To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

I wouldn't be happy with 2 slices of cake, that's extreme.

My assumption as a parent of a child of a similar age is that they haven't eaten their tea (possibly nutritionally planned) as a result of gorging themselves in the afternoon with you.
Trying your food shouldn't be an issue but 2 slices of cake AND popcorn on top of packed lunch and a plate of your food is a lot for a 7 year old within a few hours.

I'd message back and say sorry, she said she was still hungry and didn't realise it would be a problem.

Just don't offer again if you have an issue with it.

As a one-off - seriously??? You don't even know what size of slice the cake was!

Projecting much?!! Pun absolutely intended.

Still waiting for one of these 'two slices of cake is extreme' people to state what the standard size/weight/calorie content of a 'slice of cake' actually is!

@PopandFizz ? Go on then... whats the calorie content of 'a slice of cake' please?

maybe the mums just a bit controlling … maybe mum has food issues and she is projecting onto her daughter , in regards to cake as she’s a child I’m sure you didn’t give her two Bruce cake slices and just two child sizes 🤣

it’s a lot of what ifs I personally would message back and say ….

im really sorry if your offended by what I have fed your daughter today could I ask the background to why you are so very upset as I did not feel it fair to decline your child food and had I have done so I can only assume I would also have been in the wrong for doing that .

My child has been able to identify food she can not have and refuse it since she was 3 this mum is just an utter tool

If it's a friend, it's probably worth a phone call to talk over rather than fall out via text? My daughter does need a special diet and I would be really upset if she's eaten things that need to be limited for her but I definitely don't expect people to know that without me being explicit about it. If I was in your shoes, I would probably say " I just gave her the same as what we would have". People are usually more polite in person rather than text ...

If my child was with you and said they ate all that I would have thanked you for spoiling my kiddo. As that means you treated them as family. Although if my child was with you every single day I might think it was a bit much but a one off not at all.

I think most people are ignoring that the child ASKED for the food,

Most people wouldn't feel comfortable saying no, I don't think.

It's interesting that a child who is clearly so controlled around food wants to gorge on it when she gets the chance. Clearly Mum's methods aren't rubbing off!

Being too stringent with foods can lead to kids becoming a bit obsessed with them. Not exactly a healthy relationship with food.

Most parents aren't that controlling that they provide a packed lunch when their kid goes to someone else's house so the question of if they are allowed to eat extra will never arise.

What’s the rationale for denying the child food?

Didn’t you say your daughter is 2? I’d expect a 7 year old to eat more than a 2 year old. I also don’t that sounds much for a meal.

I don’t see anything wrong with giving her more food especially as she said she was hungry. maybe I would have told her mum when she collected her.

the mum is being rude and ungrateful,

As a side - my boy often eats two meals/portions for lunch at nursery - judging by the people of mums net I should be telling the nursery not to provide a second when he asks for it….

Thisbto me sounds like the woman has eating issues herself and is restricting her childs eating. Its really weird. I wpuld bw really offended by her comments and that would be the last time I did her a favour. Plus I would be inclined to be keeping an eye on the girl in case she started to look malnourished.

Serious question - if your child has a special diet wouldn't you tell those babysitting your child?

Btw every child in my extended family with allergies and intolerances plus those who hate certain food has been able to say so since they could speak. They have also been able to refuse food items completely and by the time they were 7 get adults to check what is in it.

If my DD is "out of routine", i.e. because she's been looked after elsewhere, or it's a day out, or whatever, then I accept that for that one day her eating may be "off" from the norm.

If she goes to grandparents, she eats what they're having. She'll probably get some treats too. If she doesn't like what's there, she won't eat it. She's only 2 but she knows her own mind.

I just ask what she's had on pick up so I know what the best thing to give her later is (or if there's a reason she probably won't eat much later).

It's a one off. Kids don't eat in an ideal way anyway, but especially when out of routine.

And if there's a reason she shouldn't have something (for e.g. she's recently had a bad stomach), I'll mention it before they feed her.

This.

Child obesity in the UK.

Agree with PP that it sounds like the mum has an eating disorder and is scarily projecting it onto her child. I’d be inclined to reply and say she was hungry why is she being portion controlled at 7? And also what you’ve said here about wanting her to feel at home as she doesn’t know you that well. The mum is a CF.

So because some kids are overweight, a 7 year old who is hungry should be denied food?

What happened to just being grateful to someone for looking after your child when you needed it and accepting different houses different rules, so long as there aren’t blatant safety issues.

Wow, rude to another level. Don’t take her kid again

Sounds like the mother is offloading her own eating habits on her daughter.
Look up the term 'Almond Mom'
If this mother is already being restrictive to a seemingly healthy child with no health issues (again if there were she should mention to anyone that looks after her) then that poor girl is certainly going to develop some form of eating disorder to please her mother.

My daughter is 7 and quite petite and slim. Some days she eats like a horse and others she has a smaller appetite. Probably the same as most children.
I don't think you did anything wrong op. When I have other children at my house they can eat until they are full

You can reply whenever you like OP and you don't have to give her a reason either.

Personally I wouldn't let her get away with speaking to you so disrespectfully when you have looked after her child.

I would draw up a text in my notes and keep going back to it to amend it and when you're happy press send.

What a horrible woman. I had a friend similar to this and needless to say I text her my thoughts and ended that friendship. Life is too short to put up with rude highly strung people. She sounds controlling and rigid.

My first response would be: I'm not your PA I will answer when it's convenient to me. I'm just trying to get over the shock of your entitled message so bear with me.

But her daughter is 7. How did she know how much she had actually eaten just by her description..and she was certain of the quantities enough to complain to you ? Yes you don't want to feed kids loads of extra food routinely but on a one off you just can't dictate what the host is going to provide. She's really really rude and I would back away.

You shouldn't look after this child again. The mother is terribly rude and treating you like unpaid staff.