Is this right that I can’t go on holiday without ex agreeing?

[Pertue]

I have told ex me and dd (4) are going to Italy for a week in July. He hasn’t responded. It’s not during a time he would usually see her or anything like that (he sees her ad hoc, his choice, I tried to have a schedule). Am I not allowed to take her unless he agrees?

You can go on holiday without him agreeing… you just can’t take his child out of the country - don’t you think that is right though? Would you be happy for him to take your child to another country even if you disagreed?

Never once got asked if I had my ex's permission to take the kids abroad in 18+ years. I sometimes got asked my relationship to them as we have different surnames, they were always happy to see their birth certificates as proof of our relationship, this only ever happened once on the way out of the country, it happened most times returning though!

No idea where ex is (he popped out to get some lunch 225 months ago, I'm expecting him home any time now!) so never could ask for permission.

Never once asked for a letter and oldest is a teen. Name on birth certificate that's it. Had many good holidays abroad and no problems

It’s really not only on mumsnet. I’ve been asked multiple times, both when traveling alone with my own children and when I took their friend with us. Germany, Spain, Italy.

I do wonder if all these PP saying "ah I just do it" would feel quite the same if their Ex then did the same

I have been on holiday with my DC in Europe - I have taken their birth certificate (as we have different names) but never been asked to see them.

Legally he does have a right to refuse and I think you're meant to have a letter of consent but I, personally, have never had an issue or been asked to prove their identities or permission.

To add an interesting anecdote...just after I left the immigration job I took a group of kids from Italy to the UK for a study holiday. As the kids were all 14+, I didn't need any consent from their parents leaving Italy, as at that time (not sure now) once you were 14, no consent was needed. I did need consent for my own child who was 7. I also needed consent to bring the 14 year olds into the UK but the Italian authorities locally just didn't know what to give me. So we made up some blurb together.
(I was only asked about my own child)

It absolutely does happen. I have been asked multiple times to produce proof of relationship when travelling alone with my kids when they were younger. I carried a copy of their birth certificates and their dad's passport copy. It was mainly coming back to the UK that was an issue, but that also wasn't helped by us all have EU passports and not UK passports.

It would be less likely though in this instance as the child has the mother's surname too, mine didn't.

Having said that on my return to England my DC were asked who I was, they replied 'mummy' and that was that.

Proof of relationship, yes. But were you asked to produce a written consent from your spouse to travel with children? People on her who say "I've been asked" are being asked to prove their relationship to the child. Nothing more. Not a single person on here, unless I missed it has been asked for a letter to say the other parent consents for the kids to travel.

Anecdotal evidence only (I don’t have a kid myself but I volunteer admin an immigration rights forum here) and just for info, it seems Greece began to get a lot firmer on this (where names don’t match) since the UK started implementing post-Brexit controls in 2021. Which is ironic really since it’s not legal for Greek women to take their husbands’ names.

I've been asked twice and I'm married to their father! (Once was before I changed my name to his, and the other time after)

Same child I've been asked for was also asked loads of questions last time we flew together. (Basically every detail on her passport... where she was born, date of birth, her middle name...). Shes been asked who I am, or who her dad is. Or where her dad is.
Her sister is never asked anything

However it is relatively unlikely.

Eta... by asked I've been asked to show paperwork.

But he did not disagree. He didn't acknowledge the message. Taking kids on a holiday is not the same as kidnapping them out of the country, ffs. any reasonable parent should be fine with that and not need to give formal permission.

Yes, you've missed it.

This is incorrect. I have been specifically asked for letter of authorization. That was in Germany.

It's not quite the same as the DC lives with their mum full time going by what the OP said and dad sees them and hoc so he would absolutely need permission as it wouldn't be within 'his time'.

It doesn't make any difference who lives where.
Checks are made when a lone adult is crossing a border with a child. Or, to put it another way, a child is crossing a border WITHOUT both parents being present. That's what triggers the check.

I was responding to PPs question about how people who are saying 'just do it' would feel if the dad were to do it. Not the legality of it.

I missed you putting that on this thread previously too so it wasn't just the pp that missed it!

Did you have a letter of authorization? How can they check its authenticity?

Monitored by who and what out of interest?

OP, I'd just message and ask him to send you a message /letter which he agrees to. You could even word it for him if he doesn't like admin.

I have to say though in the years of taking my kids abroad (we do have the same surnames), no questions have been asked. Last year my children even did two channel crossings in 48hrs (one with their dad and one with me) and nothing was questioned.

At least one PP has mentioned travelling with a group where 2 people were asked for the letter

Passports at check in usually.
That's obviously where something would be flagged if the other parent had objected and the travelling parent hadn't been informed.
API prior to check in.
UK passport numbers "hide" a lot of information including how the holder acquired their British Citizenship etc.

None of which is obviously a common occurrence. But it could happen and does happen.

I did have a letter, yes. It has the other parent’s full contact details and also passport number. So, if they want to, they can check directly with him. Of course it could be an elaborate ruse with made up phone number, but in this case I was very glad I had it.

another friend was denied boarding when flying to South Africa as she did not have the children’s full birth certificates with her. SA has particular rules to prevent trafficking. People should use govt sources, and double check any country specific requirements with the consulate or FCDO for more potentially problematic countries.

Like others have said, technically yes. You are supposed to have a letter from him and both yours and child birth certificates.

Type a letter and sign it ....who's going to know 🤔