To not understand why parents are so unwilling to take my advice (tutor)?

[rosesinmygarden]

I'm a very experienced tutor and teacher. I tutor students for high stakes exams and have had excellent results and many happy customers for about 15 years.

I offer a lot for my price. Homework, lesson reports, parents' consults, extra resources and advice between sessions as well as years of experience tutoring students in the area. I do all this happily as I want my students to succeed.

Over the past couple of years I've noticed parents are becoming really unwilling to take on my advice. I'm constantly finding that they argue back and become very angry and accusative if I give constructive criticism/advice. They seem less and less willing to support their child or put any effort in, yet want stellar results. This exam requires a team effort for success. An hour a week with a tutor will not guarantee fabulous success for most. And why hire a tutor with my experience, then choose to ignore their advice or even accuse them of having an ulterior motive when they attempt to tell you something you don't want to hear?

I've been accused of all kinds lately and am finding that my results are slipping as a result of this change in attitude. It's really affecting my motivation. I've always loved my job but am finding it quite soul destroying at times lately.

I find that most parents are OK but you do get the occasional ones who regard you as 'the help'. They don't tend to last very long.

Welcome to education and fucking parents

We had a tutor for 11+, she didn't do any of the contract or progress reports etc u mention. Dont waste yr time on it, just teach the kids. Ppl in a lot of walks of life seem a lot more entitled this aide of covid

Many parents have become lazy at parenting & can't be bothered to put the effort in. My sister (teacher) has noticed a massive attitude drop / lack of respect in parents over the years. It's tge parents, nit you, who are the problem.

Hi,

change your clients, change your presentation at first meeting and indicate that the student need to work outside of the hour and that you expect the parents to chip in the 100s hours you are not present in their home.

Could that be an « age thing » too? As you get older, they try to put a different role onto you hence it is part of your job now but weren’t before? The expectations of others link to age can be very sudden and a nice trap :/

good luck op!

Out of curiosity...how much studying do you think a child should do each evening?

I suggest the following for yr 5s prepping for 11 plus.

Sept to Xmas - 30 mins to 1 hour per week.
Jan to Easter - 1 hour per week
Easter to July - 1 hour to 1.5 hours per week
Summer holidays - 30 mins a day, 5 times a week

I suggest this, knowing there will be weeks it doesn't happen or is cut short.

I don't think it's massively onerous for those who claim they're desperate for a place at a highly competitive super selective grammar.

Interesting. We tend to do a bit of work most evenings and have books to read in the car in case we get stuck in traffic. I wondered if I wasn't doing enough but I'm satisfied that's not the case. Thankyou 😊
And no I agree, they should want to have more input.

This seems quite a lot. What happens to the DC once they get a place at highly competitive super selective grammar when they have needed so much tutoring to get in?

For highly selective grammars that doesn’t seem excessive work at all frankly. We probably did around that but with more sessions at end of summer and early September doing papers under timed conditions which was a couple of hours a few times a week.

That schedule is what the OP is suggesting the child studies for, not the amount of tutoring they require.

In my school days people used to believe in education for its own sake. Now it seems only a means to an end, a commodity. You can pay someone else to do it for you. And some parents just outsource their parenting.

This isn't a crazy amount of time over a week, but it has always struck me that if a Y5/6 child needs soooo much time being coached up to standard to pass an exam at this stage - surely they will need to multiply that effort level up all the way through to GCSE & A level to do well at that level too?

If they're not getting enough out of the curriculum teaching in class time to pass 11+ with the raw material they have, is it not setting them up for 5 years of misery & excessive hours trying to keep up, if they're not actually academic enough to take it on in the first place?

Really don’t know what parents expectations are these days.
I explained to my boys now in their 30/40,s discipline was necessary to learn right from wrong.
i have just had same conversation with my 8 year old grandson
what are peoples expectations these days.
work together to get things right not against. !
try not to be disheartened hopefully the majority appreciate your efforts

I can't speak for the rest of the country, but where I am the 11+ takes place in the first week of y6 but can cover maths from the whole y6 curriculum. Many children won't have been taught many of the concepts yet in school. The tests also focus 2/3 on maths and reasoning (even the "verbal" reasoning can feature number sequences for some unfathomable reason) so if your child is naturally stronger in word-based subjects, they might need extra help to get through the maths exam that gets them into a school that teaches said word-based subjects to a higher level. Even really intelligent people have strengths and weaknesses.

Hi! 11+ tutor here.
i have a mini “agency” - a few tutors who support me and we just get kids into schools basically.
I completely agree with everything you’ve said OP. Parents are utterly delusional when you’re just trying to manage expectations and take some pressure off these poor kids.
I also agree that parents are lazy and don’t understand that by paying a tutor to do an hour or so a week with their child -you’re paying for guidance essentially and teaching the tricky parts. The actual revision, practice etc is all from outside of lessons with parents marking test papers and checking things over with their child… so tutors can then spend the time troubleshooting and teaching rather than getting them to do the work in the lessons.
in summary.. parents can be delusional and very lazy. I’m with ya!

I thought this too.
And not the only spelling mistake on this thread from tutors / people who said they'd practised spelling with their kids!

I know. It still seems quite a lot.

I expect you're doing a grand job OP. I expect lots of parents just want you to make their kid get top marks, as they think 'thats what they are paying for' which of course isn't how it works - it takes commitment from the kids and also sometimes the parents, and also you can only maximise the ability of each child. No matter how hard I'd have worked or how good a tutor was I'd never have gotten top marks in maths, for example, passing was a joy for me cause I'm shit at maths!!

I think there's a lot of defensiveness and ego you're having to face.

My year 2 child does 20 minutes of studying a day. I don’t see how 30 minutes a day for a Y5 trying to get into a grammar could be too much, especially as it’s only in the summer holidays before the exams.

To be honest I think every child would benefit from half an hour of daily study over the summer holidays anyway!

Different people have different priorities. Sometimes if you have a goal, you have to put in extra work to get there.

Some students do more than this, some do less. It's a suggestion, not a demand.

Most primary schools do not teach VR or NVR. The 11 plus also contains questions in a specific style. The technique needs teaching and practising, even if the child is already bright. The Maths often goes beyond what is taught at school for year 5.

We all have different priorities and goals. 11 plus isn't the right route for everyone.

When they get into secondary the homework increases for all it seems. My dd just started year 7 and so I have heard from her friends parents that have dc in different schools that the homework has increased a lot. It used to be 30 minutes a week of work occasionally more to now 30 minutes a day.

Does anyone know why they test material that kids havent been taught? I appreciate that it might be different when it comes to vocab etc but with maths if you haven't been shown a concept, you won't just magically figure them out. Same with NVR and VR - you have to get tutored for that or you won't pass.