To reply to school mum on group chat?

[Whistledown1005]

I'm on my DC class group chat. It's all women. It doesn't get written on that often but today some mums have been talking about the amount and complexity of our DC homework. They are quite young still. Most other mums were in agreement that it was too much etc.

Then this one mum write a huge paragraph about how homework is the child's responsibility and we should do little support and guidance. Saying how she's lucky that her DD is independent and likes doing the homework and how they still fit in family time and hobbies and her older DC helps her younger one with homework. Says her DD takes so much pride in her homework and loves doing it. That she praises her DD with treats for doing her homework. Then tells everyone not to stress over it all.

This school mum is first to comment on everything. She ALWAYS brags about what her DDs are doing etc.

Would ibu to write something in the group chat about it being all well and good for her but not every child is like her darling DD and needs alot of support and guidance. Some of us are alone and being both parents. Some of us have full time jobs, some of us are just struggling in general. So we do find it tough and want to find solidarity with others about it. I eye rolled hard when I saw her message, she did not read the room.

But why though? Why would you want to make her feel small and ashamed?

She’s entitled to her opinion, wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same? Perhaps she thinks telling people how she manages the homework will help some other parents, and perhaps it will. Just because you don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean you have to start an argument.

No. Silence speaks volumes!

Just ignore her. I imagine most of the mums are thinking the same as you but I wouldn’t say anything, it could come across bad.

Ignore it. You can be certain that most of the other moms are rolling their eyes at her. She sounds hugely insecure about something and I'm sure others see it too. Do people even acknowledge her tedious updates?

Don't do it. Don't. Do. It.

One mum just love hearted the message
That's it though

Wtf, why would you want to or ever try to make someone else intentionally 'feel this big'? Poisonous. Maybe that woman was being honest about her experience, maybe she wasn't, but you don't need to take someone's personal success as a dig at your own struggles

There’s always one mum like this 🙄 Best ignored otherwise you’ll feel inclined to reply every time she sends an irritating text - which will be at least once a month for the next ten years 😌 before DC becomes Prime Minister.

Lucky her, she's learnt to parent the children she has. It takes relatively little self awareness to realise that that doesn't make you either a parenting guru and you might just be lucky.

Wow, what happened in her life to make her so desperate to let everyone know what an excellent parent she is? It’s not exactly the behaviour of someone who’s genuinely secure about themselves.

She’d probably quite enjoy hearing that her situation (or at least the situation she claims to be in) is out of the ordinary – I’d stick with saying nothing but obviously work out who else in the group finds her unbearable and dissect her privately with them

Reply with a thumbs up.

👍🏻

I think theres a fine line between being honest and bragging. Some people don’t take it well when someone else’s child is very good at something and take it as a personal affront, some parents do take every opportunity to let the world know that their kid is spectacular.

Best policy is to not say anything either way.

But there will be probably be parents who’s kids are doing well with homework and want their kids to continue to be challenged but aren’t saying anything because they are happy with the status quo and don’t know how to put it without sounding like an asshole.

You see it as bragging but ask yourself why do some people boast in the first place?

Often with parents like this, it's because they're living through the achievements of their children because they don't feel happy and secure in their own lives.

No point in taking any of it personally.

Nah! Totally lone parent to two disabled and neurodiverse children here. Don’t bother responding. Simply stick pins in a voodoo doll. So much easier. 😅

Ah just ignore it, don't bait the bear as they say. School mums are of no consequence to your life. We've had it with school play, my DD got one of the main parts. I didn't say anything to anyone but another mum decided to announce her child had the other main part along with my DD. I wanted to crawl under a rock I don't do public displays of boasting.

Don’t reply. Her answer has annoyed you - but really who cares, it may be true it may be a humble brag / exaggeration, she may not realise she’s annoying some people, but also think about why she feels the need to “humblebrag”. Generally tend to find those who are happy with their lot don’t need to post or debate about it online. Turn in the mute button and in a few minutes you’ll forget about it

We have a much smaller group chat of mums who I'm actually friends with and so are our children. They all felt the same way as me

Whatever you do OP, DO NOT DO THIS.

I was also coming on to say put the passive aggressive 👍

@Starseeking get a grip

Honestly just ignore it . Or write on here what you would like to say ... or maybe that's not such a good idea.

Definitely ignore though. She's clearly doing it to brag otherwise it would not be written like that. But just step away from it . If you say anything you will be seen as the bad person.

No good can come from responding to her. Just leave it alone.

This. But the OP also brings back memories of lockdown when a loud minority of parents were moaning about the home learning which quickly turned into a competitive and laughing 'who is doing the least': "My Jack hasn't so much as touched a book or pencil in over a week! It's a good day if he's wearing pants! We've totally sacked it off - the school can do one if they say anything!". Anyone who spoke about finding it OK/managing what they could and trying to share tips and experiences (plus just looking for a bit of moral support with the difficulty of juggling it all) were shot down - it became an echo chamber. Soon others, who had been quietly muddling through up until then, started commenting along the lines of 'well, as everyone else isn't bothering, we won't either'. It was a hell of a shock to the first and latter group when school restarted and they found their DCs so far behind even those who had tried their best but only done a minimal amount (the most the parents could manage around work).
There needs to be the balance of everyone (respectfully!) sharing their experiences, and people need to not take every view different to theirs as an attack on their choices.

Oh, I would be tempted to reply too. But you need to hold back. Nothing good will come of a WhatsApp spat.