To ask if you think this was too harsh?

[myladybelle]

Second guessing myself and looking for opinions on whether this was an appropriate consequence for my 6 year old DS.
Yesterday evening before bed he was upset about something and hit me; as well as threw a small toy at my head. He didn't have school today and went out with our babysitter to soft play, and would usually get an ice cream afterwards. I told him in the moment he wouldn't get an ice cream tomorrow (today).
Today he woke up asking about the ice cream and crying and saying sorry. I'm still stuck at work so don't know how the day went but feeling really conflicted about it. Probably because I had to leave the house to crying and remorseful DS.
Too harsh?

Not at all. Actions have consequences.

Too harsh because of his age and the time between the action and the consequence.

Not at all. And I am a softie

Not at all.

Perfect to explain it's ok to have big feelings. We all have them.

But hurting people because you have big feelings has consequences.

Delayed punishments aren't much use at age 6. In future I'd try find a more immediate natural consequence.

Definitely not. The time scale is not relevant here

Too long a delay between action and consequence. So yes harsh.

No, you absolutely need to follow through when you've said there will be a consequence, otherwise your DS will grow up to think you don't mean what you say and so he can treat you as pleases. When how he treats you involves hitting you its especially important. It might not seem a huge problem at 6, but it will at 16. Teach him young and teach him firmly.

He hit you and threw a you at your head and you're worried about him missing an ice cream , jeez

Toy

Not too harsh, from what you've said he threw the toy straight before bed so it wouldn't have been possible to set and follow up on an appropriate consequence immediately.

He's still spent the day at a soft play today having fun with a small reduction to that fun being that he can't have an ice cream afterwards. I think that's reasonable.

Yes too harsh. Such a delayed and totally unrelated consequence is not helpful to learning lessons at age 6.

Natural, immediate consequences much more effective.

Let him earn one at the weekend with good behavior for the rest of the week

Well he'll certainly remember this, and with any luck he won't hit you again.

So he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions, and you’re punishing him for his outburst, despite that when that’s the only way he knows how to deal with his big feelings, you should punish yourself by denying yourself an ice cream

Not too harsh at all. He's old enough to understand he shouldn't hit you and old enough to understand punishment can be delayed.

How should she punish him, then? He’s got to realise he can’t do things like that without consequences.

absolutely spot on, I would say, and any way, you have told him the punishment now, don't back down or he will think he can hit you, then cry to get out of the consequences

Not too harsh, but not what I would have chosen. At 6 I think it needs to be something more immediate and it's not really fair on the babysitter to have to deal with that.

Once you've assigned a consequence, I think you do need to follow through, so I'd stick with it this time. In the future I'd have a think and come up with a list of consequence options, so you're now having to think of something on the spot.

For those saying this was not appropriate, genuinely asking how you would have dealt with it? It was bedtime - last thing to do literally lay down in bed and close eyes so not sure what immediate consequence I could have done?

people saying he needs immediate punishment, no he doesn't. Absolutely fine to have a delay. Its the parents that need an immediate consequence, not the kids, as they are likely to soften, and/or forget!

It was just before bed, so in our house that would mean loss of the big bedtime story (we used to have a big one, a little one and a song around that age).

What absolute nonsense. If he doesn't know how to deal with 'his big feelings' then that's a work in progress. But lesson one is to learn how NOT to deal with them. What about the next time 'the only way he knows' he hits another child? Or throws something at an animal? This child's feelings are not the most important thing here. Pteventing a child growing up to be violent is. No wonder we have threads of teens terrorising their parents if this is the thinking.

So the baby sitter had to deal with and carry out the punishment?

I don't understand this argument, he clearly does understand it's a delayed punishment as he was still aware of it the next day. He's old enough to link the action to the consequence.

I think it was just right and it's a good sign he was remorseful, it shows he understands he was wrong. Still, I'd give him a big cuddle and have a quick chat about it tonight.