To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

My niece is adopted and has issues around over eating. My brother and brother in law work really hard to teach her about feeling full. It would be highly frustrating for them to have someone overfeeding their daughter. She's 5. They definitely can overeat.

I don't think it necessarily needs to be allergies. A child could easily react to additives in a red UPF cake, causing things like headaches or behavioural issues. It's not something that should be given to a young child without checking with a parent.

Name calling now? There is a big difference between a basic homemade cake and a chemical cocktail from Costco.

Um, yes. Yes there is. But anyone who is going to hyperventilate over an extra plate of food and 1.5 slices of UPF cake on one day of their child's life needs to either specify exactly what their child can and can't have, or not leave their child with others. Or maybe they could just chill out, be a little less precious and realise it's a relatively small infraction in the overall scheme of things?

I think the opposite. If there are foods your child cannot have, for any reason, you as the parent need to make the person looking after them aware.

Chemical cocktail is actually hilarious. You'd think op had given the child actual drugs from some of these comments. It's a bloody costco cake not Crystal meth.

Mine would eat that ... And then be ill for days. Or it could be that the Mum has strict rules about sugar and treats so was upset these got broken.

I'd have probably warned you that my child was allergic to beetroot and mint just in case you did give them sweets or cake. Costco Red Velvet has put mine in hospital! I guess if the child is only seven , it might not have yet crossed her mind that you'd give the child extra food

There is also the possibility that the child has been put on an unnecessary restrictive diet (the type that comes under child abuse). I'd definitely be asking if there was a problem.

This sounds seriously odd behaviour from the friend. 99.9% of normal people would just be incredibly grateful you’d looked after their child! What a horrid controlling friend she is. Poor you and poor child.

I’d be tempted to say something like “It might be wise to include some carbs in her next packed lunch for whoever looks after her next. Afraid I don’t deny hungry guests food so it won’t be me. Maybe she’s having a growth spurt”.

You’re right, Mummyford, this thread has brought out the nutters. Always the same. Thankfully, there are always enough sensible posts to keep me reading Mumsnet.
Some are absolute bloody crackpots 🤣. Often they are hilarious rather than offensive.

If her child has special dietary needs (allergies, diabetes, etc) then she should have been very clear that her child couldn’t have any other food. I think it’s reasonable to not offer any childcare anymore. Personally as a parent of fussy child I would be delighted she wanted some of your lunch and whilst I think eating cake all the time isn’t great, you presumably aren’t looking after her child everyday.

I thought it was just me.
The utter batshittery this thread has flushed out.

It's not just about the food. It's about the social education of being a guest in someone's house. Personally, I would rather my child witness good hospitality being modelled for them as opposed to them thinking "More? I'm sorry, no. Please stick to your box of food while you watch us eat cake" is normal.

Behavioural issues?? I hope this thread of top MN nutters has made it to the tattle thread.

Yes. One of mine had a piece of brightly coloured birthday cake at three and I had to take him home due to aggressive behaviour that was completely out of character. The birthday dad remarked on it that he had never seen him like that. That child remains sensitive to something in some supermarket cakes, awful headaches as an adult. I would avoid giving cake like the one mentioned to someone else's child.

Tequila shots! 🤣

It sounds funny but that’s how people carry on.

There’s zero proportionality round food these days .

Yes that’s what I think.

Of course Costco cake is not ideal every day food, but op said it was a treat. It’s not as though the child is having it at home … or IS she? ! 🤔🧐

@jerkorperk

I haven't replied at all

I'd reply just with one word - "Noted".

Then don't offer any more, or be unavailable if she asks. 🌹

Right. In which case, surely when he was that age you made it clear when you left him with someone? 'Please don't give x anything other than what I've packed' or 'please don't give x any sweets', as he's had an odd behavioural reaction to things in the past. Certainly a child turning violent after eating something could be quite alarming for the host and is something they should know to avoid?

One of mine had an unpleasant but not life threatening reaction to a lot of raw fruits and vegetables (oral allergy syndrome) and certainly when she was 7 I would have made sure anyone hosting her knew that rather than going through life with the expectation she would never come across a strawberry at someone else's house. She knew what not to have of course, but with a 7 year old that's not a substitution for making sure the adult in charge is aware.

💯

This.

mine was very vocal about her allergy and intolerances, but when she was left in someone else’s care I was always very clear with them what she couldn’t have.

And because people have always been sceptical of allergies they were always given a very clear “this is her epi pen, she cannot have X or she’ll need this… this is what happens and this is what you do” as well as “she can’t have y and z or she’ll end up in the bathroom, in a lot of pain, for a long time… and she can’t have a otherwise she gives an impressive display of how far human vomit can travel!”

Nobody with an ounce of sense leaves a child of 7 to deal with food allergies or intolerances by themselves in a new place.

Exactly. My child couldn't have specific foods together as it made him sick. Individually they were fine. Nursery had it down as an intolerance and I obviously informed everyone who ever had him without me there just in case they fed him those foods (which was very unlikely but nobody wants a vomiting child!) There's no way I wouldn't have told someone and then had the audacity to complain if he was sick.

There are a lot of joyless people on here and I wonder what they do when their kids go to parties surrounded by sugary treats, do you hover over them and police what they have to eat? One off occasions of having what they want and more sugary treats than normal isn't going to kill a child and will teach them about all things in moderation.

If there are allergies/issues surrounding food at play this should have been made clear to the OP.

I agree with others who say kids sometimes eat more and sometimes eat less. I also think those that suggest this is an issue stemming from the mother in some way may have a point.

Depends on the size of the slice doesn't it?

In which case the parent should make this very clear. The mother was being ungrateful. I bet her little girl had a lovely time with you.