To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Not surprised she was still hungry. This is a lunch a dieting adult would have. Jeese.

I’d reply, ‘I would have appreciated a heads up re. xxx diet advance of her staying here. In order to prevent a recurrence of this situation your best bet is to seek childcare elsewhere’.

Well, I think you were wrong. I'm surprised at posters who think you weren't.

If a mum leaves a lunch for their child it's possibly because they don't want them being fed anything else.

I'd not be happy about a child being fed 'red velvet' cake from Costco partly as it's full of blinking artificial colourings and God knows what.

But that's me.

As a one-off I'd probably not say much but I think you were wrong not to understand that some parents don't want their child eating certain food.

You can't judge if her child was hungry. She was more likely curious about your food and if she rarely has cake then of course she'd want some and more!

Sorry but you were in the wrong, making decisions about what to give another parent's child when food had been provided - for that very reason I expect!

Oh don't be so silly. I'm an adult and that food would be enough for me. Just shows how everyone is so overweight if you think that's not much of a lunch.

This is an odd one. If she was on a special diet then yes, a heads up would have been nice. But to be honest l'd probably raise my eyebrows at the amount you gave her, diet or not - I'm not sure I'd think to specify 'please don't give her double the amount of food and adult amounts of cake and popcorn' but I'd certainly be surprised.

The way she's responded is very aggressive though so there's clearly a deeper issue going on. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it, it was a one-off and if she doesn't like it then I guess you don't have to worry about being the childcare any longer!

Sounds like mummy has food issues. And is rude AF.

Don’t do her a favour again.

I do think the text from her Mum was too strongly worded and she could have said it better. And phoned you rather than a text.

But, I thought it was understood amongst parents that if they provide food, it's very strong hint that they want them to eat that and not something the babysitter might offer.

You don't seem very wise to unspoken behaviour.

Food issues?

Because she gives her child a healthy lunch and isn't impressed with her being given an additive-laden cake from a supermarket?

I think you need to see the other side.

Reminds me of one of my brothers friends , his parents where vegans and they had their children on that diet as well . At birthday parties the child used to steal the party food from the other children and it came to a stage that in school they'd take the other children's lunches. It was actually quite sad.

If the mum only wanted her to have the packed lunch - she should have said you are not a mind reader.

I tend to find children who over eat on play dates have parents with very strict food rules and the kids have a poor relationship with food unfortunately.

This is unkind.
Op was doing a favour for a friend - a babysitter has connotations she was doing a job she was hired for.
ops child is 2 years old and the mum knew that - not much chance for play dates without parents.
I have 17 year old twins and have had lots of other kids over over the years - and this unspoken rule is not something I am aware of

No good deed goes unpunished. I'd reply saying you was only to help and make her comfortable. But as she is dissatisfied it's best if you don't have her again.

Or just a simple. Sorry I was trying to help, my mistake, it won't repeat it.

Then if she asks again 'sorry I cant' with nothing more.

She clearly has zero self awareness and a incredibly rude and entitled CF who can try her manners on someone else

Well then the mother needs to say at the outset that she wants her child to eat the food she's provided and she's not allowed anything else. And OP can decide if she still wants to look after her child on that basis (i would find it difficult to tell a hungry child in my care they're not allowed any more food when the rest of us were eating so I wouldn't volunteer to do that.)

I think you should reply and say why you offered the additional food.

However I can see why she is a bit miffed. She provided lunch and it sounds like the child was over fed. Technically two lunches, two slices of cake and popcorn. That’s a lot of food. A slice of cake as a treat fair enough, but certainly not two. Those Costco cakes are massive.

No it’s unkind to deprive her from food you were eating for no good reason. If the mum doesn’t like it she can get somebody else to look after her child- for free!

That lunch is not a proper lunch for a child. Children's needs and adult's needs are very different. The child asked for food because her chicken and grape "lunch" did not satisfy her hunger. My children are rakes with visible ribs. Every meal includes healthy starch to fuel their growth and their brains so they have the energy to function.

"Tonnes of sugar" hahahaha, bit of an exaggeration! Have a bit of perspective. It was cake. I have genuinely seen children on the school drop off eating haribos at 8.45am. That I would raise an eyebrow at. Cake after lunch? Completely normal. Not "tonnes" at all. I find some attitudes to food really quite worrying. The attitudes of our parents really rub off on us. You only have to look at the "almond mom" trend on Instagram to see that demonising food has the complete opposite effect.

I had a friend like this.
When the child got older it got REALLY problematic. Rather than a packed lunch it became ‘she’s had lunch, no more food please’. By nine I’d close the door behind her mum and the child was stand stock still and refuse to do anything else until I fed her. Nothing fancy, toast or a banana. Mum would get cross, but even if I agreed with the no food rule the child would literally fixate on being fed. She’d quickly get to tears. She didn’t gorge on food though, a banana was fine for the rest of the day. She was active. She did seem though to develop a true anxiety as well as being actually hungry.
I tried not having her at meal times/ having her at meal times. In the end it became the wedge that stopped play dates as it was stressful.
The child was slim back then. Now the child is a very obese teenager with clear food issues so it hasn’t panned out well.

You have no idea .
It could have been a whole chicken breast. That's enough for an adult.
Likewise, there could have been 50-100 gms cheese.

There was 'healthy (ish) starch' if you read- a Soreen bar.

Just because there wasn't any bread in the lunch doesn't mean it wasn't enough. It's quite possible to eat healthily and not have 'starch' at every meal by which I assume you mean carbohydrates and wholefood ones- wholemeal bread, brown rice or pasta, not processed white rubbish.

The point is that if you are giving extra food to someone' s child you check first.

The OP should have either not offered food OR called the mum to ask.

'I'm giving my daughter red cake etc. is it okay if yours has some too?'

The thing is, your 2 year old DC is probably half the size of this 7 year old. I'd be seriously concerned that your friend is making her daughter diet inappropriately, which just isn't healthy at this age.

You have no idea of the quantity.

OP said chicken breast.

Would you say a whole chicken breast and maybe 100gms cheese wasn't enough?

And it's completely missing the point.

It's not up to the OP to decide what someone feeds their child.

Nor us.

The point is she was given a lunch box. That was a for a REASON.

Are people so dim they can't join the dots and understand why?

If she'd wanted to top it up she should have contacted the mum.

The lunch box sounds more of a snack than a meal. no wonder she was still hungry.
on the off occasion someone else looks after my toddler I’m happy for them to do it however suits them.

when my toddler is having a temporary intolerance I’ll mention it and provide alternatives and some extras just in case they want more ( including treats in case the family looking after my child are having treats) And fine if they want something different not affecting their intolerance . I want to make it as easy as possible for whoever is looking after my child. Happy and safe and secure.

You did nothing wrong , we're helping your friend and acting as a good host to her daughter. Her reaction is ungracious . If her DD had allergies she should have told you which is on her .
Isn't it good for DC to have different experiences ?

It absolutely doesn't at all. You know we are all different shaped and sizes, have different metabolism right? Most adults, and growing children would be hungry shortly after that. But if you're 4ft nothing and weigh 3 st wet through yes it might be sufficient calories. However if we actually worked it out, and added a healthy breakfast and dinner, I'd imagine it's not sufficient calorie wise for an average healthy child, or adult.

Definitely this. She hardly provided a proper lunch for a 7 year old did she. Kid sounds half starved to me.