DH not checking in when away

[Swiftie90]

DH is away overnight with work for the first time since I had DC1 6 weeks ago. He left this morning but hasn’t checked in with me all day. He’s out with clients this evening. Our DC is very colicky and it’s a nightmare settling them, so I thought he might at least send a quick message. AIBU?

Do you expect him to text whilst at work normally?

Well he doesn’t usually work away all night? This is the first time I’ve been with the baby all night alone. I thought he might actually care how we were getting on tbh!

He's been out with clients you say though, so he's been working

Well he worked from his office space, then checked into a hotel and presumably chilled for a bit, then went out? I thought in all that time he might have found 1 minute to send a message.

YANBU. Having a collicky 6 week old is very hard, and difficult for people who haven’t had a screamy baby to fully comprehend. So yes I think he should have made sure you’re okay.

YANBU. At all.

Why does he need to "check in"? He's only away for one night. If you are concerned about the baby, or anything else, then contact him! Because, like all of us, he will assume that "no news is good news".

YANBU

It doesn't take 30 seconds to send a quick check in text. Especially given you have a colicky newborn at home, I would have come to the conclusion that i wasn't important enough for 30 seconds of effort.

I agree with you OP.
It wouldn't have taken him a minute out of his schedule to send you a quick message. Your baby is only 6 weeks old for heavens sake. Wouldn't have cost him much to show he cares about you both.

YANBU, I would expect a text at the least!

@BeaRF75
Because he is a new parent? Because his wife might like to hear from him? Because he might want to know how his baby is doing?

When my eldest was a baby, dh worked abroad for one week in every 3 weeks. This was before mobile phones. He rang every single day, both morning and evening, to see how I was, how ds was and to make sure that we were ok.

How low is the bar for men? Of course he should have checked snd expressed moral support.

He knows that DC basically screams from 5pm until 10pm and I was dreading the evening so I’m disappointed he hasn’t checked that we’re ok. I feel like I would have done that, if it was me that was away

Good grief. How did we manage before mobile phones?

He's at work. He's not on a jolly or on holiday. And you're a grown up.

@saraclara
There were landlines. See my post above.

He’s ‘at work’ entertaining clients in a nice restaurant though? Not slaving away at a desk or in a frontline job.

And when not on mat leave we do a similar job! I know I have time to send a quick message. In fact I would have said to my clients, first night away from my baby, just need to check in etc etc. These clients knew I was pregnant and they sent a gift when DC was born

Yes. And it's funny how in being willing to get that bar as low as possible, so many women are happy to tell other women they're overly needy for expecting the man to do basic human interaction.

It's a long evening alone with a colicky baby. If my spouse couldn't be bothered to care enough to check in for at least a little moral support, he could fuck right off.

YANBU @Swiftie90

Hope the baby settles and you all get some sleep.

Does it matter if we managed before mobile phones? We have them now and it’s made life easier. It takes less than a minute to send a text. It’s just a nice thing to do for your wife who is on her own for the first time with a new baby.

People used landlines, or before that phone boxes. Hope that helps.

I doubt very much he's been working the entire time so much that he couldn't even send his wife a message. He could do that in less time than it takes the kettle to boil.

@saraclara
Did your cheap shot at the op give you joy??

"Grown ups" benefit from knowing they are loved as much as children and adolescents.
It sounds as though you think when you are "grown up" you are supposed to be hard as nails with no feelings.
Just because OP would like to hear from her DH doesn't mean she isn't coping.

Of course he should have texted, it takes a minute. So many mumsnetters won't leave their baby overnight until they are in secondary school and dad not checking in on 6 week old baby is weird and not nice

@saraclara Im ‘coping’ fine in the sense that we’re both alive and well, but it’s a looong evening with a screaming baby and I’m already feeling quite all over the place emotionally, because I’ve just had a baby?

I really don't think not getting a message for one night is that big of a deal
If he was away for a week, yes, but he's out working for one night

Maybe text him and say "hope everything is going well, baby is fine. See you tomorrow" and then make it clear you expect to hear from him when he's away

Some people don't think they need to be in constant contact