To opt out of this insane work practice?

[Acunningruse]

I started a new role 3 months ago. Everyone else in the team has been there for years and they are a very established group (but have been very welcoming to me). I discovered the other day, that the "rule" in the team is that when it is someone's birthday, everyone buys them a card, you write it and send it TO THEIR HOME ADDRESS!

I just cannot get my head around this. There are 12 of us in the team. It is just so wasteful- 11 individual cards and stamps whereas we could just send one- or better yet- give it to them in the office!!! We see each other every week!

The waste is huge not to mention the fact that I can barely remember my own family's birthdays, let alone 11 people I've just met?

These are lovely women and the last thing I want to do is cause offence but I really do not want to participate in this. How can I opt out without causing offence?

Yeh I wouldn’t be doing that and I’d be telling everyone not to do it for me.

We don't even send cards to family!

I normally say "that sounds lovely, but instead of cards I make a charity donation at the end of each year, no hard feelings!"

Gets you out of Christmas rubbish too...

@Acunningruse

I think this may be my only option. Imagine when I inevitably forget one of them though....

I have a list of all birthdays in the notes section if my smartphone, plus an annual reminder of all birthdays, anniversaries, life admin, etc with the first reminder seven days before then repeating each day until the event. Might that help you? 🌹

I’m not sure cake is cheaper to be honest! Card thing is weird though.

I worked somewhere with a team that size and we all HAD TO put in £10 for each team member’s birthday. So gifts were £120 for everyone. Totally inappropriate and when one man referred to it as the “birthday tax” our manager was furious.

I usually get two cards on my birthday - sometimes four. If this happened to me I'd be freaked out! This is weird in this day and age. I'd just be the odd one. Or maybe suggest a group card that you post to them as it's better for the environment.

Is there a calendar in your office anywhere? Could you suggest that they all add their birthdays to the calendar to make it easier to remember, as you're new and don't know their birthdays yet?
Where I've worked, colleagues usually all sign one card together, but not usually for birthdays, more for leaving cards, but Christmas I'd buy a multi-pack of cards and we'd all either leave our piles of written cards in the staff locker room for colleagues to find theirs or hand them out to them in person.

Wow, I've never heard of anything so ridiculous. Literally everywhere else just gets one card and has everyone sign it, and give it to them either the day before (if they have their birthday off) or on their birthday. I absolutely would NOT be taking part in that, and I wouldn't want everyone to know my address anyway!

See here is an example from me - a few years ago I stopped sending Christmas cards at all. But even when I did send some, I have never given them to people I work with. (Why would you?)

But the last place I worked (very small team) pretty much everyone did. It was fine. I accepted them gratefully "oh thanks! I don't give Christmas cards" and no one ostracised me in any way.

We had a similar problem then someone suggested doing a birthday box. Everyone put couple £ into a fund and buy small present and 1 card from everyone,
Works well.

Why don't you suggest a new tradition in the interest of being environmentally friendly....and do the usual thing of a card signed by all, hand delivered. You could also suggest that the recipient buys cakes for everyone. Cheaper in the long run!!

I think op needs to be much more established in the role before doing this.

It would be hugely clumsy to go round pushing for changes about what is, in reality, trivia, before you have properly figured out the workplace you are in and built relationships.

I really think this is one of those where you just do your own thing and don’t think of it again. The likelihood is out of the 11 of them, some of them hate it (like you) but have just gone along with it for fear of offence. Others don’t mind but wouldn’t be bothered about stopping. There’s likely 1 or 2 who love it, and you will possibly annoy these people by not going along with it. But I think that’s ok- you can’t go through life trying to please everyone. So you’ll probably end up with some of the 11 being really grateful, and some respecting that you’ve not gone along with it (in a non confrontational way!), and maybe a couple that like you a bit less. That’s fine- surely?

Maybe one of them isn’t married and these are the only cards / celebrations they get. It is nice to celebrate!

What? Please explain the link between marital status and receiving cards?

partial comment by @clary …”See here is an example from me - a few years ago I stopped sending Christmas cards at all. But even when I did send some, I have never given them to people I work with. (Why would you?)”

I also didn’t give Christmas cards to my colleagues, why would I when we saw each other on Christmas Eve. However I did buy a huge tub of Quality Street or similar chocolates, to be shared & would stick a Christmas card on the tin.

yes I used to give everyone home-made sweets or brownies (when in a small team) which obvs was more expensive. It's not so much about the cost tbh (tho postage!!) but I just cannot see why you would write your name on a piece of cardboard and solemnly give it to someone you see right before Christmas anyway.

Where I work now the dept is HUGE so no way of giving really. I do sometimes make a batch of brownies and leave them in the kitchen with "help yourself" on.

Oh this is something that really ticked me off, enforced or obligatory co-workers contributions for birthdays (or anything else). Going back to the last company I worked at before retirement. I’d worked there for 9 years in various roles & teams within the same very large dept.
In the last team of 8 including me it was obligatory to join their birthday gift giving group, none of the other teams did this.
I did say that I didn’t want to join in but that didn’t go down well, so I joined. The obligatory contribution for each birthday per person in the team was £10! … And…this is what really really pissed me off… I joined this team just after my birthday that year & left before my next birthday, so didn’t even get the benefit of receiving a probably crap gift even though I had paid out £50 or £60 for other team members birthdays. I can laugh now but I never have told anyone IRL…So glad that I’m retired now & don’t have to deal with office politics & shenanigans.🤣

I am with you on this - absolutely wasteful. It’s £2/3 for a card. Another £1.50 or so for a stamp. Have always said that a whip-round for £5 and a voucher much more useful. You may find that others are tired of it too and a fresh perspective might be welcome.

This was my first thought.

and shock horror there are places who don't do cards at all and no one cries in corners and the world does not end.

I am widowed should I get two?

how did they make you?

I don't think it would bother me, provided that the people are people you like, and you say they are really nice.

I actually think it is quite a nice idea, especially for people who have small families and not a huge number of friends - and I include myself in that. It sometimes feels quite dispiriting to only receive four or five birthday cards and I can imagine that if people are really isolated outside of work it would be of great comfort.

I wouldn't want that to be the practice at Christmas though.

Again don't put this on us small family small social circle types. Many (most) of us choose this way of life and are happy with it. We don't want to be pitied or receive cards from work colleagues! And no I am not sensitive about this but its like "oh do it for the older people who may not get cards" Bog off with blaming us for stupid ideas