To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

Two slices of cake after tea for a child is fine if they’re usually active and not overweight, you don’t need to run a marathon😁

I'm not being nasty at all. I literally said I wouldn't want to be friends with her. That isn't nasty. You're obviously very affected by this? You're calling me nasty but I'm on the attack? Okidoke.

Depends on the size of the slice. We always do tiny slices in my house but in laws would do huge slices so at ours two slices isn’t a lot. Two slices at in laws would probably send you into a coma 🤣

You literally berated me for ‘that word again’. Your tone is to degrade other people for just having a different view point.

Out of curiosity, what food were you eating? Was it a full, adult-sized plate?

My first instinct is that the mother has control issues. It sounds like a really unhealthy environment for the child. Why no carbs??? (I say this as a person who avoids carbs assiduously for myself - but I let my 7 year old eat as much as she wants because she is a growing child and I don't want her to have an ED.)

The second slice of cake is probably slightly excessive, but I would not get bothered about it tbh.

@echt

no one can just eat what they want all the time. Not if they want to be healthy and a healthy weight.
just have one slice of cake! Simple

I didn't berate you. I literally said "that word again". Factually.

Imo, it's an unhealthy way to look at food. You don't think it is, that's fine. I'm allowed an opinion without being nasty. I'm allowed to not to want to be around people who talk about food that way. Just as you're allowed to talk about it that way. You can't expect everyone to like it. You're having a go at me BECAUSE you don't like my viewpoint. You can't have it both ways.

Unless you want two.

Mum sounds like she has disordered eating.

I don't think the child's lunchbox was very much for a 7 year old but I also wouldn't have given her 2 slices of cake, more food and popcorn. Maybe she wouldn't eat her dinner that night?
Out of interest, what was your lunch that she also ate?

I'm not back tracking. I didn't berate you. You decided to take huge offense that I don't agree with you.

You're taking this very personally. Again, I think this is a you problem and not a me problem. Not everyone sees food the way you do. That's OK. I'm not expecting you to agree with me.

My DS's friend was like this when they were little. Never allowed treats other than 1 sweet a week on a Saturday...the 1 sweet was something like a Rolo or a fruit pastille. I saw him one day when I was picking up DC's from school (they would have been around 13/14 at the time) and he had come out of the local corner shop, literally pouring a bag of Skittles (sharing bag) into his mouth...chewing...then repeating. When he came to DS's birthday parties, he would always have more sweet stuff than savoury...the extra biscuit, extra slice of cake etc. Also the kids dad...I saw him waiting to pick up his son from after school club one day eating a warm sausage roll that he'd got from the shop on the way. he saw me and said 'don't tell the wife'. His wife had such massive control over food in the house I do wonder if she had an eating disorder.

Urgh, gross gross gross. I HATE the word gorged as it is.

A one off treat FGS. Some people need to unclench.

Lol OK. Just a question as to the rationale.

Ok, maybe stop replying to me then if I am such a controlling person?

Oh and nasty and berating. Thanks for all the personal attacks there. Again says so much about my character and nothing at all about yours. Oh dear.

Classic response and deflection.

I will stop replying.

Thanks for suggesting I do that.

Thanks. I've reported all your posts

I am happy with my posts I can understand why you would want your replies to them taken down though.

There’s a little girl at my daughter’s school I think will end up like this. She burst into tears at a birthday party buffet because there was nothing there she would be allowed to eat (I think she had a cheese sandwich and some grapes in the end)

'That's fine. There won't be a next time. Cheerio.'

I would have been ok with the meal but not the cake, that's a lot for anyone.

Yep. Obesity is a massive problem right now but so are eating disorders. Parents being too controlling over food is a huge red flag for eating disorders. Far better IMO to just expose children to as much of the healthy food as you can, encourage an active lifestyle and relax about the odd fairy cake. Sugar triggers a chemical process that rewards the brain. You're never going to hide that from a child. Far better to give them a bit of freedom (within reason), let them figure the limit out for themselves.

This is perfect. How dare she.