Is this right that I can’t go on holiday without ex agreeing?

[Pertue]

I have told ex me and dd (4) are going to Italy for a week in July. He hasn’t responded. It’s not during a time he would usually see her or anything like that (he sees her ad hoc, his choice, I tried to have a schedule). Am I not allowed to take her unless he agrees?

Yes, I'm married. As I said before - I always take proof of relationship to the children, occassionally get asked additional questions, but have never had to prove that Dh has given permission (except in SA, but that's a specific case with specific requirements).

I've taken DS abroad at least once every year for 14 years and have only ever had questions asked twice, upon return. Neither time did I have to provide a letter of consent although I've had one, and just his birth certificate once, which I always take. We've never gone out of the EU although we are this year.
So while technically yes you do need written permission or a court order, I don't think many people have ever been asked to provide it.

I flew a lot from USA to UK with my DD from about 9 months old - same name but different passports at the time as I had a UK one and she has a US one - always too a letter with me from DH but was never asked for it.

Ive never been asked in 29 years, neither has my mum and she's taken them away a few times

Ex lives in a different country so dc go out there 4 or 5 times a year and have been asked once who they were travelling with

Not true.

I agree with PP - Germany is quite strict with this.

I was travelling with my DS to Poland with a connecting flight in Frankfurt/Berlin a couple of times and was asked for dad's permission to travel in writing everytime. We're married and all have the same surname.

Yep, every single time before DS was 18 we would be questioned. Before he looked like a mid teen I had to produce his birth cert a couple of times and one time the letter of consent. All at Heathrow or Gatwick. Different surnames.

I thought if it was just a family holiday for a few weeks then you didn't need permission.

I stand corrected

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Having the same surname doesn’t “prove” the kids are yours either.

could be grandparents, aunts, cousins, or completely unrelated if you have a common surname. None of whom have PR and can’t take kids abroad without permission.

bottom line is having the same surname doesn’t exempt you from having the documentation. So carry it regardless if you want to be sure.

I have. See my above comment

Yes and me.

Utter bollox !

I have written this more than twenty times over the years because it will never leave me.

Neighbour and our six kids (both LP at the time) on our way to S Africa for a safari thanks to a small inheritance for her and a bonus from work for me. The level of excitement was off the scale.

We were both stopped AT UK BORDER CONTROL not some 'evil forin country'.. I had a letter from ex. I had told her to get one but didn't want the hassle. Border control fell over backwards trying to make it happen - even said they would accept a fax from him .. but he refused. (Acrimonious divorce and handed an opportunity to stick it to her)

There will be piles of people saying ' oh I have been to Timbuktu and back every week for 10 years and never been stopped' It's irrelevant !

Just as you can shoplift and 'get away with it' .. one day you will be caught. It's not an 'opinion' it's the LAW. Don't risk it. £215 for a CAO if you can't get a letter.

I always take a letter with my giving me permission to take my kids on holiday from my ex as we have different surnames. Also carry birth certificates, marriage & divorce certs. Not been asked once

I have travelled a lot with my daughter and always carry a letter and her birth certificate (our last names are different). I have never been asked to show the letter in any country but I have been asked to prove I am her mother on many occasions (including Italy) but I’ve never had any issues once I’ve shown her birth certificate.

What are you talking about?? I never said commit fraud, and it wasn't airport security we were getting on a cruise. I explained to the lady who challenged me that I could have written the letter and she would never have known it was not genuine.

Now in fairness I didn't stipulate that I rang my ex, she spoke to him, I showed her all of the WA messages we had exchanged - most relating to our holiday and that he emailed her as well.

My fault, that would have given more context, but I never suggested the OP sign a letter like that on her ex's behalf.

You should be ok for a two week holiday with a booked return, unless you're really unlucky.

I live & work overseas with 3dc, & have been stopped multiple times when they were younger.

My employer flies us to Forn Parts each August, then back to UK each June.

So if we did a Xmas or Easter visit to UK family, with me paying for the flights, the 'outbound' flight was to the UK, & the 'return' was to a hot, sandy place that isn't a Hague signatory...with no evidence that we were ever returning to the UK.

Me with 3 UK passport bearing minors & no other parent in sight.

We used to routinely get stopped, despite all having the same name.

I would have to prove that we were ordinarily living overseas - not just the court order stating this but residency cards, kids' school reports, kids questioned - family joke was that everyone resisting the temptation to say 'NO SHE ISN'T OUR MUM, HELP' got double pocket money...

I'm glad they're vigilant tbh. I'm also glad I now have 3 hulking 6' young adults & am spared the hassle & delays these days 😆.

But you should be fine with your holiday! It's people like me that look dodgy 😁

They don't check. Just have a signed letter, do a different signature. My DD does carry her court papers (sole PR) , but she hasn't been asked. If your Dad will answer the phone if needed, put his number. I've only ever heard of people being stopped on here. The majority of the Mums I know are LPs/different surname. Carry her BC, going to Europe, you'll be fine.

You don't need to this. You need a copy of DD's birth certificate. I wasn't even asked for a letter from DH but did have one. If you have the same name (or partially) I doubt you will be stopped at all.

They may ask you for a letter of permission. In my experience they only do this if you and DD have a different surname. My DS and I have the same surname and I have never once been asked to see a letter from his dad

how can you have experience of this if you have the same surname as your child?

OP, I have travelled with my kids a fair bit and never been asked to produce a letter. I do have a court order for residence, however, but have never had to show it. The only issue I have had is coming back into the UK where passport control asked my son who I was. They were happy with him saying ‘my mum’ so that was it. I carry our birth certificates just in case but didn’t even have to show those.

I have 4 kids with 3 different surnames (none of them are the same as mine) and I've traveled with them several times and never once been asked for any proof of permission, birth certificates or anything else.

I have taken mine DD away many many times both in Europe and outside, we have different surnames on our passports. Her Dad is on her birth certificate but has been no contact since she was a baby. I have never been questioned leaving the country however when she was younger we would always get questioned on returning (upon returning to England). They would generally ask her who I was which completely confused her every time, sometimes they would ask for her birth certificate.

I've never had any problems. My DD has a different name to me. I used to take birth certificate with me. I was never stopped. No one ever asked. I'd just go and not worry about it.

Faking a letter is fraud...

And as we are on about plane travel here, advice to "make a fuss" as it were is not the same. Heck even on a cruise, depending where, the border control could take a dim view to you telling them you'd go and fake documents to enter...

And it certainly sounded like you now carry a faked letter

@Butwhatabout the bees I think I have not expressed myself very well. I said to the lady who stopped me that I could nip around the corner and come up with that letter after I pointed out to her that what she was looking for was not conclusive evidence particularly as ex had sent a mail, offered to speak and I showed her our WA messages. I don't condone fraud, I wasn't behaving fraudulently, no intention of behaving fraudulently.
In fairness it is a sore point for me, so probably being too sensitive but it really, really annoys me that I have been stopped twice and Dad has never been stopped.
Appreciate that I may not have been clear in my first, or subsequent message.
Hopefully this one clears it up?

I have family in SA , my kids have been travelling there with me and actually more times just with their gps and none of us have ever been stopped .

If you have a dick head ex then you should get permission, I still think from experience being asked is rare though