Dm took all the food for my kids!

[Littlechesnuttree]

Newly single mum here hi!

dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea.

here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc.

i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast.

all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer.

i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up.

go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat.

she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all.

dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return.

aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

No you haven’t answered the question. Did you or did you not ask that she immediately transfer the money?

It is a yes or no answer.

SHE. CAN. TRANSFER. THE. MONEY.

It's like a punishment for daring to ask for her help that wasn't actually help isn't it.
I hope you get the strength one day to tell her where to fuck off to op.

She stole from you to recoup her costs. What a disgusting woman.

@Exactlab thank you.

I'd be absolutely furious.
I'd ask for the money to be transferred immediately-who cares if she has a strop. If she won't do it I wouldn't be having her in my home again. If she was a decent mum and grandma she would be horrified at her mistake, but we all know it wasn't a mistake. She STOLE the meat. From her own daughter and grandkids.

It’s quite common for dogs to be on an all meat diet (usually raw). They don’t all die from organ failure. It’s true as PP said cooked bone splinters so cooked meat isn’t so good for them.

Kibble on the other hand is absolute rubbish and grains are not a natural part of a dogs diet

If she's going to steal your children's food and then, when you ask to be made whole, she responds by telling you how much money you owe her for her gas to travel to see you, and to pay her for babysitting, then can you really afford to have her visit? She's the opposite of helpful in your time of need. She's actually making your life worse. On top of that, how can you bear being around someone who would literally accept seeing your children go hungry so she can give their food to the dog? It's actually nauseating. Like I don't think I'd be able to look at her, I would be so angry and disgusted.

I think you have to say, you stole my food, you transfer me the money or I cut off contact with you, I can't afford to have you here because I can't trust you not to take food from my children. Then go low contact no matter whether she sends the money or not.

She’s abusive. You know she’s not going to unalive herself. Stop feeding her drama. Just ask that the money be transferred immediately and then don’t answer your phone or check your messages.

You keep saying you haven't the bandwidth for the drama but replying on here to it all, sorry OP but this post tales up more energy than my suggestion. Just text her and say I'm skint, you need to transfer me £80, my bank details are XXXXX and let's move on.

If she doesn't, bin her.

Here's the thing...you don't need to listen to emotional blackmail. You don't need to calm her down when she feigns a medical emergency. You don't need to listen to her screaming on the phone.

What you are describing is FOG. Fear, obligation, guilt. You have a very toxic relationship with your mother and you feel unable to place a healthy boundary and defend it.

You can absolutely say "you have taken food from my fridge, without my permission, which was going to feed your grandchildren for the month and are going to give it to your dog. You need to give me £80, which is the value of the grandchildren's food that you stole, so that I can afford to feed them this month." And if she starts with the manipulative behaviour, you can absolutely shut her down by hanging up the phone or by blocking her, even if just temporarily. You have all of the power in this situation, even though I know you don't feel like you do. You do not have to endure her poor treatment of you. You can disconnect.

What are you gaining from this? Attacking the OP, newly separated from her H, struggling to cope and you are demanding specifics of if she asked for a bank transfer vs cash. She has said she asked for the money. Do you want receipts?

The OP does not owe you an answer.

I appreciate that life is tough for you right now but she has done this knowingly and if you don't insist on getting her to transfer the money now, her behaviour will just get worse and more outrageous - she is testing your boundaries. Just send her a simple message along the lines of 'I unfortunately don't have the money to replace the food you took, nor can I wait until next month. Please transfer the money to my account xxxx now. Thank you' Don't engage with any response other than 'the money has been sent'.

We had houseguests who stayed at our holiday house when we weren’t there. They cleared the all prime cuts from our huge chest freezer, left shin meat & stew cuts!. We asked if they knew what happened to our meat, they said were doing us a favour by taking it, as it would go bad (frozen in like -40 freezer!!). We’re sure they thought we wouldn’t notice.
Needless to say, never ever ever had them at ours again despite them dropping huge hints for years.

Look at it this way... It's cost you 80 quid to remove some toxicity out of your life. Priceless!

Your mum knew exactly what she was doing; she's a thief, literally stealing food from you and your children's mouths. Shocking behaviour.

Tell her to send you the money or she's not welcome any more.

FFS, just message her your bank details and tell her to transfer the money immediately as you actually need it to feed your children. Grow a spine.

“Hi Mum, that’s not going to work for us, I’m afraid. Your grandchildren do need to eat between now and next month. Please transfer the £80 to me by —-day, when I’m next heading into town. I can replace the dinners for the grandchildren then.”

What is her excuses for not transferring money then?! Totally appalling behaviour! You have my sympathy. I hope you can re-coup the money from her some how!

Wow you must be a really nice person in real life.

ive clearly asked her for the money to which she basically said consider it my fee for babysitting all weekend, by that she means the 2 hrs on the weekend when I had a lie down and the 1.5 hrs Friday evening after school

What a drama-loving cow. Just reply “wow, I need to find a cheaper babysitter and agree costs upfront because I can’t afford that. Please give me back the £80 this time so the kids have enough food, and next time you want to see the kids we can agree the price before you come.”

And then block her for a bit.

You seem to have a communication problem, OP.
You havent answered the question whether you asked you mother for money yet you think you have. If thats how you communicate with your mother too, its set up for failure.
Obviously you mother is in the very wrong to have taken the meat. Its one of the most ridiculous threads I have read on here in the odd 20 years.

She considers it her fee for looking after her grandkids for three and a half hours… shocking. Tell her that she must repay you because you have to feed your kids. If she doesn’t then just ignore her. Block her and if she turns up tell her she’s not welcome. She can get lost. What a selfish and mean cf.

what a nasty woman! So she puts her bloody dog above her grandchildren!? Despicable person