To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

OP I'd reply by saying her daughter seemed very hungry and ate the food really quickly. She was so hungry, you were quite worried about her.

The mother obviously provided the packed lunch as a way of controlling what the girl was eating. She sounds like an almond mum.

Is there a father on the scene? Do you know anyone who knows her very well and could tell you if there is a background of eating disorder, etc, with the mum?

I think it’s because for grandparents it’s:

a) usually a chance to see their grandchildren, not just a favour;
b) they tend to see them more regularly so it’s establishing a pattern that might have a chance to bite, not just a one-off visit
c) it’s not as rude to be outspoken to your own family.

The woman was out of order. End of. You don’t request hospitality then criticise it.

Maybe she was. If you think the solution to hunger is cake that's a problem. Try fruit or a sandwich? Cake is great and very yummy but 2 slices in a sitting is OTT and it wasn't OP's place to provide a lot of sugary food to someone elses child. It's not the end of the world that she did - and the response from the mum was indeed rude and ungrateful - but OP was pretty irresponsible with her choices.

I agree my DD is 7 and would be starving after that. She is a gymnast and dancer but in no way is she encouraged to eat to be slim, no child should be.

OP it’s very strange and I agree with everyone who says you should reply telling your friend that you won’t babysit her DD again. I couldn’t have cake in front of a child and not offer them any unless they were allergic (and even then I would be a total dick eating it in front of them!)z

I didn’t specifically mention cake. The post I answered talked about alot of food.

It’s really bad manners and quite cruel to a child to refuse them something they ask for that everyone else is eating.

If the mother needs to control what her child eats she needs to keep her at home.

A lot of food, which included cake. The fact you didn't type the word is irrelevant, what an odd argument.

Don't be ridiculous - every parent needs to control what their young children eat otherwise they'd all be sat up to their waists in buckets of Haribo, chicken nuggets, fries, Moams and Costco red velvet cake.

Balance and moderation is the key.

Christ it’s one off! Why does it
matter

What a weird idea that all children are desperate to binge on junk.

Balance is precisely the key. The girl obviously eats healthily at home so 1 or 2 pieces of Costco cake won’t hurt her.

Seriously, the insane pearl clutching over this is beyond belief.

Never had a Costco cake, but now I'm thinking we'll have to get one. For research.

I honestly think there's some food obsession on this thread. 18 pages of chat over a child eating 1.5 slices of cake after a meal. It's hardly newsworthy.

Sugar addiction is a huge issue, sugar increasing anxiety and so on is a huge issue (I see this in adult clients a lot), but obsessing over 1.5 pieces of cake as a fun one off (as part of an unusual one off childcare arrangement) is not a reason for 18 pages of debate!

In our business we recommend that clients never weigh themselves or calorie count and it really works for us, because it's the sugar and other things that cause the problems, not a fixation on daily weighing and calorie counting. We try to have clients really learn to respect their body and give it what it needs which is a great message for kids, too. And that means sometimes there might be some party food, but as long as most of the time is healthy food then hey, you can enjoy and have a great balance and respect your body.

Also isn't half the carbs from soreen sugar anyway?

Îm going to try the red velvet cake next time we go to Costco and if our DD wants a second slice she can have it!!

Yeah which is why the poor child was probably hungry.

If she had been given pasta, rice, potatoes or bread to go with her chicken breast she probably wouldn't have demanded extra food.

Also my own DD and plenty of my friends DC have demanded certain fruit and veg over sweets and cakes on plenty of occasions.

Anyone who's in my house would be offered what we're having.

And that other mum shouldn't presume there would be a "next time" if she sent me a rude text like that.

If someone behaved like that I'd assume they had disordered eating themselves and worry for the child.

Is there a term for eating disorder by proxy?

Other than starving your child and not allowing them to learn boundaries for themselves.

You did absolutely nothing wrong - in my experience (and view), it’s up to the parent leaving their child in your care to set any clear boundaries (allergies, don’t eat after xx time etc). Unless you do this, you are leaving it with the responsible adult to make those decisions. I would never complain in these circumstances - if you’d jacked her on tonnes of sweets then I might not send her to you again but I certainly wouldn’t complain!

Was the girl overweight at all?

Unless a child has a dietary requirement that you've been told about this is exactly what I do with all the wee ones that visit ours, they join in with our lunch or tea

Why are people going on about no carbs. There are carbs in soreen and in grapes.

No way would I leave a child out of sharing a cake. And I wouldn’t refuse if she asked for more lunch. Her mother is bordering on cruel. Stupid cow.

Bloody hell that's so very rude of her!! I'd be fuming and would most definitely say there wouldn't be an 'in future' to worry about! Where are her manners and gratitude? You aren't staff!

Grapes, that well known excellent choice of healthy carbs! They might both be carbs but neither will be particularly filling.

Note to self: Taking up an offer of free childcare means no longer having a say over your own child.

Why should cake not be the solution to hunger? Is it better to eat cake when you're not hungry? Teach them there's always room for cake, force it down!