookerrod just lower your expectations massively, let them do whatever makes them happy, relax all the rules around food etc. and just try and go with the flow. You have been through a lot and it is hard not to idealise the holiday.

You're not wrong, it can be so gruelling. Let them eat what they want, splash around and have naps when they need, do things you like!

I agree with this.
Just bribe them & make you get time away from them.
There may be a chance there is a kids club or local babysitters you can use?

They need maximum screen time. Treats, easy food and loads of tv.

Good luck, and I hear you!

My kids were 8, 7 & 3 when we first took them on a plane abroad, 2 have autism and the youngest was non verbal at the time. They were hard work on a day to day basis anyway so I was absolutely dreading the holiday! But it was probably one of our easiest holidays we've had! I was soo worried the youngest was going to scream the whole time on the plane, but he surprised us all and was fine! They were all actually pretty well behaved the whole time! We obviously planned for the worst so took ipads, toys and pretty much had no expectations! They all lived off ice cream and chips, went to bed whenever, we didn't plan days out, just took it one day at a time. We didn't do anything first few days whilst they adjusted, just stuck to the hotel and wondered about. Just go with the view that everything will go wrong, then you will be super happy when it doesn't 😂

My son is 5, he had tantrums but has always been an amazing traveler. They might surprise you. Fill one of there hand luggage’s with cheap toys they havnt seen before, art stuff, snacks, I pads. They will be fine. Have an amazing Holliday

It's a tough age! I remember taking our kids to Austria at that age and our then 4-yr old having such a major meltdown in Innsbruck that my husbandwas worried people would think hewas a stranger kidnapping him. But! overall that was a lovely holiday - do one big activity a day e.g. going to the forest, the zoo or whatever. Simple food for the kids - pasta/chips/ice cream. Dont stress about screen time. And tag team so you both get down time to explore the city or read a book or whatever you need! If eating out is too stressful, get some lovely food from the market so you can have a relaxing dinner and a glass of wine when they're asleep

Your holiday plans sound perfect for you and your kids. Don’t try to do too much and don’t put any pressure on yourselves to do stuff. Just try and kickback and enjoy small things.

Do you still use a buggy for the youngest? Take it. It's an invaluable security/restraint/tiredness prop. Even the oldest might need a rest in it. I used one on holiday well past age 5! Handy for carting groceries and bottled water if you're self catering, too.

Why have you ruled out cancelling?
If you lose the money just lose it -far better to do than than go through a week of hell.

I took my kids at 20 months and three years to Australia for a month. It was a fantastic holiday (would have waited for the kids to be older but it was the only time my DH could get a month off).
It was tiring as we didn't sleep and arrived at 4am to a disappointing hotel. But the kids behaved impeccably.
The 4 year old is old enough to know how to behave. Hopefully the novelty will help, but I'd also explain what is going to happen in advance which may help.

We got back yesterday from a week abroad with kids almost the same age (4.5 and 2)

They had iPads, sticker books, colouring books and snacks on the plane (3.5 hour flight)

On holiday the spent almost all of their time in the pool, so just getting them out for regular drinks, letting them drink new juice (our oldest loves apple juice on holiday) so it's like a treat. They also had slushes most days to make sure they drank plenty.
Breakfast was usually pancakes, chocolate spread and fruit - not their usual breakfast but I didn't need to start the day with a fight.

We took a buggy that folds up to go in the overhead locker, ideal for the 2 year old to be contained in the airport and moving around the resort. A clip on the buggy handy to attach a pool bag was super handy.

A few new toys to avoid meltdowns when going back to the room helped us to distract them. Nothing fancy, just some little figures or a magazine

This.
OP I'm sorry you have had such a terrible time.
Just go on holiday enjoy the change of scenery but don't have huge expectations and enjoy as much as you can.
You will have tantrums and some difficult times that is what life with small children is like. But you will have some happy times too.
If you can, take lots of small sweets, new cheap toys , pens, books etc with you. Keep them hidden and bring them out gradually as a distraction whenever you need them
Good luck

Aw op, please don't despair. My kids are similar age to yours, and honestly they are hard work, this won't change when you go on holiday, but at least you have less responsibilities while you're there - less cooking and cleaning, no worries about work, nicer weather. I'd say have low expectations as it will still be hard work with the children, so find your pleasures where you can and plan things to accommodate you all. Where abouts are you going? Is it a beach holiday? My top tip is to go to the beach for relax time, as the kids just play in the sand the whole time and you don't have to parent much. By the pool is much harder work because you have to be with them in the water constantly or making sure they're not running on the poolside etc.
Take 100s of snacks, buy them loads of ice cream, take screens for the plane, say yes to everything that's within reason, and if your 2 year old is still napping then enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail with them asleep in the pram while you do!

