To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

The friend sounds extremely controlling and weird. Next time she asks you to look after her DD, I'd just say, sorry, but last time you weren't happy with the free service provided, so I think you'd be better off finding someone else.

Sorry I didn't read this before my first comment.

I'd go off at this point.

"Hi X, I wasn't intending to respond as I'm a little shocked that after providing you with free childcare, you decided to complain. Y asked to try the food we were eating and I have no intention- now, or in future- of telling a child in my home they need to go hungry because of issues their parents have. I suggest in future you hire a nanny or babysitter, who may have more patience to deal with your neurosis."

I think the mother is just an Anal Annie about food.

There are so many of them these days. They ought to have been born in an era or location where food was scarce and it would have shaken sense into them within a few weeks.

Mine too - on one occasion when my DC was 8 they ate 6 weetabix - no ill effects, not a regular thing, but hungry like a horse meant a growth spurt was coming along! When the growth spurt had finished normal eating patterns came back. Same thing for years.

If the child had allergies or was on a special diet it was for the mum to tell you. My kids friends would come to tea and sometimes the parents were shocked at what they’d eaten but only because they ate things here that they refused at home (mushrooms and peppers). If the mum was this fussy and rude I’d say I was not comfortable looking after that child again.

Having read some of this, I think that if there is a next time you probably ought to check with the girl whether she's ever left hungry at home!

If the child was diabetic that’s the first thing the mum should have told the OP. So she could be aware of how to monitor, and treat, hypos and hypers.

"There's no need for me to respond since there won't be a next time.👍"

This is ridiculous. Definitely sounds like the mother has issues with food that she’s projecting onto her DD. My DSS 9 has issues in that he struggles to recognise when he is full, will eat to excess even when he knows he’s full if it’s something he likes, and as he has reflux is prone to vomiting. He would also happily carry on eating after vomiting. Very active and very slim. So at home whilst we encourage him to listen to his body we do have rules in that he waits for 10 minutes after dinner before having pudding and won’t let him eat for a while if he’s just been sick etc. obviously he is also treated for his reflux. We try and use natural consequences though, so for example today he was sick at the park. We planned to have an ice cream/treat before we went home after our picnic so I said he could either have something there but no more running around after, or he could choose something and have it when he got home. I highlighted he was likely to be sick on the way home if he didn’t wait but left the choice to him. Of course he chose now and was sick the whole way home…

When he goes to parties etc I absolutely do not restrict or say he needs to restrict what he is eating. If he was at someone’s house for a lengthy period I would probably highlight his reflux may make him sick if he eats a large quantity in a short time, so regular small bits are better, but I would absolutely not expect anyone else to restrict his food intake and accept he is likely to binge at times as that is an issue of his. Trying to control it excessively is only going to make it worse.

No response is a response.

Except it doesn’t sound at all like she is 🙄 She’s diabetic, age 7, and did her bolus injection so skilfully and quickly that the OP didn’t notice? She managed to hide her CGM or meter and OP didn’t see them? Uh huh.

There’s no mention of how big these portions were , it may not be that excessive.

No? Who does that? If my child is hungry I feed her...

@SnappyBiscuit Nope, no mention whatsoever of portion size or indeed what the second lunch the child wanted to try even was?

Triple fried chips and a huge bacon cheeseburger?
Rice crackers and low fat spread?
A plate of hummus and carrot sticks?

It's quite interesting to see how many people leap to the assumptions regarding portion size where absolutely zero details of any quantities or indeed, a good number of the ingredients, are mentioned!

'I assumed you were joking or having a bad day. Anyway, probably best if you find someone else to help out with childcare in future.'

She's a cheeky cow, OP. I think you're best not letting it slide or she's going to assume the moral high ground.

OP you did nothing wrong. The second slice of cake was also fine under the circumstances. You’re entitled to make those decisions in your own home when doing someone a favour.

Do not respond to those texts.

I’m not remotely convinced the child is diabetic or anything else that makes it an enormous drama for her to have had cake.

Mum should just be grateful that you stepped in rather than obsessing over a one off afternoon of food intake.

I don't know size of slices of cake, but suspect packed lunch was small if OP and child had not finished their meal. Two slices of cake would be normal in my house. Whyever would you not eat a nice cake? A child of seven needs a lot of food and if the child was hungry after her meal and OP and daughter were eating and having cake it would be both rude, cruel and neglectful not to offer and feed child. Is it possible mother of this child is under the impression children do not need much to eat, or is still feeding her the amount of food she did when she was two? I kid you not, such things happen.

But your DD is two. That is not much for an active 7 year old. How big was the chicken breast?

Goodluck !!!

If your child is with me, I will feed them unless you ask me not to, or tell me about allergies or food issues. Even if there's no anaphylactic shock, I expect to be told if diet is important, for weight, health, religion or anything else.

Honestly if someone is looking after my child for a one off they can basically give them what food they like/all the screen time etc. It would be different if it was a regular arrangement but for an occasional favour, the main thing to me is that my child is happy and feels comfortable and I’m making the caregiver’s life easy. Unless maybe if my child ate so much they puked then I’d be slightly annoyed, but equally then that’s a lesson for the child as sometimes they need to understand how it feels to eat too much to allow them to tune in to what their body is feeling re if they are hungry or not. Sounds a bit diet culturey to me from the mum who is probably very controlling over what her daughter eats.

What with? Judging you? Already done it! Unless there is an allergy involved your kid eats the same as mine and I’m not messaging parents.

My nephew has been telling people he's allergic to nuts since he was 3, so a 7 year old def should say. I think this is the mum having a weight/sugar issue and projecting it on to the little girl.
Or... was she sick? Maybe that's why she's annoyed?

I wouldn't look after her kid again