To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Don’t reply. Leave it hanging and let the mother reflect on her over reaction. In my experience if she’s being an asshole to you, she’s being an asshole to everyone and this will eventually have consequences for her. Obviously don’t look after the child again, poor thing. Sounds like a joyless life.

Very sad also the reaction of the child at parties etc is absolutely understandable. No child should be subjected to total denial of certain foods unless they have dietary issues. It's all about being sensible & not over indulging in 'unhealthy' or 'processed' food & making sure weight is within the guidelines.

I'd send this, but I wouldn't have given her two pieces of cake. People are often very strict about their children having sugary treats.

I would never look after her child again. Period.

I think it's the context - some cake after lunch is OK, 2 slices is too much. The fact the kid left some of the second slice is neither here nor there, she was given 2 whole slices and that IS excessive - there's no demonising about it, that's just common sense.

Also, cake does have a lot of sugar in it, especially shop-bought, not sure what your point is there. You trying to make out it isn't just shows you perhaps underestimate what's in your food.

How do you know it’s too much - you don’t know the type of cake or how big the slices were - unless I missed an update.

We don't have the context really, we're the normal size slices, were they massive? We don't know. I am imagining the size of cake I'd serve a 7yo and can't get upset about it.

Yes, cake has sugar in it. I think we are all aware of that. However it isn't literal "tonnes" and if you average it out over the week, it's fuck all if the child survives on chicken breast and grapes ordinarily. Would I give my child 2 slices of cake every day? Of course not. Would I be upset if it happened literally once? No. Because I have perspective.

I don't underestimate at all. I'm very aware what's in food! I didn't have a healthy upbringing at all whatsoever so I do try with my own child, but I'm not terrified of a bit of sugar now and again. I don't want my child to be deprived of something, and like other children on this thread, eat too much of it at any given opportunity. Demonising food does not work. Using language like "gorging" and "tonnes" is very telling to someone's unhealthy attitude.

It’s a Costco red velvet cake. The slices are always the same.

Two slices would be too much for a 7 year old.

I wouldn’t of cared about the extra lunch or slice of cake but there was no need for 2 slices of cake.

Oh - those cakes are huge! And full of crap too.

The slices are all the same? Does op not own a knife?

Evidently the child thought the same because they didn't finish the second slice.

Wow she was very rude. I’d have given the child some food too if she asked. Mum should have made it clear if she didn’t want her having anything additional. I wouldn’t be looking after her again though

No wonder she wanted some more food - sounds more like a snack than a meal!
Would probably have just said one piece of cake tho!

In a PT and I do some work with teens. Not kids of 7 but I'm really concerned about the use of the word gorging and tonnes by the mum. That's demonising food, negative embarrassing language, and not the way to develop a healthy attitude with food for a child.

To also give you such a rude entitled message back, OP, sounds to me like anxiety and a controlling nature (around food) on the part of the mum. Which can lead to some real problems down the road for that child if this is what she's always hearing at home.

Sounds like the mother is paranoid about weight and keeping the child on a tight food rein to make sure she stays ‘slim’. My bet is that she is hopeful she might get spotted one day for acting/singing/modeling/wgatever. That child will end up with an eating disorder. Don’t offer to look after the child again; next time you are asked come up with excuses.

I'd be tempted to reply and ask the mum why it's a problem. I don't think you did anything wrong so I'd want her to explain, particularly as her message was out of order

If someone else is looking after your child on a non employed basis, then they are doing you a big favour. If there are certain issues with food (allergies etc), then you need to say so, very explicitly, in advance. Otherwise, you are trusting that person and their decisions. End of. If controlling food mother doesn’t like OP’s decisions, then she should find someone else to babysit for her. And I would refuse to do so ever again were I the OP (I’d be very tempted to reply “there won’t be an “in future”…..”)

This.

Why haven't you responded yet op? Are you thinking of what to say, a poster here perfectly summarised a response. You did nothing wrong, people can be so weird! If you hadn't allowed her to have your food, the mother would've made a big deal out of that. If she specifically didn't want her child eating ur food, she should have clarified this with you.
I would tell her there won't be a next time, and it would look unkind if you didn't feed her child when her child asked to eat and asked for a second helping of cake. Perhaps the issue is herself, she should teach her child not to ask for more if it's such a isssue

I'd not bother to reply (silence speaks volumes) but there wouldn't be an "in the future". If she had set rules around food then she should have said.

I'm underweight and I would soon be hungry if I ate what was in that girl's lunchbox (and I imagine it wasn't a big portion).

Stop with the pointless what ifs??

all people are doing on here is throwing pointless what ifs? You don’t know all that food wouldn’t have made her ill, 2 dinners, 2 slices of cake and popcorn over an afternoon.. would have made most children feel sick by the time a couple of hours had passed.

but people on here are convinced that the girl is being starved and the mother has an eating disorder because she was sent with a healthy lunch.. there’s a lot of assumptions being made here and no one, even op knows the real truth.. they could have planned to all go out for tea together when she picked her up, so didn’t want her filling up throughout the day?

my point was a little extra food would likely have been fine, but another whole plate of food, then two slices of sugary cake is way too much for a 7 year old.. overfeeding children is just as bad as under feeding them and when offered ‘treats’ a lots of kids self regulation will go out of the window, it’s up to the adults to say enough is enough.

as I said before there was a happy medium which for some reason was completely ignored.

YANBU at all. Also nothing wrong with a seven year old having two slices of cake on a playdate. She is probably a growing, active child who was hungry that day. The mother sounds unhinged, as well as rude.

Yanbu. Also really entitiled to assume there will be a next time. You did her a favour and if she doesnt like how you babysit she shouldnt leave her child with you.

If she isn't happy then next time (if there is one) she could politely ask you to stick to her own pack lunch only.

Sounds to me as if the mum has issues around food!

She was massively rude and ungrateful to have a go at you for giving her child food she had asked for!

I certainly wouldn’t be childminding for her again.