If you went NC with a parent did you ever regret it?

[Simpsonsfan]

I am struggling so much at the moment with whether to go NC with one of my parents. Currently we've had no contact for just over 2 months. They committed a harmful crime about 4 years ago which I've not been able to understand or really forgive them for but the way they've handled things since has also been poor. The last 4 years of my life have honestly been shit as a result of their actions while I've worked to get over the trauma they've caused me. The thing is until this all happened we were so close. And I do miss them. This is causing me torment every day. I don't really have anyone to talk to so I just wondered if anyone could share their experiences of going NC with a parent. Never thought I'd be in this position. I'm worried that when my parent dies, I'll have big regrets. Thank you x

Not so far, we’ve been in between no and low contact (family funerals, weddings, big birthdays really) since my late teens so around 20 years. Whenever there’s contact I’m so emotional, angry, sad, drained and I remember why I’m no contact.

I really miss my parent but I don't know if that means we should be in touch. I just want to stop feeling completely shit and awful and sad about it every day.

We went NC with MIL and FIL.
Haven't seen MIL since 2003 and FIL died in 2015. No regrets from DH at all. His life became considerably easier, less stressful and happier when he went NC.

What did you tell your children if you have any please?

The kids have never met them. They were born after we went NC which made life easier. We've since been honest with them when asked (as they are older teens now). MIL and FIL just are/were not great parents or people sadly.

I have been NC with one parent for over 20 years.

Genuinely no regrets. Not one.

I never once regretted but I was shocked at the strength of feeling when he died. It totally blindsided me tbh. I think it was the realisation that there would never be an opportunity to fix things. And he never met his first grandchild while conscious. But I still stand by the decision tbh.

I'm probably in a similar position to you OP but with my only sibling.
Been NC for 7yrs and I wouldn't say I miss them (was quite a stressful relationship) but I do massively worry about the future and regrets etc.

I know deep down that I had no real choice tho, the crime was too serious and there was no accountability or remorse.

I am not in contact with mine and ate up with guilt but it’s better than how I felt in contact and feels like I need to be like this at the moment

it’s a truly horrible situation

I'm NC with my father I did 2 years and then had a child. I felt he should know them. However I was wrong as he treated my DS in the same way as me. He spends 4 nights a week at my brothers with his children who lives in the next road to me. He drives past my house at least twice a day. I had enough when my son started asking questions so stopped 15 months ago. I don't regret it. My DS has forgotten him, he's 4 now. I explained to him some people aren't capable of love and we invest our time in the people who love us unconditionally. He took a while to understand this but did get it.

It can be quite brutal tbh. But it's a normal human reaction to wonder/question yourself at times. Doesn't mean you made the wrong decision though. It's not easy 😞

I struggle massively with the fact that my parent minimised their crime and does not seem to take accountability or acknowledge the massive lifelong trauma it has caused their children.

I went NC 7 years ago...
I still have sad days but I grieve what I should have had, not what I did have. I'm always envious of others relationships. I explained to my child (10) that my parents simply forgot how to be happy and kind and that's why we don't see them. It seemed the nicest way to explain a sad, heartbreaking situation.

Thank you for your replies, my heart is broken and it makes me feel a little less alone.

Never regretted it , stopped speaking to mine about 10years before they died , didnt go to the funeral and really wasnt bothered , probably helped they were as horrible whilst dying and in death as they were alive. Only you can know how you feel but for me, was a weight off my shoulders and meant my children were not subjected to them.

What was the crime?

I don't want to say on here.

I’ve been nc with one for about 5 years, vlc with the other. It was very painful at first but I started getting times where it was so peaceful. I still struggle periodically with guilt. Right now the first one is dying and I feel very little, although that may change of course. It’s a decision that only you can make. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Ah yes I think it's more the grieving of what should have been that is the worst.

I kind of feel like my life has split in two. Before the incident and after, I often think of things in this context.
It's very difficult OP, you are not alone

That's a really lovely way of explaining a very sad situation 💐

No regrets.
They’ve been dead 5 years
I didn’t attend the funeral either.

they actually got much worse at the end and I had multiple relatives trying to shame me into contact.

You do what you need to. Ignore the noise from others.

Never.
It was the best thing I could have done for myself.
🙂

I feel like this. My life before feels like someone else's, it's so different to the life I live now.

No regrets at all.

Not ever. Well apart from the fact she died 6 years later and left 400k to the next door neighbour who she’d known a couple of years 😂