AIBU to insist my son has the suspension lifted?

[NightmareATschool]

First time in trouble for any kind of physical altercation

My son is in year 8 and yesterday was pinned to the ground, twisting his wrist behind his back as he went down ( we went to a&e to have it checked after school as swollen and bruised ) and was then held down by this boy.

My son is 5 foot 5 and the other pupil is at least 5 foot 9 and a lot bigger built.

The boy was pinning him down with his legs trapped underneath him and his holding both of his arms on my sons right arm ( fingerprint bruising is visible because of this ) so my son used his left arm to hit out and hit the boys head.

Boy then get off and walks across the playground and son sits on a bench holding his sore arm.

The boy then returns, runs at him from the side view and punches down on my sons head.

SLT state both to be suspended due to violence.

I have started absolutely not, that the violence is on completely different levels and one was very much in self defence and one was completely premeditated.

I’ve sent in the complaint from from the schools complain procedure policy and I’ve CCd the SEN governors as my son has ADHD.

This happened at 11am yesterday and he spent the entire day in isolation, only being allowed to go to the lunch hall to get something to eat and then return to isolation.
Surely this is punishment enough for defending yourself whilst pinned to the ground?

Thoughts?
Anything else I could do? Thanks

If there are reliable witnesses who all say the same thing then let the school and police investigate using that. Your son is allowed to use sufficient force to protect himself from injury, ie if he is attacked first he is allowed to use sufficient force to stop the attacker.

My son was attacked in a classroom during a lesson.... Badly enough he needed to go to a&e school didn't contact me until 90 minutes after what they kept referring to as an "incident" I followed up ever time with assault..

They were not interested at all and tried sweeping it under the rug until the police became involved, the hospital also did a referral.

Boy was eventually excluded

I’d be interested to know what started this altercation. I very much doubt that it started when one boy sat on another for no reason.
Your DS obviously reacted to being held down, but instead of pushing the other boy off, he chose to punch him in the head. That’s a very dangerous thing to do.

I work in schools and often I see the bully getting away with lots of unacceptable behaviour because the schools don’t really know how to deal with them anymore. It’s easier to deal with victims family and claim it’s was mutual, as they can be often more reasonable. We have one parent who after being called into the school about her child being a bully damaged lots of staff cars. The police didn’t do anything. The school avoid calling the parent in at all costs now, meaning he gets away with a lot more.

It’s bang out of order and you were right to challenge the school. It’s absolutely ridiculous do they not realise children are humans who feel panic and fear when someone is pinning them down not robots that you can programme to never hit back. I’d question the merits of trying to indoctrinate children not to defend themselves ever. Where does it end?

Slightly off topic but I wonder if it’s part of a wider problem that the laws on self defence seem very murky in this country. I was attacked by a woman on a tram (that I later learned had a long history of assaults) I had to be very careful with defending myself and everyone (bystanders and police) said I’d shown amazing restraint considering she literally tried to strangle me with a piece of my own clothing. The reason is because had I smacked her on the face I knew the police may have charged both of us. I’ve seen this kind of thing happen both to children and adults . Even as things were, the woman still tried to get me charge with assault!

My son saw his 2 friends kicking a water bottle around so joined them.
Not a water bottle from home but a clear one purchaser from the school canteen type one.
He didn’t realise it was this boys bottle as doesn’t know this boy at all.

He said he tried to push him off / punch his arms but he wouldn’t let go and he didn’t know what he would do next as he’s not familiar with him so just punched where he could with his free hand.

I would also be asking why you were not called immediately if your son was a) injured and needed treatment and b) if they considered the offence so bad he is being suspended they should have called you.

@NightmareATschool - I am so sorry for you and your son. My DS (when he was 9yo) was viciously attacked at school by a child that my DS had several run ins with. Each attack on him was unprovoked - the TAs bore witness to this. In the end, he attacked my son so viciously that the school called the police on this child (child was a year older, coming up to the age of culpability). The mum of this child actually had the audacity to text other parents to in an attempt to tarnish my son’s name and give the idea that it was my son causing these fights (again, the TAs were great because they could prove that he was not). In the end, we pulled my son out of the school but it took every last bit of strength not to march up to that mum and give her a piece of my mind! I would speak with the school and see if this attack was witnessed by a member of staff, ask the school what they will do to prevent future incidents and even contact the police about this. I hope your soon is on the mend soon

You can't insist anything

Punches to the head can be serious. I am guessing this is why the school are taking this line. The summary us your son was in a fight. He didn't start it according to him but nevertheless he punched someone in the head. I would expect the other student has a longer suspension but you won't be told that. If you send him in he may just have another period of isolation.

So your son and his friends started the altercation by kicking the other boys water bottle around

I really detest this idea that self-defence is violence, and should be punished in the same way as attacking someone. When this happens in schools it teaches children that they should be passive and submit to physical attacks by bullies.

@Nanny0gg It's assault. Speak to the police. I am sick of these school attacks.

^This, exactly.

Can someone please explain why a HT would choose not to report a crime to the police? Am I missing something here?

If I, as an adult, are assaulted, I have a right to use reasonable force to protect myself, and I would report this to the police.

Why is it OK to not report to the police that a child has been assaulted?

Sounds like your son and his friends were bullying the boy , by kicking his water around and the boy reacted .

YAAbsolutely NBU, I work in a school. I have seen (lower level) similar. It's very unfair, child A attacked by child B, A defends, both treated same, it's not fair at all.
Definitely push and complain about this.

So the timeline is that the OP's son and his friends were kicking another boy's water bottle around.

The other boy retaliated by being extremely violent to the OP's son who retaliated in turn.

There is no excuse for violence under any circumstance and suspension for both the violent boys would be the default for most schools. And quite rightly.

The school will also have taken into consideration that it was the OP's son's friends who had somehow initially obtained the other boy's water bottle and were kicking it around.

Not an excuse for the ensuing violence, but an explanation of why it happened.

What happened to the other boys who were involved in the water bottle incident @NightmareATschool ? Does your son have any idea why he was targeted and not them, given he only joined in later?

You're believing your son over what the school say, despite the fact that you weren't there?! Righty-oh!

absolute no previous bullying of your son by this boy op? your son ever even mentioned this other boy?

the policy they have referred to re violence… is it documented anywhere?

If SLT have given you this version of events, it's very unfair, and I agree you should report to the police as your son just defended himself and this child assaulted him.

You can't insist they remove the suspension, but you can treat it as a holiday and have a fun few days with your son, obviously around your work hours.

It’s understandable that you take your son's side, but you need to be cautious. Presumably you have only heard his version of events. There might well be another version, and as a teacher I can tell you that children don’t always tell their parents the full story.

It's good that you are following the school's complaints procedure. You could ask for a meeting with a senior person at the school and ask them to explain fully why they think your son was to blame. If you are not satisfied you could escalate it to the Chair of Governors or equivalent at the school.

Do stay calm and be reasonable, though. Just because your son is physically smaller and has ADHD, that doesn’t automatically absolve him from any blame. I suspect there might be more to it than you currently know.

Have you even bothered reading past the first post?

Yes.

i thought it was a sensible and balanced post from a teacher

@Buntycat OP said that SLT told her exactly the same, so its not "her sons version of events".