To have given her extra food?

[jerkorperk]

Last week I looked after a friend's DC for an afternoon as she is going somewhere her DC can't.

I offered. No problem there

She was given a packed lunch when her mum dropped her off. I said there was no need but her mum just said 'oh no, honestly, it's fine'

Assuming fussy eater etc I didn't question it and just let her have her packed lunch. We had some lunch alongside her

She had finished what she had and asked if she could try what I was eating. I said no problem, of course. And gave her a plate. I said eat what you like and don't worry about leaving what you don't

She ate it all. And for all of us afterwards, I had a cake. It was a red velvet cake from Costco. It is really yum and a nice treat

She had a slice and then another slice because she enjoyed it. She left a bit of the additional slice. Again, a non issue

I got a harshly worded text from her mum that said 'Hi, Y said you gave her additional food after her lunch provided. In addition to this, she had gorged on a lot of cake too? Please in future can you stick to what I provide'

AIBU to think what's the big issue? Have I overstepped some mark I didn't know about The little girl is 7. My own daughter is 2

If it was important for the child to eat what was provided & only that the mum should have said.

Idk what Op & her daughter were having, but I tend to cook at lunch & would feel a bit mean eating my main meal whilst the kid had a packed lunch.

I wouldn't have given 2 slices of cake after a meal.

I would reply and say something like 'Apologies if it has upset you but I am not comfortable say no to a child who requests some cake while others present are eating it, unless there are eg allergy issues. Probably best if you find someone else to mind her in future'.

You did her a favour and she's having a go because you let her kid have cake!

It's just controlling and weird.

You should.
Something like don't worry, there won't be an in future because I don't help rude people.

I wouldn’t fall out with someone over this especially if the children get along and play nicely together.

Respect the mother has a different way, communicate you are uncomfortable denying food and move on.

No need for all the drama and demonising of the other Mother simply for her requesting her child doesn’t gorge on cake.

That word again. I wouldn't necessarily want to be friends with someone who had that attitude tbh!

In today's Guardian

@Ottervision your world must be so small if you are only friends with people who do and have the exact same attitude as you!

That doesn't sound very much, especially if the child is having a growth spurt. We used to look after a wee girl who was tiny and was alway ravenous, her Mum claimed the child was petite and ate like a bird, but she came with a huge list of food that "wasn't allowed" because it wasn't "healthy". We always gave her more within the bounds of the list.

No, I'm just not friends with people who control their children in that way or who are rude.

You just like to control your children’s friends.

Sorry what?

I need to get one of these self regulating children that so many posters on this thread seem to have.
My youngest had lunch at home (ham sandwich - 2 slices of bread, 2 slices of ham, cucumber, tomato, and a banana) then went to a drop and run party in the afternoon. Whilst at the party he had four hot dogs, crisps and 2 slices of cake. He was very proud of both eating so much and being enabled to eat so much.
Unsurprisingly a few hours after he came home he didn't feel so good and spent a lot of the evening in pain with tummy ache.
We have spoken to him about making good choices with food, but given the chance he will most likely do it again.
I wouldn't send a text, but yeah I'd be annoyed.

No need to be sorry. Banishing another child from coming round to your house because their mother has a different view on how their child should be nourished with food is obviously something you feel very strongly about.

I couldn’t treat a friend of my children like that.

Erm at what point did I say I'd banish anyone? I said I woulsnt want to be friends with the mother in this situation. This isn't ops daughters friend. It's ops friend?

I think you've massively (purposely) misunderstood?

I wouldn't mind her child again!

You said your child has allergies, so you know the other mum would have pointed it out if needed. She didn't so it is about the quantity. Which she also should have said if she was concerned.

I have only had my aunt mind my child one 2 very short occasions. She did ask what she can feed him, I said whatever she would normally feed her children. But if she hadn't asked I would have thought that is what should would do, because I didn't give her any specific instructions.

She was doing me a huge favour. By the sounds of it so were you, a bit of extra cake on occasion will not hurt the child! I vividly remember staying with my mums, friends work colleague's, husband while they went to on a 2 day work event. They also had 2 similar age kids. I was filled with sweets and freezer food and delighted with myself for the two days!

What benefit are you or your child getting from doing this favour OP? Your child is 2 so never going to be besties with a 7 year old. Life's too short to stress about such a none-issue. Polite text back to your 'friend' saying 'no problem I can see our parenting styles don't match so I'll let you find someone else to look after your kid next time' and you're done.

Depending on when the mother is picking up her child, there should be at least some carbs there, so chicken or cheese sandwich. The latter is what DNephew I mean if the mum's really gonna be picky, she should have cherry tomatoes/cucumber batons. And the Soreen is packed with sugar .

A couple of pieces of cake won't harm her at all, and if she didn't want her to have treats it should be specified, but then, it seems mean. Does she really want you to eat cake and have her DD left out? You can guarantee if you left her out and her DD mentioned it, she'd be complaining about that too.

@Ottervision

parents have to control what their kids eat. That’s part of being a responsible parent.

And two slices of cake is way too much. a person should only eat two slices of cake, one after the other if….I dunno they’ve just ran a marathon or something. Otherwise, no. Not unless you wanna feel sick and potentially throw up anyway!

Erm.... OK

Not sure any of that is true! You seem very triggered by the mere suggestion I wouldnt want to be friends with a, for lack of ambiguity, a fully grown woman, who spoke to me like she did to op.

I think this says a lot more about you than me to be honest.

I control what my child eats, but I don't use shame around food. That's what I don't like. Hth.

They might have been very tiny slices of cake. I think its quite sensible to start eith a small slice and have a bit more if wanted. I doubt OP was serving a 7 year old 2 massive wedges.

No it isn’t too much if that’s what you want.

Marathon? Do me a favour.

Have you read your posts? You are always on the attack from the start! I’m just defending myself and the mother in question from your nastiness just because they have a different view from yours!

Usually, I would check if the child has allergies and if parents are OK with whatever I may offer as a snack. This is for playdate situations.
And likewise, I would mention allergies and alike if I drop my child for a playdate.
I assume if she was so precious about food she should have told you not to feed the child on top of what she provided.
I'd say irrespective, she sent a very rude message and I would have fully ignored it and moved on.