I think managing expectations of holidays is something I've had to really adjust to as a parent of littles. It's never relaxing unfortunately, but we've learned to just expect it to be the same shit different location and make the most of it. Use kids clubs if they're available and don't feel guilty. Take the easiest route, don't pick any battles just give in 😂 for the whole week.

I really hope you manage to have a nice time, they will make some lovely memories and so will you, I am sure of it.

Xxx

going On holiday with my 2 young children was amazing and really the best holiday I’ve ever had. Relax don’t pa of, it’s going to be fine. Not sure who has told you otherwise x

Sounds like you need a couple of nights away on your own x

We are heading off on holiday with our 1 and 3 year olds. 3 year old has been to 8 countries so far and 1 year old 5. We’ve done beach/pool holiday, city breaks, cultural trips and, most recently, a train holiday which was a logistical nightmare and involved carrying two weeks worth of luggage by hand around Scotland - but it was fantastic. I love travel and could not give it up, can’t wait until they are ready to do long haul in another year or so. This time we are off to Florence and a nature reserve in Tuscany.

In my view a successful holiday with little kids is about one thing - expectation management. Do not expect it to be like holidays pre kids, I have had relaxing MOMENTS on holidays with them (primarily when they are asleep!) but definitely not a relaxing holiday overall. We aim for fun rather than rejuvenating/relaxing. We also accept that travelling there and back will be shit - even if they behave themselves, which is hit and miss, then corralling them, getting them in the right place at the right time and not losing your mind doing it is not fun. There are shit moments (like when my daughter lay down and screamed on the floor not once but three times going through Copenhagen airport) and that’s unavoidable but you need to manage your expectations and not get into a spiral of “this is all ruined”, “holidays with kids suck”, “we’ll never relax again”. There will be crap bits that wouldn’t have been there pre kids but that doesn’t mean the whole thing is not worth it, the tantrums would have happened at home too.

For us it is so worth it, I remember many more of the highlights than low lights and the kids always have a fantastic time.

You absolutely can go on holiday but you are not being unreasonable for how you are feeling. Try to make the holiday as chilled and flexible as possible with very low expectations and hopefully it will work out for you. It might not be the dream break you need but perhaps you could try and escape by yourself for a few days when you get home as it sounds as if you need that. Depending on where you are going maybe you could each take a few hours off and treat yourself to a gym workout, hobby few hours or a massage or a facial. When my husband and I travelled with our boys when they were little we would have a few mornings or afternoons where one of us would stay in the room playing simple games with the children, watch kids TV shows or take them to a park allowing the other a break to relax at the pool, have a workout or treat ourselves to a massage (me). Just focus on what works best for your family and remember that you really don't need to all be together creating family memories every day of the trip.

I hope you have arrived and the journey wasn’t too bad

I’ve just been on 3 separate month long holidays with tantrumy 4 year old and an infant. So, it won’t be as fun as before- definitely forget your previous holidays - but it’s still nicer to tolerate tantrums when there is lovely weather outside, a beach and a cocktail to drink, then in the same old same old surroundings in no doubt, rainy Britain. Minimise trying to go somewhere or be somewhere by certain time, so no back-and-forth going to the beach and back to the room multiple times a day

My main advice – try to set aside some money for a local Nanny and look up reputable Nanny agencies in advance, unless your hotel provides them, in which case definitely use them to have an hour or 2 to yourself

We took young dc on holiday and honestly, having new scenery for the tantrums helps. Go with the flow and try to enjoy it but keep expectations low.

My kids when young got a bit of a free rein on holiday. Doughnuts and ice cream for breakfast, no problem. Want to wear a mermaid costume to lunch, that's fine too. But the only thing I put my foot down on was bedtime. Within an hour of normal bedtime for the youngest. Within 2 for the eldest. Might mean me and DH take it in turns to visit the bar and bring back drinks and we'd play cards on the balcony - but tired kids = nightmare!

I always enjoyed holidays with the kids when they were little like this (more than I do now with grumpy teens if I'm honest) but you do need to lower your expectations. If you are near a beach that's great. You are not going to be able to relax much, honestly, but if you can enjoy engaging with the kids and playing often things are so new and interesting the kids kind of behave better. Let them eat what they want but I was always exTREMEly strict about bed times because then you and DH can drink beers and eat crisps while they're in bed!

Sounds like you've got some good strategies in place. I really, really hope you can manage to enjoy this break. You deserve it after everything you've had to deal with.

And if it goes tits up, you've got us to vent to!

Hope your flight went well @Mamabear04 and you had a good start to your holiday, sounds like it's well deserved. Our little boy has travelled with us since a few months old, he isn't 2 yet and about to notch up his 10th country, but amongst the great memories we have definitely had some challenging moments and let him watch far too much Bluey and eat far too many chips. Take it easy and try to have a little bit of alone time and give your DH the chance to have a bit too, I find it works wonders.
By the way, your holiday destination sounds AMAZING. Would you be able to PM me if you don't want to share it on here?