To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Ooh no! I think an occasional slice of cake (or two) is most definitely obligatory!

I stopped posting at 11:03🤣 you dreamt up this post over two and a half hours and loads of posts after mine!

This is a ‘ridiculous ’ point to make 2 and a half hours after I stopped posting.

The mum has text her to say she overfed her child..

OP did, in fact, overfeed her child.. 2 dinners, and 2 slices of cake in one sitting is too much for an adult let alone a 7 year old.

Whatever the consequences of eating all that food were, it obviously prompted the mum to send a snotty text. If I had a sick or puking child after being 'looked after' by someone for the afternoon then found out how much they'd given her, including two helpings of costco cake I'd be annoyed as well to be fair.. I wouldn't be mentioning a 'next time' though..

Why not just let her try a little of what you were having, rather then give her a plate of it, and a bit of cake after dinner?

The child asked to 'try' some of what OP was eating.. she didn't say she was hungry, that has well and truly been assumed, but in fairness she may have been a little hungry still.. so she asked if she could 'try it' not to be given a full plate which she may have felt it would be rude not to eat..

If there is something nice on offer, kids will normally find somewhere to put it.. they want it, it doesn't mean they need it and if it doesn't agree with them or if they've eaten to excess then the parents end up scraping up red velvet cake puke off the living room carpet by teatime, or dealing with a child with stomach ache for the rest of the night, especially worse if they had plans to go out themselves for something to eat all together.

As the adult you have to do a certain amount of regulating and decision making for children, I'm sure OP does it for her 2 year old, I think it was accidental and she just didn't think, and probably wanted the 7 year old to have a great time so let her eat a lot of nice food.. but it obviously caused problems somewhere along the line for the mum to be complaining about it.

We have 0 idea if it caused any problems or mum just didn't like it. Mum's language suggested she has issues with food generally. Presumably if the child was sick she'd have said so.

No...I got an 😱face. Spare me.
I was obliging her, like the OP, never again, even though she did ask. We were always busy from then on.
Actually now that I think about it lots of children love a Nutella sandwich and I couldn't care less if that's what they want to eat.

When i think of kid’s parties in the late 70s !! Cakes with buttercream, , jellies with that artificial whip stuff, cocktail sausages, paste sarnies ,prawn cocktail crisps ,all the pop you could drink and then we took more cake home with us. No one regulated anything 😂 I remember feeling a bit sick at times but no one threw up. We were hard back then we were.

I think so too.

I bet mum asked when she was filling in the “calories gorged today” chart on the kitchen wall.

Exactly. It’s not ideal, and my dcs would be fed a lot of veg in the following days after a party like that; BUT the hysteria generated on these threads at times by the unpoliced ingestion of a slice of cake is bordering on mental instability.

Block block block she's an ungrateful cow

I'd have done exactly the same as you, op, I'd offer as much food as they needed, children that age rarely overeat and even if they did, as a one off, what does it matter?
I'm a soft touch and on receiving that message I'd reply 'I'm really sorry you feel like that, she wanted to join in our family meal and I thought I was doing the right thing"
But I'd then never offer again.

Yes, but proper cake. Flour, butter, sugar, eggs. My nan's lemon drizzle. Not nasty Costco shite.

Note to self: Taking up an offer of free childcare means no longer having a say over your own child

What kind of cruel “parent” wants their child to be left out of cake when everybody else is eating cake?

What 7 year old needs 2 pieces?! That’s excessive.

The CF parent in this case wanted her to have none.

Nice one

Perfect - except I’d add “ because it seems that now we both are.”

Was the mother actually a friend or just a school mum you know. It doesn't sound like you know much about the daughter ?

Is this out of character for your friend ?

I think one badly worded text between friends, isn't cause to end a friendship. If she is an acquaintance on the other hand I would probably expect mum to say, "I have made her lunch box, if you could just keep to that for food for now that would be great"

I wouldn't give a 7 year old child 2 slices of cake anyway personally, but if someone did to my child (who is nearly 7) I wouldn't kick off, if they went around again I would just say, we don't encourage excess sugar through the week, so if poss, no sweet stuff for her, she has fruit in her lunchbox. Or something similar.
Our DS wouldn't eat 2 slices of cake though, and one of his friends does actually say, dad says I'm not allowed rubbish food through the week, so he has our fruit salad for dessert.

Sorry, when was 'piece' or 'slice' a defined measurement or quantity?

Do tell me how much in grams, a piece or slice of cake actually is and specifically, what weight/size/mass the pieces of cake the OP served were..

Oh you can't?

Then how can you possibly know if it was excessive? Perhaps she served very thin slices, with the option of more. Perhaps for her, a single slice is a quarter of the cake, in which case just one would be excessive (but there again it depends on the size of the cake, for all we know the OP is divvying up a single fucking cupcake for a family of four plus guest)..

[Typed whilst consuming gorging on a Krispy Kreme donut rendered fucking incredible by being squished on the waffle iron.. so my unreasonableness knows no bounds of course]

Alright Mrs Bucket 😀

I think you could be clear with her that when you look after a child it is your rules. The exception being a H&S issue in which case the parent is to let you know.

I can't help but wonder if the child's mum has an eating disorder?

All this and you didn't even get a thank you. What a cheek!

I'd have to point out there'd be no next time simply due to her lack of manners and that it's a really good idea to make sure her daughter is properly fed before she leaves the house and to provide an adequate, filling lunch for her so she's not still hungry, which she clearly was today.

My reply back would be that if the daughter had any food allergies the mother failed to point those out and you would think it grossly unfair to allow her child to sit and watch your daughter eat.

in future if she doesn’t want your hospitality, she is welcome to drop her daughter elsewhere.

Ooh, yes! Send your Nan round and we'll save the Costco slices for tomorrow. Thanks! Now just need to find an unsuspecting friend to drop their child off...

This thread has certainly brought out the absolute nutters.

IT'S ONE DAY. She wasn't giving the kid tequila shots.

When a parent has provided a packed lunch with nothing sugary in it, that’s a pretty clear sign so I would avoid cake in that circumstance. I remember people being so desperate to give my dc cake and sweets when they were happy and loved fruit. Child clearly had a healthy lunch so if it wasn’t enough you don’t then fill the child up on cake. You also have no idea about allergies and the mum didn’t need to mention it as she’s providing the food. I don’t always mention my dc allergies unless they are being fed.