Is this right that I can’t go on holiday without ex agreeing?

[Pertue]

I have told ex me and dd (4) are going to Italy for a week in July. He hasn’t responded. It’s not during a time he would usually see her or anything like that (he sees her ad hoc, his choice, I tried to have a schedule). Am I not allowed to take her unless he agrees?

Who is going to stop you?

Does ex have parental responsibility? If so he could cause an issue if he refuses to give agreement.

This owuld appear to explain everything - depends on if he also has parental responsibility and on any court order already in place:

https://www.newtons.co.uk/news/do-i-need-my-ex-partners-permission-to-take-my-child-abroad/

He is on the birth certificate. No other arrangements in place.

Does he see her?

Technically, yes he does. They may ask you for a letter of permission. In my experience they only do this if you and DD have a different surname. My DS and I have the same surname and I have never once been asked to see a letter from his dad.

Do you have a court order? As that could make a difference.

I have one and it specifically states that I am allowed to take the kids out the country as long as it is for no longer than 2 weeks without agreement.

Ex-husband still has parental resposibility, and a 'live with - live with' order where he gets them EOW, but he can't decide to throw a strop and stop the kids having a holiday as long as it's not over 2 weeks in my case.

If he's on the birth certificate then, yes, he does have to give permission and could tell the police he thinks you're trying to abduct her if you try to leave the country without his permission

@Beezknees who is it who could ask?

surname starts with my surname but is hyphenated with his

"In my experience they only do this if you and DD have a different surname. My DS and I have the same surname and I have never once been asked to see a letter from his dad."

How have you experienced it then? I have a different name to my kids, travel loads, never been asked. A friends daughter works for border control at an airport and says she has asked only once and that was because the woman was behaving extremely erratic and acting like she didn't even know the child.

My ex SIL has just taken her kids away without ‘consent’ from my brother. He refused to give it because he’s a dick and a control freak. The kids have his surname so she took their birth certificates with her. No one even checked.

Get a Child Arrangement order (£230 plus a mediation session) so you can take dd for holidays up to 28 days without ex’s permission.

He could have contacted border control so that the kids were stopped from leaving the country.
There’s somebody on here whose ex did this and the family were taken for questioning in a side room.

Different names on DD passport and mine and I've never had an issue. I always pack her birth certificate but again, never needed it. This has been both within and outside of Europe.

I did phone my solicitor the first time and they said just to send an email informing my ex I was taking her out of the country as its then on him to take legal steps to stop me if he wanted. He didn't but I've never done it since and we've been out of the country 15 or so more times since. I know places like Canada can be an issue and I always check the countries legislation before booking but honestly nobody has ever batted an eyelid.

Technically yes. Border control have asked my DC a few times who they're travelling with, and I've had to produce my residency order to prove they live with me (and don't need ex's permission to take them on holiday).

Not worth risking being turned back at the airport over a couple of hundred quid to get the paperwork done.

Definitely depends on the country, and maybe even who is asking, sometimes you might get waved through sometimes not. DH certainly had to provide a letter every time his DD entered or left Australia for example.

I've taken my DD to a variety of places without her dad (we are divorced) including France, Norway and Greece. I don't tell him unless it interferes with his parenting time. No-one has ever asked me. We don't have a court order. As I understand it Germany are the only country that care.

Am taking DD to Italy on holiday in the summer and wasn't planning on taking any letters.

Officially you need a consent letter from him but nobody asked me for that when I flew with my DD twice. Only once at one border the official asked about my kid's other parent and I told him why we are travelling and that was that.

And he could then have said he thought she was abducting the children as he had not given permission for her to leave the country...

It's not always about being asked at border control (which is more likely with different surnames or if your children are of mixed ethnicity) but the fact the other parent could report you for abduction. Nothing might well come of it in terms of charges but its still a scary experience for both you and the child(ren) to be taken aside by security/police for questioning

What is a residency order? Dd has always lived with me but nothing in writing or via court?

Ex would never report for abduction but he is terrible with communicating

Will it help that her surname is mine first, then hyphenated with his?

Nothings going to happen.

Only on MN are people (imagining) being interrogated by the police at European borders.

It's not "only on MN"

It does happen.