Surprise day trip - sister mad!

[Bellyblueboy]

I will open this by saying I don’t have kids!

it’s my sister’s birthday today. As her present I have booked a day trip to London for us (we are in Dublin). I knew she wouldn’t want an overnight because of her dog.

I have booked flights and a few things for us to do. I have arranged someone to come and walk the dog (our brother).

she is angry because it’s a long day - first and last flights and she says it will be too much for the kids.

we would need to leave the house at about 6:30am and our flight gets back at about 9pm.

I thought in the summer holidays this would be grand - but clearly not🫣.

I have apologised - the flights are non refundable. She and I can’t go without the kids as her husband is away on a work trip and no grandparents are free.

So my question - do you think she will come around? Do I go alone? I honestly thought I was doing a nice thing but she says I am clueless and don’t understand children. The kids are 12 and 16. The 16 year old does love a lie in and on non-school days is rarely up before noon! But he has got up early before for holidays.

But she still wasn't involved in the decision to book her and her children onto flights to a different place.

It's London ...... not the other side of the world 😂😂😂

As for not wanting to be told to get up early, even when someone has booked a treat for you, well that's just ridiculous.

Life doesn't need to be filled with so much drama.

It's a lovely idea OP. But maybe she would have preferred something without her kids! Is that it perhaps?

Absolutely this.

I thought you were going to say the kids were toddlers! At 12 and 16 they’ll have a grand time and your sister is just being mardy about it.

Is there any chance of her coming round to the idea? Sometimes things are just a shock.

It's not drama to know your kids and know that having to get them up and out the door by a certain time is going to result in you feeling awful for the remainder of the day.

My DD, at the moment, would handle it. But I very much remember the early flights for holidays with my sister, and how stressed the entire family was by the time we got there, purely because of all the stamping, moaning, crying, shouting, and horrible words coming out of my sister. Which resulted in my mother having to threaten her with not going, or turning around, or having things taken away, or that we'd still go but she'd be confined to the hotel while we all enjoyed the lovely holiday etc. None of which worked because she just didn't care that early.

If you think not wanting to deal with that for a thing you didn't ask for, for one day trip, is drama then fine. But I understand that not everyone wants things planned for them that result in your kids being miserable. Because then you're miserable.

We did lots. But everything was planned in advance, with the best possible times we could get for both a fun day and to minimise the stress. And that meant my parents being involved in the decisions. Before money was spent, which makes people feel like they now have to do it.

I think that trip would be really fun for the ages of her children. I was expecting them to be 1 and 3 (which would have been less fun and challenging re a long day).

would she let you take the children alone if she doesn’t want to? I was taking my nieces and nephew for days out in London when they were primary age so don’t know why she wouldn’t. Alternatively if she thinks they’d hate it there I no reason why the 12 and 16yo couldn’t be left for the day unless you’re going to say there are significant additional needs.

Is she also generally anxious? You can see from this thread there are some that would crack on and enjoy it and others who’d find it difficult.

She will come around.
She and the kids need to be organised the day before and get a good night sleep before waking early.
You will have a great time, especially if you have activities in mind and a programme planned or to choose from. Roaming about wasting time wondering what to do could be tiresome.

Some people are just miserable and reclusive OP and not worth the effort. She's said she can't stay anywhere overnight, she lives somewhere a long way from anywhere that exciting and then she moans when you plan something that takes up the entire day. It should be common sense that the majority of decent daytrips are going to require an early start and a late finish. Why she can't just call in a favour and ask somebody to have the dog for a night is beyond me then you could have stayed in a hotel. The only thing I would say is that you should've actually asked your sister before you booked. You presumably realised she's a bit of a recluse before you booked it. I'd stick to chocolates and flowers in future.

Why on earth couldn't you take them alone?

The eldest is 16 FGS!

i think this is a really thoughtful gift, especially if you and your sister have booked day trips in the past and enjoyed them. This is the sort of thing I’d book with my sister and her dc and we’d always have fun. Maybe there is another reason she doesn’t want to go, but I’d say give her a few days and then talk to her. Absolutely don’t buy another gift.

Sounds like a great day out. All these "exhausted" parents and fucking pampered teenagers are the result of shitty internet memes and gentle parenting 🤣

She'll come round. The kids will love it and you've spent a bloody fortune on them! If they don't go OP I'll meet you there 😊

Theres people I would let take my DD alone and people I won't ever, regardless of her age. My sister is one I won't. I have my reasons. Parents usually do.

I think your intent was really lovely but maybe something smaller scale would have been more appropriate as a surprise.

Much as I'm not a huge fan of surprises it seems as though you've planned stuff they'd actually want to do

I think you need a bit of a chat - I can't understand why the kids can't go-it's the holidays, They can sleep in the next day! And they're plenty old enough to go with you.

Maybe she's got something going on that's bothering her?

Do you have much to do with your sister? The OP and hers seem quite close

You wouldn't do a day trip to somewhere an hour and a half away? Surely that's very limiting? 90 mins travel is nothing!

If you think not wanting to deal with that for a thing you didn't ask for, for one day trip, is drama then fine. But I understand that not everyone wants things planned for them that result in your kids being miserable. Because then you're miserable.

What you've described is drama though.
Allowing a child to act like a brat and spoil it for everyone is pandering to them and creating unnecessary drama.

Children need to learn that the world does not revolve around them and I'd be very disappointed if a 12 and 16 year old couldn't behave appropriately so their mum could enjoy a birthday treat.

"I'm a massive travel lover and I wouldn't want this present. I'm an hour and a half from London on the train and I wouldn't want to do a day trip there"

🤣🤣 where do you travel to? The local Tesco. Fuck me, people are so wet!

I get that not everyone would like this sort of surprise but to be honest there’s no excuse for your sister’s reaction. I feel sad for you that she’s been so ungrateful. As for those posters saying your plan was thoughtless/ manipulative I’m not sure what planet they’re on!

I wouldn't be getting her new GHDs after she got angry at you and called you clueless! Can't stand that whole "you don't understand, you don't have kids" and I'm a mum myself! It's a low blow insult IMO.

Ok she doesn't fancy it but could have turned it down with a bit more decorum and still recognising you tried to do a lovely thing. Especially as she's expressed an interest in going on the London Eye, so it shows you listen to her!

Get her a card and a £20 token voucher that covers loads of shops, and she can get something herself.

I do. We are close as sisters. But that also means I know her well enough to know why I don't want her to be a person in charge of my child.

Actually, same. I live a similar distance to London. There's a number of other cities I'd LOVE to visit within 1.5 hours. London is quite far down my list.

Some posters have said they'd love a day like this - but surely the point is that the OP's sister doesn't?

Now she has to either suck up something she doesn't want or be the grumpy bitch that rejects her sisters generous present, and is probably wondering how her birthday turned into such a drama.

FWIW I'd happily of done this when we had young DC. I was in my thirties, the DC would have been up early anyway and would sleep on the way home. Ten years later with teenagers and the exhaustion and insomnia that come with perimenopause and I would loathe it.

OP you wanted to do something nice for your sister, you just missed a bit. Do stop think she'd prefer to do something special with just you?

It WILL be a tiring day but with the right attitude and an early night before you could all have a right old laugh. Particularly if you know where you're going and have a restaurant etc lined up.
Flying into Heathrow without luggage you'll be through customs in no time and can jump on the Elizabeth line - 25 mins to centre
Might be more hellish for other airports