To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that free-childcare givers shower kids in calorific treats. And it’s fine because the child won’t be expecting two cakes after school daily. You have to l learn to chill about it.

She was very rude and addressed you like a paid childminder - actually even if you were she could have put it more diplomatically

Sounds like she wants her daughter eating healthy food. A Costco cake might be "yum" but it's definitely full of crap.
She should have been clearer with you though before she dropped her off

My Crystal ball tells me that poor girl will have an eating disorder further down the line. Poor kid. No, you didn’t do anything wrong - had it been explained beforehand that she wasn’t allows anything else then it would be tricky but no, the other mum is clearly a control freak. She can definitely arrange alternative care in the future.

There isn't good and bad food.
There's foods we should eat more of and foods that are better eaten as an occasional treat or in small portions.
In this case, it's an occasional treat and even if she'd eaten the whole thing, it wouldn't have done any long term damage.

Not only that, but I expect she has learned from this experience to keep secret any food she does get outside the home, setting her up for potential secret eating/binge/guilt dynamic.

Poor kid, indeed.

Agree. I had a friend who was very restrictive with her children’s food. They used to pinch food when playing at our house.
Guess what ….now 20 years later they are all obese !

This is a major red flag from the mum to me
unless there is allergy or some sort of massive weight issue that needs strict diet or perhaps offering a huge snack just before mum planned to do a big dinner I just can't comprehend why a mum would be bothered you fed their kid and ensured they were satisfied
makes me concerned about the child's care from her parents certainly not your looking after her!

I don’t think I could resist replying.

“I will never apologise for feeding a hungry child, particularly when that child specifically asks me for food. If she had been provided a proper lunch, I wouldn’t have had to supplement her meal. I’ll send you an invoice for my time babysitting and the cake 😊”

I would reply with: 'No, no response. I was waiting for you to come to your senses and apologise for being so rude and ungrateful. I looked after your dc and treated her like one of my own, wanting to ensure she felt at home and looked after.
No worries though, there most certainly will not be any 'in the future/going forward'.

There is no harm, for any child, to eat cost co cake as a one off when you are a guest in someone's home. What a ridiculously snobby attitude. With an attitude like that I think it is best one looks after their own children at all times and do not accept the kind help from friends.

Bonkers

OP you sound lovely. If you had looked after my child, I would have been grateful and given you flowers, bottle of something, chocolates etc.

I had a playdate mum being horrified when I fed her child Asda sausages once. (With hummus, carrots cucumber) etc. I was on unpaid matleave at the time and did the best with what I could afford. Suffice to say said child and mother have never been invited back.

I wish OP would come back and tell us what happened next!

Perhaps the balance of the Costco cake finished her off? It seems they can be lethal …

I'm just petty enough I would reply, "No response is needed and I won't be in a position to watch your child or feed them again without you present".

That's a whole different issue and really not the point of this debate which is based on a woman being uppity and annoyed that the friend, who kindly stepped in when she needed a sitter, had the temerity to give her child extra food over and above the seemingly meagre lunch she had provided!! 🙄This is not about being economical and 'saving' food although that is not to say of course that sadly it isn't an important issue for many people these days...😥

Good point which I hadn't considered...one could say that the child had been given 'food for thought'?! 🙄

Cake is hardly a healthy food choice.
Probably childs mum does not want her DD to eat cake on random afternoons but on special occasions reinforcing good eating habits?

That's an incredibly rude and judgemental statement.

What an utterly disgusting statement. I'd much rather be fat than nasty because at least the fat person can, should they choose to lose the weight. You, on the other hand... lol.

Well then the child's mother shouldn't offload her for someone else to look after if she is that concerned!

Don't trigger yourself over facts hun

So a slim child won't eat cake, is that what you are saying? Because it's stupid if you are.

The facts are that strictly restricting certain foods from children, who don't understand nutrition at those ages, can cause a very unhealthy relationship to food.

One day of a bit of extra cake, for a child that's been described as petite, isn't going to make her obese.

Telling a 7 year old things like "fat children are hungry for cake" will undoubtedly make her see herself as fat, just because she, like the majority of humans, likes cake. Which is damaging.

You are damaging.

As I'm staff I'm waiting for my wages first