To reply to school mum on group chat?

[Whistledown1005]

I'm on my DC class group chat. It's all women. It doesn't get written on that often but today some mums have been talking about the amount and complexity of our DC homework. They are quite young still. Most other mums were in agreement that it was too much etc.

Then this one mum write a huge paragraph about how homework is the child's responsibility and we should do little support and guidance. Saying how she's lucky that her DD is independent and likes doing the homework and how they still fit in family time and hobbies and her older DC helps her younger one with homework. Says her DD takes so much pride in her homework and loves doing it. That she praises her DD with treats for doing her homework. Then tells everyone not to stress over it all.

This school mum is first to comment on everything. She ALWAYS brags about what her DDs are doing etc.

Would ibu to write something in the group chat about it being all well and good for her but not every child is like her darling DD and needs alot of support and guidance. Some of us are alone and being both parents. Some of us have full time jobs, some of us are just struggling in general. So we do find it tough and want to find solidarity with others about it. I eye rolled hard when I saw her message, she did not read the room.

Honestly I wouldn't bother responding, what's the point? I'm sure everyone reading her post is just rolling their eyes and thinking she's a twat. Leave it alone, it's never worth getting into a heated exchange with someone who's opinion you don't give a shit about 🤣

From another point of view (though I don’t post gushing comments about my child and rarely post at all unless I know a date or time) I get pretty fed up with all the mums who complain about being charged £10 for an 8 week swimming block or £6 to go to the science centre. Then the ones who complain about the homework and how hard it is to fit it all in. Then there are the ones with the well
I’m not doing x, y and z this is bloody ridiculous. I’m sure their child feels great when they are in the minority and most other children have done the activities/crazy hair etc. Life’s bloody hard, I work full time, my DH works nights. I struggle but at the end of the day my child’s stuff comes first always and I don’t feel the need to post woe is me messages or how wonderful am I ones either.

Edit: so no I wouldn’t respond and cause issues with another parent for no good reason. We all have opinions some more vocal than others but I tend to find those who are overly gushy are probably the most unhappy.

I agree with her. What kind of support is it that your DC needs and how much?

Maths worksheet? Tell them to sit in front of it for 20 minutes and really try and think and have a go. If nothings written in 20 minutes write a note explaining to the teacher that it was attempted and they could literally do none of it. If it's all wrong the teacher will see it's wrong. Whatever they do, send it in.

Make a project about Ancient Greece? Do they have means to research? Basic art supplies? I'm sure they could come up with literally something alone even if it's not as good as you assume it's supposed to be. If all else fails, google a picture of the Olympic rings for them and tell them to draw them.

Allocate the amount of time you feel appropriate, direct them to the supplies available to them, if any. Chat with them about ideas on trip the journey to / from school. Then send it in.

If all they do is take their shoebox and draw a football on it then send in the shoebox.

If they're writing a story and they write "once upon a time there was a boy the end" then send it in.

I really don't understand the whole "homework for them is homework for me" thing. They can only do what they can do. If they're not capable the teacher needs to know. The teacher does not want to mark 20 essays about endangered rhinos written by adults.

Homework shouldn't be about extra teaching by the parents. If should be practising what they've already learned or using their research skills or creativity.

If they can't even attempt it alone because they don't understand the content then the teacher needs to see that and urgently.

If they can't do any because they "can't think of any ideas" then chat and suggest ideas on the journey home. Come up with the simplest most boring idea and if they can't think do anything tell them they can use that.

In my experience, the things parents say the kids cannot possibly do without hours of support are things they do in the classroom every day with no help whatsoever. At home they're just more scared about doing it "wrong".

I’d want to respond with 👏

Not sure I’d be brave enough in reality

I am very hands off with homework these days following huge battles in the earlier years. Would not dream of being smug about this on a WhatsApp group though - I know all too well things can go down as well as up…

@Whistledown1005 don't reply.

If you don't like the homework as it's projects and not traditional homework like maths, reading, writing, spelling then go and talk to the school about changing the format of it

Nope, it's just her need to shine for whatever reason, don't let it trigger you x

Definitely this, the most passive aggressive reaction ever! 😂

There is always one mum like this who is a total bragger and their kid is the best and has a perfect life. The reality might be very different. Ignore and whatever you do just do not respond to the message. You will come over as the jealous one. People like this are also gossipy and you run the risk of others agreeing with her.

Yep I’m with her too. Your kid can either do the homework or not. The teacher wouldn’t set homework that the child can’t do, and if it’s beyond them then the teacher needs to know.

I think it’s a bit sad when parents take great pride in doing the child’s homework or they come in to school with sophisticated crafts that you know an adult has done.

One of the mums I knew always used laugh and say “I always check Ben’s bag when he comes out to check what mark I got for his homework!” And I would smile but secretly think she was doing him no favours. He left school with no qualifications and at 24 still lives at home unemployed. She still indulges him and does everything for him.

Children should be allowed to try, and struggle and yes, fail. That is where resilience and learning is born.

Don’t reply!!! You’ll look bad then. Just ignore. Be content that 98% of parents hate her now 🤣

I have one DC out of 3 that needs zero support with homework. Wouldn’t mention it during a discussion on homework like this.

Yeah step away. Your message won't be the heroic reply, standing up for everyone. You'll just end up causing a spat and ISS only alienating people.

If ever I reply to something like this I regret it. It's better to just keep quiet and ignore it. If everyone ignores what she said it sends a powerful message too.

Agree, just let it hang there. Better yet, ask a different question about something else and let the speed with which everyone replies to that be informative....

Agree it’s not worth the hassle. Wait until your at an event with one or more of the mums who after a drink or 2 bring her up and have a good bitch to get it out of your system.

i had a mum like this, would go on and on about how her dd would just get on with things, how her reading was advanced, she didn’t need to do a thing. My thoughts 1) thank fuck, I’m dyslexic with zero GCSEs and can piece together a sentence better than you, none of her texts or emails were ever spelt correctly or made an ounce of sense, so it was a good job she wasn’t teaching her child! 2) there were 3 older siblings who sat down with her every night, helped her with homework and read to her and a grandma who picked her up every day from school who did all the knitting, sewing, baking and anything that she brought into school/rainbows/brownies and passed as her own doing.

She was universally disliked (the mum) but most of us just smiled and nodded, a few eye rolls and an occasional bitch while preying for highschool hoping our DDs found new friendship groups. Thankfully most did, one mum is still stuck with her but has found her easier to ignore now there is less parent involvement.

This. I'm astonished that PPs are telling you to just ignore somebody who is clearly making people feel shit about themselves and their parenting!

Nope. Not on my watch

That's signalling that she agrees with her, though?! 🤦‍♀️

As I've said above, that just signals that OP agrees with this woman! That's what 'thumbs up' means in this context.

@2chocolateoranges How on earth is that passive aggressive?! A thumbs up means "yes" so I'd take that as the person sending the thumbs up, agrees 100%

Either her kids genuinely manage the homework and it's not a struggle for them which is fair enough. Or she's lying to sound good . Either way it's not worth the head space.

Ask yourself why this was so triggering for you.

😆😆

If you're confident that you're doing your absolute best, you don't need to give her a second thought, let alone start a row over your kids and homework.

Just let it go.

She's a silly woman who brags about her children in an exaggerated way.
How does that affect you?

If you reply you could start a war and it really isn't worth that. She isn't worth that.
Ignore her.

Why is your opinion right op but hers is not? Can people only post in the wats app if they agree with you?
Why do you find her opinion triggering?