To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

It sounds as though she is controlling what her child eats to keep her slim? I've known families where children were weighed before going to the other parent for contact visits, and quizzed about what they had been given to eat while away.
I'd not be having the child to my home again with that response from the parent.

Exactly. If she'd had a chicken sandwich rather than just chicken she probably wouldn't have wanted the second piece of cake. Growing children need some cards. If it had been my child I wouldn't have worried about them eating a bit too much on a one off occasion.

The OP did nothing wrong and if I were her I wouldn't offer to look after that child again.

Poor kid having mom like that no doubt she gave out to kid too

It’s a silly comment anyway because “slice” can mean anything. If DH or I cut a “ slice” it looks quite different!

In any case, every so often cake won’t kill a child. As you say, the child is not at this house every day so it’s a total non issue.

That's a very small lunch for a 7-year-old.
Unless she is a ballerina, gymnast or model and needs to keep her slim figure, I can't see what harm a slice of cake is??

YANBU

YABU to call it "frosting" on a British forum

Probably why the kid stopped eating and left some of the second slice

Poster might not be British though

if she asks again the answer is fuckoff no sorry we're not available

I think the second slice of cake was overkill. Surely that could make someone queasy to eat that much? She may have moaned of belly ache, or refused her dinner when she got home.

Two slices of supermarket red velvet cake (full of artificial red colouring) sounds like overkill. If a child already had a full slice, it's poor adult behaviour to ask if they want seconds. A child jacked up on sugar will obviously say yes but the total amount of cake is clearly far too much, just from a common sense perspective? Even if the child's mum was controlling about food/didn't give her DD enough food or whatnot, the OP still doesn't seem to realise that it's an entirely disproportionate amount of sugar for a 7 year old?

MIL does this all the time with DD and it drives me a bit batty but I would never dare to raise the issue directly. She always cuts DD (5) an adult sized slice of cake and immediately follows with a second giant slice if she enjoyed it. She will always struggle with the second portion and it wrecks her appetite for the rest of the day.

That is so rude! If someone is looking after my child as a one off and for free I would not care at all what they ate! And if I did I would say something politely before like ‘DD gets a bit hyped up on certain foods so to make things easy could you just stick to the food that’s in the lunchbox? I’ve put some raspberries in there so if you guys are having something sweet she can have those as her treat’

I think I would just reply ‘Next time?’

This is the best way to handle such rude friend.

Op didn't ask if she wanted second. It's tricky to take care of other people's children. Best is to avoid unless in emergency

Even if she were, the mother ought to have noted it if so important.

The fact that someone would bother to comment to someone who had HELPED THEM OUT about a one-off incident of departure from the desired food intake goes to show the absurd level of fixation with diet that plagues modern society. It’s a spin-off of having too little to worry about on that front. Once upon a time many people were delighted just to have a bit of decent protein to give their children .

I think it was incredibly rude of the mum to complain about this and a weird over reaction.

The child will soon learn to deal with this problem by not to reporting back to her mum about the food she has eaten.

Or sneaking food… and becoming a covert binger or similar.

Sounds like the mum is seriously hung up on weight issues and is closely monitoring her daughter's intake. Poor girl.

Sounds like the mum is starving the poor mite.

Rude.

Not a problem though. You simply won't be having her child again. You don't even need to tell her. You'll know and that's enough.

How long have you know the other mum?

Her referring to "gorging" on cake stood out to me.

I wonder if she has some history of an eating disorder / disordered eating which is impacting her views of the situation.

Ew. She'd be told where to stick her free child-care in future.

As for all the people banging on about it being too much food - the OP gives no actual quantifiable measures/quantities at all.

Two wafer thin slices of cake could be smaller than one more generous slice. The 'full plate' could be a side plate, and we don't know what was on it either.

The kid at it all, asked for more, is not overweight, and OP makes no mention of child feeling sick at any point before she went home, and over-eating would normally make you feel sick pretty quickly, so I think its safe to assume the kid did not feel sick.

Maybe they do on Mumsnet 😆

This reminds me of a good friend from my home country, with a greater emphasis on women’s looks than the UK has.

My friend had been a heavy child and teenager who finally lost weight in her 20s. She was determined that her PFB DD would be slim. Although my friend is an excellent cook, from DD’s earliest childhood food was for nutrition, not pleasure.

This very bright little girl quickly learned to play along at home, but away from Mum she was a daemon eater, specialising in cakes, ice cream, biscuits and crisps. As she was outgoing and popular she had many opportunities to indulge. Mum could not figure out why she was so heavy. I, who occasionally took DD for an ice cream (small cone for me, large fudge sundae for her) or meal and knew her eating habits, wasn’t about to get in the middle of it.

Twenty years later DD is starting to lose the weight.

OP, you did nothing wrong but your friend is possibly storing up trouble

I'd LOVE to hear the other Mum's side to this. I expects it's very different.

Yes, she was rude.

BUT if a parent provides a packed lunch they do so for a reason.
Red velvet cake from Costco was not on her list for her child's lunch.

End of.

No one should give another child lots of extra food without asking the parent.

It's funny how the response is different when grandparents babysit.
Posters come along here complaining how the Gparents gave the child sweets when they shouldn't have, or whatever , and everyone agrees it was wrong.

Maybe she was hungry!!