To reply to school mum on group chat?

[Whistledown1005]

I'm on my DC class group chat. It's all women. It doesn't get written on that often but today some mums have been talking about the amount and complexity of our DC homework. They are quite young still. Most other mums were in agreement that it was too much etc.

Then this one mum write a huge paragraph about how homework is the child's responsibility and we should do little support and guidance. Saying how she's lucky that her DD is independent and likes doing the homework and how they still fit in family time and hobbies and her older DC helps her younger one with homework. Says her DD takes so much pride in her homework and loves doing it. That she praises her DD with treats for doing her homework. Then tells everyone not to stress over it all.

This school mum is first to comment on everything. She ALWAYS brags about what her DDs are doing etc.

Would ibu to write something in the group chat about it being all well and good for her but not every child is like her darling DD and needs alot of support and guidance. Some of us are alone and being both parents. Some of us have full time jobs, some of us are just struggling in general. So we do find it tough and want to find solidarity with others about it. I eye rolled hard when I saw her message, she did not read the room.

Totally agree re the failure point, but would say it’s not just children who benefit. There’s a concept called ‘Intelligent Failure’ and many companies are being encouraged to adopt it to help with their employees’ psychological safety and trust in the workplace.

Essentially it says that organisations should differentiate between mistakes, accidents and discoveries (intelligent failures) which come about from the considered testing of new concepts/approaches. That way people aren’t scared to fail if they ‘fail well’ but there are still consequences if people are deliberately failing by not following rules/procedures etc.

I get it's my DC responsibility to do homework but as a 7 Yr old the stuff being set is too much. I know of other schools in the area are just setting standard maths and English homework. I believe it's good for them to try but feel like they are being set up to fail. It's good to make mistakes and all that but if the goal is unachievable then there is no motivation to complete the work.

This mum says her older child helps her kid. She instead of her doing it she's passed on the help and therefore freeing up more time. Hardly anyone else can do this so it's unfair to gloat

Not where I come from it isn’t, a thumbs up means , yeah whatever, I can’t even be arsed replying to you.

id never thumbs up to a friends comment that I agreed with, would always put a smile or a heart.

This

YANBU @Whistledown1005 I have a few of these types in my friend group where their little Prince/Princess are simply wonderful humans, fully formed as they flew out of the birth canal. They are great kids but their parents ridiculous over praising and exceptionalising of them puts me right off them. Homework is not a thing to lose sleep over. Research has proven its of little or no benefit. They do enough at school. Let them be kids. Especially in primary. There are other skills they need to learn to be wholly functioning humans. This is why sports/after school activities are valuable, as well as family time and relaxing time. I’ll have the types of parents that are in your WhatsApp group come after me for that statement. It’s because they get their validation of themselves through their children’s achievements. I wanted mine to grow up rounded and happy if that means saying no to homework (which for us it did for the primary years) then fine. If you have kids that can easily manage it then fine too. Do what your own kid needs. They are not all the same.

I think the thumbs up being seen as passive aggressive is a younger generation thing……compared to me being gen x. I read that most gen z and maybe even millennials see it as rude. And I cringe a bit as when I’m busy at work and someone has emailed me something which doesn’t really need a response I thumbs up their email….and they’re all gen z! 🙈. I’m just acknowledging that I’ve read it!

Just ignore the gloating. Really nothing to be gained from engaging.

Talk to the school. Lots of parents much prefer straight maths and english homework. The parents can see the value in it. Ask if they can make the project-y work less practical or more optional or something

Because it is, or can be. Depending on who you’re replying to.

Having just quizzed my DC, it’s meant sarcastically. It’s how I use it anyway.

I wouldn’t reply. If you feel you absolutely have to say something, don’t go in to all that detail. Just say “fair enough, that’s not the case for most people though”.

I'd want to do a 🥇

😂

You're all chatting in a group chat, except it's about how you're struggling to pay bills with increasing costs. One person, instead of saying nothing because it doesn't apply to them, pipes up with 'well I'm not struggling at all! Honestly people just need to get better jobs, it's our responsibility to pay for things.'

That's not expressing a different opinion, that being a smug twat.

I can understand her frustration. If the homework was consistently too much for my child I'd be going to the teacher not the WhatsApp group. I might the odd time say X is really struggling with the homework tonight- is anyone else? Just to gauge it. But most of the time I can tell if he's having an off day or if it's beyond him. And I'd go straight to the source.

It drives me mad parents looking for a safety in numbers and a mob on the WhatsApp group. Especially because you have 6 or 7 vocal moms who assume silence is consensus and it feels like everyone is thinking one way and in reality the other 20 are actually fine.

Wow, she really is tone deaf

Can i ask what the is being set? Not being goady, am genuinely interested (am a primary teacher)

I agree with @Livelaughlurgy Maybe she felt it was getting a bit too much like a pack mentality of complaints by people who weren't doing the obvious thing of talking to the teacher about their child struggling with homework. Complaining to other parents doesn't solve the problem and just feeds a building atmosphere of negativity. There are probably a few parents who are fairly neutral and their kids just get on with the homework (or don't and their parents just aren't interested in sharing other parents' opinions by participating in the WA group).

The PP who said it's the same as someone with money saying people who can't pay the bills should just get a better job, it's not. There is no simple, obvious solution to being unable to afford to feed and clothe your kids because there are so many competing factors to think about. Parents whose kids are struggling to complete homework independently should contact the school about it. Complaining to other parents might feel good but doesn't solve anything. The parent OP is complaining about might be suggesting things which are unworkable for other parents, doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to speak at all. Nothing she has said seems offensive, just perhaps not useful. If what you are doing isn't resulting in homework being done, and her suggestions are impractical, seek advice from others including the teacher or quit complaining.

Because she’s full of herself and very annoying.

That… you sound pretty jaleous about it all. Or at least, if you write back « good for you »…that is how it will read. You will also successfully ostracised a mum that potentially could help out IF you’d want to, with homework and all… No doubt other mom will think to get her DDs to befriend with theirs…

maybe she isn’t the only one that didn’t read well the room?

I agree, boasting isn’t nice if not true…but if she is happily doing it all and succeed, you would sound petty to put her down for it.

It’s not worth it! Just ignore the message/mute the group.

We’ve had homework battles for years and many tears from DS and us so I get it I really do but it’s not worth worrying about.

She’s clearly tone deaf or a bit of an oddball. Ignore her. Do not edify her ridiculous post with a comment.I expect at some point everyone will work her out and have a bit of a quiet giggle at her comments.

Honestly do you need to ask whether or not you should get into a pointless chat on a What's App group. Just mute.

An exhibition project ( prob outing myself here). So one fact board with lots of research on. One science thing on another board and then an entire art/dt project/model. Each one is 1 week long to complete amongst timetables, reading and spelling like normal.

Saw some other of the class mums today. I actually didn't mention anything but they did and the general consensus was the same as mine

Ignore her, there is always one dickhead school mum on the group chat.

Ignore it. If you reply you will end up spending hours thinking over your message and whether you said the right thing and checking to see if anybody responded or liked it. That won’t make you feel good.

She sounds like a pain in the arse but really not worth getting into a big thing over. Just roll your eyes and scroll on.