To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

There didn't seem to be any carb element in her packed lunch and children do generally need all food groups in moderation, it all sounded quite sweet tasting too. Is soreen carb? The mother sounds like she was quizzing the poor girl, I hope she didn't shout/get annoyed. I'd completly ignore her and never look after the child again. I know that type, she gave a lunch box as she didn't want the child eating your food.

This is something one learns, I did and it wasn't nice. I brought 2 mini chocs on a day trip for 3 yr old DD and her friend and friend's mother refused the chocolate and made her eat an apple only. Friend cried as she wanted the chocolate. I was puzzled at how a mini milkyway caused so much upset.

Two slices of cake, unless you mean slithers instead of big cafe style ones is probably too much. A lot of 7 year olds would ask for more and my upper primary DC would try and eat the lot if an unsuspecting person allowed them free reign. One small slice only, possibly another after dinner.

Your friend was terribly rude though and very weird.

Some mums are very weird about food. I mean restrictively weird. Girl in one class wasn't allowed to have dairy, gluten, caffeine and had an allergy to blue light. Apart from she didn't because she used to eat other kids packed lunches and became a bit of a bully for sweets. She used to get 4 cherry tomatoes and a banana in a box every day. Mother had an eating disorder and no one seemed to do much about it affecting her kid. Was pretty concerning by Y6.

If a skinny hungry 7yo asks for extra food in my house, I provide it. Maybe not two slices of cake, but I don't restrict my guests.

I'd be fairly worried by that. The mother's tone is not normal.

You didn’t do anything wrong imo but if her mother would rather you didn’t giver her extra food she should mention it;

“thanks fo much for looking after DD, it was so kind of you, she had a lovely time! DD mentioned you shared some extra food with her, I probably should have mentioned but I’d rather she just ate what I provided in future, if she comes again. Thanks so much!”

Unless you have already arranged something I think its a bit presumptuous that she is assuming that you will be minding her daughter again. I agree with a previous poster that she seems to have you confused with paid childcare.
I think my reply would be along the lines of "our rule here is that guests are welcome to share any food we are having, in future its maybe best if we only help with Amy outside of mealtimes if that doesn't suit."

I wouldn't reply to her ever again.

She can jog on the next time she's looking for free childcare.

The child’s mother was rude but that was too much food, the two slices of cake was overkill.

In future?? Surely there will be no future! The mum is very ungrateful. I mean of course we all want to feed our DC healthily but if someone's doing you a favour and was hospitable with food then only response is 'thank you' as far as I'm concerned!

Two lunches and two pieces of cake is a bit excessive, but I'd never have complained to someone who'd given me free babysitting over it.

Don't try and deal with it by text though. There'll be a reason this is important to mum (even if it's her own weirdness) and trying to "discuss" it via messages never resolves a minor dispute, only makes it worse.

But she left some of it, so didn't eat it all and stopped when she was full. She didn't "over eat"

Reply "you're welcome." the cheek of some people astounds me

This, could not have said it better

Absolutely agree. The tiny packed lunch, her reaction at her daughter being given extra food, and using words like ‘gorged’ are worrying signs.

I agree.
You can’t refuse a child food when it’s there on the table and they want it.
I would say that to your friend.If it doesn’t blow over easily I should think you won’t be doing her any more child care favours.She was very ungrateful towards you.

We don't actually know the size of the slice of cake. I wouldn't give a 7 year old the same size piece as an adult, tbh.

I wouldn't have been happy about the cake seeing as it wasn't a celebration. I've seen the ingredient lists on Costco cakes and they are pretty nasty, not what I would be offering a young child two slices of. Extra, basic food like fruit, a cheese sandwich, or similar, no problem.

Can I ask why you say this. She's 7, if overweight I'm sure the op would have said/not given her so much. If the kid eats so much then clearly the food she had was insufficient...or am I missing something?

Not being argumentative, but even if she had been greedy and didn't want tea, it's strange to be so rude...I'd joke about it next time we met

Procrastinates

Gosh that's quite a lot of food in the space of an afternoon especially the fact she had two slices of cake on top of two meals.
Genuine question: How can you tell from what op said? In particular how big a slice of cake is varies from house to house (my sil does the genius thing of cutting tiny slices for the kids so if they can come back for more they can actually get more! Dh pretty much divides a cake by how many people are there even if there’s only a few!

It's true some kids can't regulate. My eldest was fine at 7 at self regulating, but my youngest not so good. But even so a couple of I assume small slices of cake as a one off is hardly worth worrying about.

Sounds like the mother has issues around food and the poor girl was making the most of a decent meal being available while she could!

The message is bonkers. I'd be tempted to tell her the poor girl was still hungry and I hadn't realised she was on a restricted diet...

I wouldn't have said anything because you were doing her/me a favour and it's nuts a regular thing, but I wouldn't have appreciated the two slices of Costco cake for a child, their cakes are full of additives, don't go stale for weeks (we get them at work sometimes) and have very high sugar content, two slices is too much even for an adult. You do have to say no to children when it comes to sweets etc sometimes.
The rest of it wouldn't have bothered me though. If she's hungry she should eat food.

The Costco red velvet cakes are usually pre sliced and the slices are big

I’d reply to say “I think it’s best I don’t look after her in future as I won’t see a child hungry in my house”.

But if someone is looking after your child for a favour, the only reasonable ask is they come back physically and emotionally well. If she’s eaten her own weight in candy floss, then oh well - one day of sugar won’t kill her.

@BagFullOfNoodles We've had them at work before as well. I tried a slice of one and ended up throwing it away as it just did not taste like food. It was strange, I do occasionally eat supermarket cake for family birthday teas or other celebrations, but the Costco ones are definitely different!

My DD5 is overweight (as per the NHS reception weigh in), but depending on what she is wearing you wouldn’t think she was. She is always “hungry” and has a massive appetite.

She’d have definitely eaten a packed lunch, second lunch, 2 slices of cake and the popcorn, but probably felt very ill afterwards. Lunch at home she would typically have a wrap and some veg sticks.

So I’d be slightly aghast if she came home and told me she’d had all that, but I would never have said anything!

Perhaps this girl is overweight like my DD but doesn’t look it in clothes (at 7 a normal weight is for them to look skinny), or has been overweight and the mum has worked hard to get the eating under control. She still shouldn’t have said anything to you though, that’s very ungrateful.