To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Good, don’t. She doesn’t deserve a response after what she has done, nasty little madam.

I’d reply I’m sorry, I just treated her like any child. Perhaps I should have checked but usually parents mention if there are any health issues with food, I’m not a mind reader?

and maybe add something nice like she seemed to have a great time.

i don’t roll over when others are rude though.

If a parent asks me to look after their child and then clearly interrogates the child afterwards about what and how much they ate I don't look after that child again.

I get that people have different diets and rules around food that may be stricter than mine, but that message is incredibly rude given you'd provided her with childcare and I would absolutely not be helping her again.

People need to get over themselves.

If the child has a tendency to overeat when offered treats, there were better ways for her mother to mention this. She could have simply said next time (if there was a next time) that Y sometimes eats more than she really should and will then have a stomachache, so could you please only give her the food she provides. That would've been okay. There was no need to be so confrontational after the damage (if any) was done. I wouldn't rush to help her again.

I wouldn’t bother replying, the mum was rude and if the DC did have allergies or need gluten free food etc she should have mentioned it.
It was a play date not a paid for child care service.

In fairness I think OP was right to let her have either some of the dinner OR some cake OR some popcorn.. but not all three, it was obviously done in kindness, but was extremely misguided IMO, and if it made the girl ill which it very well could have done which is what would make the mum question what she'd eaten, I'd be pretty annoyed, as it really isn't in the girls best interest to give her all that, even if she asked for it

But it didn't make the child ill. Stop with the pointless what-ifs. She didn't finish the second slice of cake so knows how to regulate her eating. And by the way, how do you tell a child she can only have some of what you're eating all? What's the justification?

OP, I think you at least need to let the Mum know that what she's packed in her lunch box isn't enough and that the child was still hungry

For the child's sake. Before her mother makes her go hungry again

You did nothing wrong. Though I probably wouldn't have given another slice of cake personally, I'd never take issue with a friend/family member doing that as a one off. It's a non-issue!

I will say my best friend as a child and one of my dd's friend's Mum's and an acquaintance is very similar. They are obsessed with their daughters staying petite and so don't like other people giving them food. One of these Mum's recently marched her DD to the GP b/c she'd gained 4 lbs in 6 months. She's 8 btw and enforces packed lunch when she's on playdates etc. I do wonder if that's what you are dealing with.

I'm always surprised people don't just stay quiet when they don't like something someone did as a one off. I remember once doing a favour for a friend and having 3 DC plus my 3 for two days on the trot as they had no childcare during COVID and had to work in person. After day 1 they told me they didn't like I had the telly on for under 10 minutes - 1 CBeebies type show - while I was dealing with an accident and a spilled drink. The programme was 6/7 min. They didn't want their DC watching anything except Paw Patrol and told me this the morning of day two they appreciate the favour but it has to be their rules. Two days of childcare I did as a favour - 2 x 9 hour days!!!! My 'sin' was putting on a short programme that wasn't paw patrol!

I’d say that was a very low calorie lunch. No bloody wonder she was hungry. Her mother was incredibly rude and is obviously unhealthy fixated on her daughter’s food intake.

You didn't force her to eat anything, she had ate her packed lunch and was still hungry. Were you expected to eat and not give her anything? I couldn't do that either. The mum is out of order for sniping at you when you've been good enough to watch her daughter

A 7 year old knows if they have allergies or a particular food will actually make them ill.

I used to babysit a toddler who knew.

Well letting a 7 year old have over 2 slices of cake wasn’t good.

But your friend was very rude.

My DD was slim when younger but she was unable to judge her food intake. This led to some embarrassing throwing up incidents when I wasn’t with her. Perhaps this child is similar or has delicate digestion? Perhaps she’s had a choking incident previously?

Why don’t you just ask the mum why? It could just be she doesn’t want her child eating too much processed food or whatever or has concerns about not knowing what food you’d give her. That doesn’t mean she thinks you’re incompetent, just that she feels happier knowing what her DD is eating.

This would be my reply OP.
'child's name' was still hungry after eating her provided meal. I would have felt mean if I hadn't offered her extra. I'm sorry if you don't agree with my reasoning but I felt I was doing the right thing at the time. When a child is still hungry after eating a meal it's difficult to say no more food, especially if they're not overweight. Let's just say it was a one off & move on.

Wow she's incredibly rude. I can understand having to have that conversation (politely) if it was every day, but it was a one off favour!! I'd like to think I wouldn't reply. In reality I'd probably have blown up at a message like that after doing someone a favour.

If the child has allergies, she should have mentioned it. Seems unlikely though, she didn't complain about allergy risk, just about 'gorging'.

Yes, an afternoon of extra food is going to send her down a lifetime path of obesity! I really feel sorry for some kids when their parents have attitudes like yours.

I would reply to her text OP by saying that there will be no "next time" so she needn't worry. People who complain when someone does them a favour will find the favour is never repeated in my world. The gall of her, thinking that you will be happy looking after her DD again when she is so rude!

No wonder she's very slim! She didn't even have 2 slices of bread to make a sandwich.

The plate of food you gave her was fine as she was clearly hungry and her mum hadn't packed enough food. Two slices of cake was a bit much though.

Text her back that her daughter was hungry and asked for your food. Tell her the lunchbox didn't contain enough food.

as a one off, what harm is there? Literally, how is that child in any way negatively impacted by having 1.5 slices of cake plus top up food as a one off?

Why do either of those things matter as a one off?
no child is negatively impacted by missing dinner and having a late night.

You didn’t do anything wrong enough to deserve a shitty message.
Personally I wouldn’t have given a second cake slice. Mine get a ‘there’s fruit if you’re still hungry but pudding is finished now’ but I would not say a word if someone else did what you did whilst providing me with free childcare as a favour.
jeez, talk about biting the hand that feeds 😬

Giving her two slices of cake was out of order, can’t get worked up about the rest.

I was that child. Was put on diets from the age of 4 due to my mum's raging eating disorder. I'd go months and months without even tasting cake. So, unsurprisingly, at a friends house or birthday party, and out of her sight, I would eat enormous amounts and make myself sick. I wouldn't be suprised if that is happening here OP.

My thoughts exactly. Ungrateful and rude text.